Guy Upset After Spouse And Friends Celebrate His Birthday Dinner Without Him Since He Had Work

Redditor Character_Leather_54 and their husband had some out-of-town friends over to celebrate the husband’s birthday.

The Original Poster (OP) had to quickly pivot when their husband was called into a work emergency the night of his birthday dinner.

Knowing that he didn’t like sushi, but they and their friends did, the OP changed the dinner reservation to an Omakase restaurant.

When the OP’s husband learned of this change later, he accused the OP of celebrating his birthday without him.

This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

They asked:

“AITA for upgrading dinner plans since my husband couldn’t make it to his own bday event?”

They went on to explain.

“So my husband’s bday was last Saturday. We also had friends (a couple) come in from across the country that Friday.”

“Initially we were planning to go to a steakhouse for his birthday and as a get together. But unfortunately, he unexpectedly had to work so he couldn’t make it.”

“I asked our friends if they mind a last minute change to a fancy sushi place (all 3 of us love sushi, husband prefers steak, and doesn’t even like raw fish).”

“Anyways, it was definitely fancy. We did omakase with bunch of a la cart. The total for the 3 of us was over 1k.”

“We celebrated his bday the next day at that steakhouse.”

“I didn’t tell him about the switch because I didn’t want him to feel left out. Later he was asking if we were ok with eating steak twice in a weekend. So i had to tell him we had sushi.”

“Unfortunately, our friends were really excited to share about our experience (their first time to omakase).”

“He didn’t say anything more about this but in private, he said I essentially celebrated his bday without him.”

“I asked him what did he want me to do with friends across the country staying with us for just a weekend? Go to McDonald’s?”

“So was I an AH for doing a ‘more fancy and expensive’ dinner without my husband on the night of his birthday because he couldn’t join?”

“I didn’t tell him bc he was called into a horrible case, and his patient died and he wasn’t even on call. But also i didn’t want him to feel left out (despite it was no one’s fault).”

“Felt guilty enjoying life while he was going through the wrenches. He can’t even tell me exactly why he felt upset. He’s not mad.”

“Took them to Omakase bc they never had it. Fyi, (not that it matters imo), I paid for both dinners from my personal leisure fund.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You’re The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors

“$1000 is an enormous price for a dinner. I’d be hurt, too.”

“I think YTA; you excluded the guest of honor from the bigger event. The first dinner where he couldn’t have come should have been the more low-key affair.” – StripedBadger

“Soft YTA.”

“Yes, you could and should have gone to a nice place, but by choosing such an expensive and high-class restaurant, you made this dinner the main event of your husband’s birthday weekend…”

“…and his actual birthday just a ‘side dish.’” – Garamon7

“NAH”

“Assuming spending 1k is no big deal in your household for special occasions like friends from across the country are visiting.”

“I think he is just disappointed he couldn’t celebrate his bday as planned, but since that comes with his job, he can’t be upset about being called in…”

“…and he is projecting this disappointment on your dinner.”

“But I think he will overcome the mood fast.”

“If he is honest to himself, he knows no one who has a job where they could be called in wants their spouse to sit home in the dark w/o any sort of entertainment…”

“…to solidarize in suffering with the working spouse, especially not if also friends are there who traveled long for this.”

“In my opinion, it was even better this way.”

“If you went along with the bday plans w/o him, that would have been a little weird…”

“…this way, you just made sure your guests are not impacted by the impediment his work caused.” – Every_Caterpillar945

“NTA”

“I don’t get all the YTA in here at all. When I became an adult, birthdays are nice to celebrate but not some sacred event.”

“I wouldn’t care at all of my wife took our friends to a nice sushi place because I couldn’t go. I’ll happily wait for steak and would hope they had a great time.” – Anonymously_Me23

“YTA.”

“You spent over $300/person for a meal that he couldn’t attend on his own birthday.”

“No, you shouldn’t be expected to go to McDonald’s, but there’s a huge gap between a $10 value meal and a $300 dinner.”

“He’s right in that you essentially celebrated his birthday without him.”

“And you didn’t tell him because you didn’t want him to feel left out, which pretty much implies that you knew it was an experience that he was missing, not just a meal with friends.” – thedavidjw

“If money is not a problem NTA.”

“Maybe his reaction is just to do with his general upset about his work.”

“Wondering if it would have been OK for you to have eaten steak on his birthday. Seems illogical so going with NTA.” – Time-Tie-231

“YTA. Why did you keep it from him in the first place? You had an extra extravagant meal without him, on his birthday, I think he is entitled to feel left out.”

“It’s not like he chose to bail that evening? Did you have to upgrade the setting? Why not take them out to an equally nice restaurant?”

“Surely he knew you were still going out to eat with them, but I don’t know why anyone would assume you were going to do something truly decadent instead of the same plan.”

“Don’t you think he felt like his dinner was not as special because of the fact that you went somewhere so crazy the night before?”

“And holy mackerel. What kind of fish costs over 1k? Did you eat Poseidon’s pet fish or an Orca whale?”

“‘I didn’t tell him bc he was called into a horrible case, and his patient died, and he wasn’t even on call. But also i didn’t want him to feel left out (despite it was no one’s fault).’”

“‘Felt guilty enjoying life while he was going through the wrenches. He can’t even tell me exactly why he felt upset. He’s not mad.’”

“In light of this edit, you’re definitely TA. He’s not even angry, just upset. You also felt guilty the whole time?”

“Why do the big fancy night at all then?” – Mathias_Greyjoy

“All the Y T A posts are nuts.”

“NAH, it sucks that he got called away and from how you talk about it I am going to assume 1k on dinner is not too nuts for you.”

“He wasn’t there and already aimed you had gone to the dinner anyway.”

“My guess is his feelings are less about what you did and more mixed with missing the good time to have to go and have a really sh*tty time instead…”

“…but that is not something either of you could control. Hence NAH” – Cpt_Fantabulous

“NAH life happens. His celebration was postponed, he didn’t miss it. You can offer him to invite him to sushi next time so he doesn’t feel left out. If he wants, of course.”

“I am sorry for his patient, must be traumatizing and that’s a valid excuse why is your husband lashing out.”

“Without the added info my first thought about ‘work emergency instead of family celebration’ was affair.” – NeTiFe-anonymous

“NAH. You celebrated his birthday his way (steakhouse) on the night he was available…”

“…and when he got called into work you treated his visiting friends to a unique experience that he would not have enjoyed.”

“I get that he’s upset that he missed out but that comes with being in the medical field.” – Kitsune_YYT

“You could have handled it better. You jumped straight into being defensive of your choice and went childish with the McDonald’s comment.”

“You didn’t need to go to an expensive restaurant with your friends, you wanted to. You made the sushi dinner the main event, rather than his birthday.”

“He is probably feeling weird because while you were feasting on ridiculously expensive fish with your friends, he was spending his birthday trying to save someone and it went bad.”

“He is going to be all out of sorts from the stress and disappointment and needs some compassion.” – PsychologicalRoll705