Redditor Apprehensive-Sea6012 has been dealing with their 7-year-old daughter’s tantrums the last few mornings.
The reason for the tantrums? The Original Poster’s (OP’s) daughter doesn’t want to get dressed.
To be fair, who does? But regardless, the 7-year-old has to attend school where pajamas are not an appropriate thing to wear. Or are they?
Most recently, the OP, fed up with the daily tantrums, decided to concede and not force their daughter to get dressed.
They took their child to school in pajamas, letting her reap the consequences of her decision.
However, when the OP’s wife picked their daughter up from school, she was not happy with her spouse’s decision. This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for sending my daughter to school in her pyjamas?”
They went on to explain:
“My 7-year-old daughter (Elsie) has recently started to make mornings more difficult by throwing a fit when we ask her to get dressed for school.”
“We’ve tried setting her clothes out the night before, but she still makes an issue out of it, and she doesn’t want to sleep in her clothes, so that’s not an option either.”
“My wife leaves for work before me, so I’m normally the one who has to deal with the tantrums in the morning.”
“I woke Elsie up, and as always, she refused to get dressed. I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with her bs and I didn’t have the energy to fight with her about it…”
“…so I told her that it was okay and I’ll just take her to school in her pyjamas.”
“She looked pretty shocked because I don’t think it was the outcome she was expecting, but the rest of the morning went a lot smoother than normal.”
“We got in the car and she was more quiet than usual, so I could tell she wasn’t really sure what to think of it.”
“But after a while of driving, I guess the realization set in, and she told me she wanted to go home and change. I told her she had already made her decision, and I wasn’t driving her back home now.”
“She started freaking out, saying she wanted me to drive back home and she didn’t want to go to school in her pajamas.”
“But I wasn’t turning the car around, so we arrived at school, and she eventually went in.”
“After my wife came home from collecting her from school, she looked pissed. She didn’t say anything in front of Elsie, but later in the evening, as expected, she went off on me.”
“She started saying that I had embarrassed her and made us look like bad parents who can’t be bothered to dress our daughter.”
“I told her that I’m sure Elsie isn’t the first child to go to school in pajamas, and it’s not the end of the world.”
“And she wears normal clothes every other day, so one day in pajamas isn’t going to make everyone think we’re bad parents.”
“She told me she thought it was a cruel thing to do to Elsie, but in my opinion, it was harmless and taught her a lesson.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, your daughter was testing boundaries, and she learned the limit. If you had turned around, she might have done the same the next day and started a new pattern.”
“By sticking to your decision in a harmless environment when your daughter was in no danger, she learned a lesson about the consequences of her actions.”
“Plenty of kids show up in pajamas, costumes, funky (cool, not funky smelly) clothes all the time.” – BoredinDublin88
“Nta. I’m not a fan of embarrassment as a form of punishment, but I do believe in appropriate teachings that there are consequences to actions.”
“You did not harm your daughter. She chose not to get dressed for her day, and so her day progressed in the clothing she was in. Consequences to her actions.” – CleverishGeneric
“NTA – My reasoning is as follows: you made it very clear to her that this was going to happen before you left home, and she accepted this.”
“True, it wasn’t until you reached school that reality set in for her, but she isn’t a toddler who can’t think through consequences very well.”
“I do note that the division here is between the people who think that this is a cruel humiliation and those who think it is a fair consequence for behavior.”
“I imagine it will be very split because it’s clearly quite emotive.” – VoltesVoltron
“And it was this comment that made me realize this is a 7-year-old, and not a toddler we’re discussing. YIKES.”
“My goodness, op, NTA. At 7, your daughter is (IMO) is a bit old for throwing daily tantrums over clothes…I fully thought this was a 4-year-old until I went back and looked at the age.”
“Also, it would be one thing if your wife was upset because your daughter spent the day embarrassed and uncomfortable with her clothing choices…”
“…but it seems like your wife’s main concern is with optics, and how this choice reflects on her as a parent.” – ginger_ninja_88
“NTA – parenting at its finest. But, from all the YTAs, I see why so many kids don’t learn that actions have consequences.”
“This was an age-appropriate consequence that linked DIRECTLY to the action. This is literally how kids learn from their mistakes.”
“No one got hurt, and everyone will forget about this next week when someone spills their juice. No big deal.” – Organic_Arm_2378
“NTA because, unless she has sensory issues or has some reason she hates wearing regular clothes normally, I suspect these tantrums are a power struggle.”
“She thought that if she refused to get dressed, you’d allow her to stay home from school, and you called her bluff by making it clear that with or without appropriate clothing, she was going to school.”
“Only thing I can’t help but wonder is if there’s some reason she doesn’t want to go to school that you’re overlooking. I think you need to have a conversation with her.” – Korike0017
“NTA – Seven-years-old is old enough to understand that behaviour has consequences. I find it unusual that a child of this age is still refusing to wear appropriate clothing for school.”
“Is there any chance that she may be neurodivergent, or is she trying to push boundaries do you think?”
“I may be a bit too relaxed in this – where I come from, it’s quite common to drop your kids off at school whilst you, the adult, are wearing pajamas…”
“…and people often go to the local shops in them too.” – Sloppypoopypoppy
“NTA”
“You taught your daughter a valuable lesson. Actions have consequences.”
“She chose not to get dressed and have a tantrum. She got to be embarrassed at school.”
“Bet the next morning’s get ready time is a bit less dramatic.” – Odd-End-1405
“ESH. You made your point, and when Elsie realized you were serious and started to panic in the car, there was your opportunity to tell her sternly…”
“…’OK, I will turn around this one time, but from now on, when I am ready to leave, you are going to school in whatever you’re wearing. You’re old enough to get yourself ready.'”
“And I’m a little concerned that your wife seems more concerned about what other people think than she does about your daughter’s emotional well-being.”
“And Elsie kind of sucks because she’s been being a brat, but kids push boundaries, and it’s up to the parents to set limits and course-correct the behavior.”
“I’ll bet she’s dressed and ready from now on, though!” – wisewoman707
“NTA- your kid learned a lesson and no one was harmed. She’s not going to be thought of as the neglected child and her classmates probably forgot by the time they got home.”
“My wife would disagree with this i’m sure lol.” – Silver_Bulleit204
“I’ve raised two boys (now 30 and 40). One thing I learned with my first kid was to call them on their BS.”
“Throw a tantrum in the grocery store? Both boys tried this when they were little. I’d take them out of the cart, set them down (where they would inevitably fall to the ground), and walk away.”
“Once the kid realized I wasn’t around, they’d stop their shenanigans. This tactic usually took two times before they understood I wasn’t having it.”
“Other BS were things like they couldn’t play their games until the homework was done AND I had checked it.”
“Have a meltdown about it? No gaming that night. Do it twice? Consoles were removed and put away, and I’ll decide WHEN they’d get them back.”
“My oldest decided that the threat of him calling 1-800-4ACHILD on me because he didn’t get his way. He was maybe 13 at the time.”
“I handed him the cordless phone and asked if he needed me to dial it for him. He stopped his shenanigans.”
“Your child decides she’s going to give you crap about getting dressed in the morning? She goes to school in her PJs.”
“It’s not a cruel punishment but does teach a lesson: you’re not putting up with her shenanigans anymore. Easy.”
“And in closing, you’re NTA.” – Professional-Spare13
Sometimes parents just have to play their kid’s games.