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Redditor Refuses To Stay The Night At Boyfriend’s House Until He Cleans His Moldy Bathroom

Masjid Pogung Dalangan/Unsplash

Different people have different standards of cleanliness, and when it comes to cohabitating this can cause huge problems between people.

A person on Reddit found themself in this situation when their boyfriend refused to clean his dirty, moldy bathroom because he’s not bothered by the mess.

When the conflict resulted in drama between them and their boyfriend, they weren’t sure if they were overreacting.

So they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username Fluid_Past4515 on the site, asked:

“AITA for refusing to sleep at my boyfriend’s apartment until he cleans his bathroom?”

They explained:

“I’m a twice a day shower-er.

“A 5 minute shower in the morning helps me wake up and feel refreshed, then a longer shower at night to help me relax/feel clean before I go to bed.”

“This is non negotiable for me.”

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and he recently moved into an apartment by himself, whereas he previously had housemates.”

“In the 4 months he’s been there, I’ve been staying over a couple nights a week.”

“Lately I’ve noticed mold growing in his bathroom and have brought it up to him.”

“He says that he’ll clean it but never does so I’ve stopped sleeping over because it’s disgusting.”

“He’s always welcome at my house, but since I have housemates he thinks it’s weird and doesn’t come over.”

“Now that I don’t sleep over it’s cut down on our time spent together so he’s been mopey.”

“I’ve told him numerous times that it’s a simple fix for him to clean the bathroom for me to be able to shower and feel clean but he says that it doesn’t bother him, but if it bothers me so much then I should be the one to clean it.”

“I told him that it’s not my responsibility but if he wants me to sleep over again then he needs to clean the mold, or organise and pay somebody to do it.”

“He keeps telling me to just come sleep over but go home if I need to shower and then come back, but I’m refusing to because that’s ridiculous even though I live 5 minutes away.”

“We’ve been at an odds for a couple weeks over this. AITA?”

People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And for the most part, they were all in agreement: OP’s boyfriend is in the wrong–so much so that OP might need to break up with him.

“I mean, just cut your losses at this point.”

“Dude flat out refuses to clean a bathroom for 4 months and would prefer to argue with you over making you do it than spray a little Exit Mould?”

“How do you reckon that future looks? You really wanna entertain the idea of living with this guy some day?”

“ETA: I’m just gonna edit to add so no one misses it: this man is twenty-nine years old.”

“Nine and twenty. One score and nine. Near three decades. And he won’t clean mold off his damn bathroom. Lord help us, or at least help OP.”

“NTA” –Left-Car6520

“I honestly assumed he was 19/20, and was thinking that this level of laziness sounds about right for that age group.”

“But 29. He’s a fully grown adult showering in mould. He’s going to end up with mushrooms. I’d run like someone was lighting my a** on fire” –FurTumbleweed

“Yes, OP, peruse this sub for a few days and behold the dozens of wives who married the immature slob thinking he’d change…and he didn’t.”

“So now they’re raising 3 kids, working full time, doing 100% of the cooking and cleaning, and wondering if they’re the a**hole because they asked their husband to hold the baby for 30 seconds while they fought off a live bear in the kitchen and hubby is just so upset because this interrupted hour 6 of his video game time.”

“Cut your losses now.” –The_Krudler

“If his bathroom is that filthy, does he have clean sheets? Clean kitchen? Clean hands and junk?”

“This is just gross. NTA” –catsasss

“NTA. But mold aside, can we also take a gander, a glance, a look, if you will at the fact that if OP doesn’t go and visit him, they just really don’t spend any time together.”

“So not only is she expected to clean up after him, but also maintain the relationship as well.”

“Run, OP. Run like you’ve never run before. Steal that high horse he’s on and giddy up your own damn self into the sunset.” –MarigoldCat

“Totally, I’m on the camp cut your loses as well. I mean, is this the way this guy handle things? It doesn’t bother me so if it bothers you, you do it? wtf?”

“What will it be tomorrow? The baby has a dirty diaper but it doesn’t bother me, so you change it.”

“The dog pooped in the bed, but it doesn’t bother me (it is probably on her side), so you clean it?”

“The pile of dishes with roaches don’t bother me, if you need a “clean” plate so badly, you clean them… and on and on it goes…” –RAthowaway

“I’ve dated someone like this very recently. They lived with me half the time and their apartment the other half.”

“I’m a VERY tidy person. Like OCD levels of tidiness and organization. My place became filthy and I became resentful.”

“His place was never kept and I had to clean his toilet just to feel comfortable.”

“Towards the end of the relationship, I felt nothing when I broke up with him because I couldn’t see myself being with this person and literally taking care of his sh*t for the rest of my life and we were together for 3+ years.”

“He’s not going to clean up for himself. He’s not going to clean up for you. If this is what makes or breaks your relationship, it’s better to find someone who is actually clean.”

“And that is NOT hard to find at all. It’s called having standards for oneself. If he doesn’t have standards for himself then there’s no point. He’s substandard.” –brandonbluntly

“This. My husband would do anything for me. Even when we were dating, he was the type of guy who would jump over mountains for me.”

“OP’s BF is not a keeper. He can’t CLEAN in order to see her. Can you IMAGINE what life would be life if they got married?”

“Dump him. Move on with your life. Tell him he can find a bang maid now that you’re gone.” –crystallz2000

“Uhg, i bet the bathroom floor is sprinkled all over with urine and the toilet with sh*t. This is a fight that’ll keep continue, better say goodbye and find someone who’s an actual independent and responsible adult.” –xinxenxun

“NTA. Take his ‘if it bothers you, you should clean it’ as a glimpse into what living together would be like.”

“I’m not always straight into the ‘dealbreaker’ decision, nor am I a neat freak, but I’d think about whether this is the person you’d like to be with.”

“Cleaning mold once (if it’s regular bathroom mold, not the creeping black mold that needs to be removed by pros) is a chore but can be maintained with normal weekly washes.”

“He’s not willing to do that for you (and for everyone’s health). Walk away.” –TemptingPenguin369

“This is a dead end relationship as far as I can see.”

“OP can’t get him to help now when he doesn’t even have OP locked in a legally binding relationship so he probably never will improve.”

“His responsibilities are already being shuffed off onto OP.”

“Things will only get worse when OP is used to it and has decided the relationship is worth x effort and committed so it will end up being X and Y and z effort.” –KnightOfForestsWild

“I can agree. I have been living with my boyfriend for the past 6 months and cleaning is the only reason we ever fight. Love is what gets people together, common ground on daily tasks is what keeps them together.” –TinyCatPinkLegs

“Exactly. The fact that he can’t even do a basic chore (that he should be doing anyway) for the comfort of his partner speaks volumes about his level of respect or concern for her.”

“Relationships require compromises but having a clean home isn’t really a compromise. It’s disgusting that he doesn’t want a clean bathroom for himself, let alone the fact that he’s actually fighting her on it.” –what_the_a

“NTA. Was leaning towards no AHs until you said he was mopey and tried to make you clean it yourself.”

“He’s not an AH for having different standards but he can’t have it both ways – if he wants you to come over, he can’t expect you to clean his place.”

“However, this is a basic compatibility issue. Imagine at one point you wanted to move in!”

“You‘d be the assigned cleaner for the rest of your life because he just doesn’t care. If you want to have separate households forever, that’s fine, but if you’re planning on living together with a partner, this is not the guy.” –RiverSong_777

Hopefully OP can find someone better.

Written by Peter Karleby

Peter Karleby is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.