Being comfortable is a key component of successful traveling.
Whether it’s the people traveling or the ones hosting, everyone is hoping for a stress-free situation.
What can cause major upheaval is the space one is residing in.
Some spaces are too small, and others are unwelcoming.
This has become quite the issue with the rise in popularity of Airbnb.
Staying in other people’s homes isn’t always the best option.
Redditor Batman_19999 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for suggesting my in-laws stay at an Airbnb instead of us leaving our home with our kitten?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My parents-in-law are visiting us for a week.”
“Because our space is small, they would have to sleep on the couch, which they wouldn’t like.”
“So I suggested booking an Airbnb for them.”
“That way they could spend the day with us, enjoy homemade meals (my husband insists on that, they will get mad if it isn’t the case), then go out and return for dinner at our place before spending the night at their Airbnb comfortably.”
“My husband hated this idea and was furious.”
“He wants us to leave our apartment for them and stay at an Airbnb ourselves, taking our 3-month-old kitten with us (because they hate cats) and then come back every morning to prepare meals, do house chores for them, and spend the day with them.”
“Am I crazy for thinking this sounds unreasonable?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“This is insanity.”
“It’s your home.”
“Say no and don’t leave.”
“Also, please get rid of your husband.”
“How embarrassing to be an adult man pandering to his mummy like that.” ~ TiredandConfusedSigh
“It’s a transaction.”
“I hope you don’t have children.”
“Make sure you don’t get pregnant with him, because everything in your life will be a transaction and manipulation until his parents get their way.” ~ Ok_Homework_7621
“Giving up your own place, dragging a kitten around, and playing maid is ridiculous.”
“Hosting doesn’t mean erasing yourself for guests, especially when it’s your home.”
“Your husband choosing his parents’ comfort over your sanity is the real problem here.” ~ karen41065
“Would his parents really prefer a cramped apartment that housed a cat to an Airbnb?”
“It makes no sense other than he wishes he had a big house and wants to be hospitable.”
“In this case, it’s them being at the Airbnb.”
“I’d offer to go there with nice meals you’ve cooked and to sightsee with them, but not make them uncomfortable at your place.” ~ julesk
“It is unreasonable for them to leave their house because they have the young cat…”
“But I just want to add that in some cultures and families, ‘hosting’ is considered a way to show love and respect to your family.”
“And sometimes it ends up being complicated by finances… for OP’s husband, if he asks his parents to stay in the Airbnb, they may feel like they need to pay for it, whether OP’s husband offers and books it, or not.”
“While if OP and husband stay there, the parents would feel more comfortable not insisting on paying.”
“It’s all very stupid, and in this specific case, OP is NTA, with the little kitten they really need to stay in their own house.”
“But we might not be at ‘divorce the husband’ stage… if the husband is acting out of years of conditioning by his culture and family, there may be an opportunity to de-program him.”
“I think OP might try switching tactics… instead of ‘we don’t have room for your parents and we take priority in our own home’ perhaps a better idea would be to explain it as ‘They don’t like cats, and even if we clean really well there will still be cat hair and smell places, I would hate for them to be uncomfortable here, we should respect their preferences and make sure we can offer them a pet-free place to stay, so let’s find the closest AirBnB so they can be right next door!'”
“For a lot of people, not offering their own home is the height of insult.”
“Not a mama’s boy pandering to his parents…” ~ OrindaSarnia
“Go stay at the Airbnb on your own and have a nice few days of vacation.”
“Let your hubby sleep on the couch and cook and clean for his parents.”
“You aren’t anyone’s housekeeper or personal chef.”
“If he wants mommy and daddy to have home-cooked meals, he can cook them himself.” ~ Awkward_Profile_7410
“How convenient for him, he can’t do the one task that his parents expect from you.”
“You realize he’s showing his true self here, right?”
“The version of him that’s kind and treats you well is a facade; this demanding version of him that requires absolute fealty and worship of his parents is his true self.”
“Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this isn’t what he’s ‘really’ like because this version is new to you.” ~ froggus
“Unfortunately for him, you live there too, and get to veto overnight visitors.”
“Put your foot down about this.”
“For yourself and the kitten.”
“Imagine if it were a new baby—he would be pulling the same thing.”
“And you would still be expected to cook for them.” ~ T_G_A_H
“This is the hill to die on.” ~ Scenarioing
“It really is.”
“It’s not about the cat, it’s about him taking his parents’ side over hers, being okay with having them take over OP’s bedroom, not caring about an innocent creature’s well-being.”
“What’s going to happen when they have kids, and Grandma insists on doing something that may cause them harm?”
“OP should read the Reddit story of the grandma who refused to listen when told her granddaughter was allergic to coconut, put her to bed with coconut hair oil, and killed her, and – worst of all – kept a list of all the things he’s ever done for her.”
“Marriage is not transactional.”
“You don’t keep tabs on what you do in order to get things in return.” ~ sweetalkersweetalker
“NTA. Tell your husband he can do all the house chores and cook homemade meals (since he insists on that) while his parents are around, while you do nothing but care for the kitten.”
“When they leave, tell him to go home with Mommy and Daddy.” ~ souljaboyyuuaa
“As a mom of two boys, my measure of success as a parent is that they never end up on this godforsaken sub of absolutely bonkers men.”
“I mean, really?”
“When you travel, it’s fairly normal to stay in paid accommodation.”
“This is completely ridiculous. NTA.” ~ gabi_ooo
“Aside from the ridiculousness of your husband’s idea, it’s a logistical pain in the a**.”
“You and your husband could be home preparing the meals before the in-laws get there, and have them ready when they arrive.”
“His way, the in-laws are sitting around waiting for you. NTA.” ~ 5footfilly
“NTA, it doesn’t even make sense.”
“Your place is not their home, so why would they be more comfortable in your home than in an Airbnb?”
“Would they be sleeping in your bed?”
“Snooping through your things?”
“What’s the attraction?”
“Certainly, you and your kitten would be more comfortable in your own home.”
“They could relax in the Airbnb because it would be a private space for them in the way a hotel room would be.”
“There is no need for you to turn your lives upside down and act like groveling servants when it’s not of any real benefit to them other than as a kind of display where you debase yourselves and they get off on it.”
“Why would they even feel comfortable putting you out to that extent with so little payoff, unless the payoff were psychological?” ~ kurokomainu
“NTA. Your husband sounds like a big baby who completely devalues your (and maybe even his own) boundaries when it comes to his parents.”
“The pair of them also sound like spoiled and ungrateful individuals who instead of valuing your hospitality, kindness and eagerness to help them, have requirements for you to cook for them, and they don’t even take the initiative as grown adults to say, ‘we’ll find our own place to stay while visiting you, in order to not get in the way of your family life.'”
“It’s that simple.”
“That’s your house, and you should be able to decide who comes in, let alone who stays in there.”
“You didn’t even recommend something unreasonable, and were even kind enough to search for a place for them to stay, even though that’s completely THEIR responsibility that they should’ve sorted out themselves before making any further plans to visit.”
“I would never be able to communicate with a man who overlooks everything just so his parents can have everything served on the plate.”
“He doesn’t respect you, your home, and your kitten.” ~ oddangle0303
“NTA – that’s ridiculous.”
“If it’s about the money for his parents, pay for their Airbnb.”
“I have done that over a holiday when we simply didn’t have the room for everyone.” ~ RandomizedNameSystem
“NTA at all, your husband’s suggestion is ridiculous and hugely inconvenient for everyone.”
“You should insist on your original plan, or they will lump it and sleep on the sofa and accept the kitten.” ~ the_tartanunicorn
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your husband is out of line.
You’re trying to do what is best for everyone involved, including your kitty.
Perhaps you could approach his parents indirectly and discuss the matter with them in a calm manner.
Stand your ground.