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Mom Furious After Bisexual Husband Tells Their Teen Son That He Used To Date Her Brother


Secrets always find a way to be freed.

It is inevitable.

It’s also incredibly frustrating when people release them before all parties involved are prepared.

Chaos and secrets, always a messy combo.

Case in point…

Redditor ConversationFar1490 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my son the real reason that the relationship between his mom and uncle is strained?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (45 M[ale]) used to date my wife’s (47 F[emale]) younger brother Jared (44 M) back in high school through our second year of college.”

“We grew up in a rural community and it wasn’t great being bi or gay back then so we dated secretly and only a few friends and his sister knew.”

“We were each others first everything kiss, sex, love etc.”

“Well I also happened to have feelings for her and I knew she liked me back and him wanting to be more out and me being scared to I eventually broke it off and started dating her.”

“She got pregnant and we got married.”

“And ever since the relationship between her and Jared has been strained with him calling me a coward and mad at her for stealing me from him.”

“We still see him around town, and we don’t usually talk but on holidays or events.”

“But he does spend time with his nephew and they get along great.”

“My son Luke (15 M) looks up to his uncle and loves spending time with him.”

“But cause of what happened Jared isn’t around as much as my son would like.”

“Yesterday Luke finally just flat asked my why his uncle Jared didn’t come around a lot more and why him and his mom always seemed mad at each other.”

“I just told him the truth.”

“My wife overheard us talking and she got upset and told Luke to go to his room.”

“She then yelled at me asking why I would tell him that and I told her that it’s not fair that he doesn’t get to see his uncle much because of our drama.”

“And she yells at me that it was none of his business and that he didn’t need to know.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared that they were kind of all over the map with the A**hole question.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA for telling your son why the situation is the way it is.”

“But YTA a major one on top why/how you dumped your bf to get together with his sister.”

“Your wife is also a major TA since she is still jealous of what happened.”

“You all need professional help to solve the problems you carry around for more than 20 years!!!” ~ Goddessofallnevery1

“NTA. He is part of the family, no kid anymore and deserves to know.”

“Especially since I would consider that ‘your’ secret, because as you say being be isn’t that accepted in your community.”

“(Or was, I hope it’s better nowadays!)”

“Anyway, since it concerned you two, you should have talked with your wife first, maybe a little AH for that.”

“Info: Is your uncle outed? How is your wife’s stand on homo/bisexuality?”  ~ Spaghetti_Ninja_149

OP answered…

“Jared is out yes and has a husband. My wife is pretty queer positive.” 

Reddit continued…

“I see, then her reason to dislike him must be more complex.”

“Jealousy would’ve been my next guess, but since Jared is married that sounds odd.”

“She should get over these old resentments.”

“I’m sorry for your son, now he is upset and his mom is angry.”  ~ Spaghetti_Ninja_149

“I mean, I don’t think it reflects well on either OP or his wife that he ended up marrying his ex-boyfriend’s sister so soon after dumping his ex.”

“The wife probably didn’t want her son to look at her differently for that.”

“So her not wanting their son to know about it is an understandable reaction.”  ~ SilverHeart1990

“It’s possible in her mind she’s rationalized that she was ‘second choice’ because they got together right after their relationship ended.”

“I mean this whole thing sounds like a dumpster fire.”

“It’ll be weird if they’d gotten together a couple of years after.”

“But him having feelings for both of them while dating his ex and immediately jumping in bed with his sister and getting her pregnant… yikes.”

“Maybe deep down she even knows any rational person would at the very least side eye both of them.”  ~ noblestromana

“ESH. I mean, it’s sounds like a pretty less than conventional situation in the past.”

“But I think we’re missing some context about the way you told your son.”

“You say ‘I just told him the truth,’ but how exactly, and how much did he already know.”

“Like, if my dad came up to me at 15, and revealed he was secretly bisexual and that he’d been banging my uncle before my mum.”

“I’d find that pretty messed up.”

“And would have probably preferred to have not known.”

“Perhaps your wife is more angry about that than the actual revelation itself.”  ~ marauder-shields92

“YTA. This is heavy stuff you should have discussed with your wife before deciding on your own what and how to say things.”

“And your situation is unique enough that you should have planned for this long ago.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure why you and your wife got together unless you thought you could work things out between the three of you.”

“Or why your past relationship with the uncle means your son has a limited relationship with his uncle.”  ~ Zorkanian

“NAH. Everyone’s just having an honest reaction to a weird situation.”

“There is no ‘right’ here in regards to choosing to tell him or not.”

“Though if there is any critique, you probably should have discussed this with your wife before telling your son.”  ~ chronicpainprincess

“NTA. I think it’s always better for families to be open and honest with each other. Whenever possible.”

“This world is changing. And for the better.”

“LGBT rights are way better off now then when you were kids.”

“Though there is still a long way to go.”

“And these conversations help dramatically!”

“Be open and honest with your kids about these types of relationships, if you had any.”

“And that there is nothing wrong with it.”

“Even if you weren’t comfortable being open at the time.”

“That it is only you who gets to determine when and who gets to know.”

“Though hopefully the stigma will go away completely!”

“I do believe that you should have talked with your wife and hatched out a plan to talk to your son.”

“As this very much involves her.”

“And she might feel embarrassed with her role in all of this.”

“You are a team with her.”

“So as a team, you need to communicate on serious issues like this.”

“But should these talks occur? Yes!”  ~ sbballc11

“I’m going to say ESH except for your son and ex.”

“You and your wife should have prepared to discuss this one day and came at this issue as a united front.”

“It’s a ton for a kid to process and frankly I’m getting a headache trying to process it, and this doesn’t even effect me.”

“Please check in on your kid and maybe offer therapy cause that is so much to absorb.”

“The kid is also 15 years old, so you two should have also tried to repair the relationship or arrange something with your ex so your son could be in his uncle’s life as much as he wants to.”  ~ Puppin_Tea_16

“I can’t say YTA for giving him that answer when he asked you a direct question.”

“But I think you and your wife set yourself up for failure here by not discussing how to address the past with your son when/if he asked or whenever the situation demanded it.”

“This is such a messy family situation.”

“I would like a little clarification on the timeline, though: how long was it between the breakup with Jared and starting to date his sister?”

“You aren’t an AH necessarily for moving from dating one sibling to dating the other.”

“But that has the potential to be awkward in the best of circumstances and these don’t sound like those.”

“That might explain the feelings of those involved better.”  ~ Disastrous_Noise2833

“YTA for daring two siblings that’s just super weird man.”

“Not even because of the bi thing… like if they were both sisters I’d still tell you it was weird AF.”

“Like i would never have dated a good friend of one of my friends I broke up with, much less their freaking family member.”

“Your wife is shi**y if she knew too… and she wants to absolve herself if anything guilt or responsibility.”  ~ sleptlikesh*t

Well this is quite the predicament OP.

There doesn’t seem to be a consensus on your course of action.

Sounds like best you can do is protect your kid from the fallout.

Family is always going to have secrets.

Good luck.