Italy is one of those magical places that’s at the top of everyone’s vacation bucket list.
But sometimes not even the magic of Italy can save a relationship.
Romantic troubles don’t stay at home when lovers go abroad.
In fact, the vacation itself can spark the beginning of the end.
Redditor Fabulous-Plenty-5465 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend’s plane ticket after she decided to stay longer on her trip without me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, here’s the deal.”
“My (28 M[ale]) girlfriend (27 F[emale]) of two years and I planned a two-week vacation to Italy.”
“I paid for the flights, hotels—everything because I make more than she does, and I wanted it to be a stress-free trip for both of us.”
“Everything was great until the last day when she told me she wanted to stay longer to ‘find herself’ and think about our relationship without me.”
“She didn’t discuss this with me beforehand, and it completely blindsided me.”
“I was hurt and told her that if she feels she needs time alone, then she should also be independent financially during this extension of her trip.”
“I said I wouldn’t be paying for her new return ticket whenever she decides to come back.”
“Now, she’s upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I’m being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to pay for her new plane ticket home after she chose to extend her trip without any heads-up?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She can ‘find herself’ on her own dime.”
“That’s reasonable and fair.”
“Now, she’s upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I’m being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help.”
“You have been supportive and unselfish.”
“You didn’t complain or become difficult.”
“You respected her decision to stay and ‘find herself.'”
“Supportive does not necessarily mean you have to pay for her choices.”
“And no, you didn’t stand her in a foreign country without financial help.”
“It was her decision to stay behind.”
“All you did was respect her decision.”
“However, it was not your obligation to fund her decision.”
“She’s a grown woman, which means she’s responsible for her choices and her financial independence.”
“You invited her on a couple’s trip.”
“Well, the couple’s trip is over.”
“She decided to stay on her own?”
“That’s no longer part of the deal.”
“She has every right to stay behind, she also has the right to pay for that out of her own pocket.”
“Has she been this manipulative before? Red flag.” ~ niniane95
“NTA: A last-minute decision to ‘find herself’ and ‘think about your relationship without you there.’ is a sure sign that she wants to fool around with some dude abroad because how are you going to cross paths with that person?”
“For your sake, I hope you broke up over this.” ~ SnailChateau
“She went on the trip. She chose not to use the return ticket he had bought.”
“She can get in trouble with the Italian immigration authority because she overstays her visa and doesn’t have any financial means of supporting herself.”
“She then called her friends to berate OP for ‘stranding’ her overseas. Nope.”
“She chose to stay behind.”
“That’s on her. NTA.” ~LadyNiko
“‘To think about our relationship without me.'”
“The relationship without you is her being single.”
“To spring it on you at the last minute and imply that it’s about whether or not you’ll stay together?”
“And then expect you to pay her way?”
“She chose not to get on the plane where her ticket was already paid for by you, and wanted a new ticket?”
“NTA. It was her choice to incur more expenses for you, without your consent.”
“Adding in the ‘to think about our relationship without you’ just makes it sound extra sketchy while still acting entitled to your money.” ~ DodGamnBunofaSitch
“She doesn’t need to stay in Italy to think about the relationship.”
“She can do that at home.”
“If she wants to stay longer in Italy (don’t entirely blame her, Italy is beautiful) then she needs to pay to be able to stay.”
“Especially with the line about needing to think about the relationship without him. NTA.”
“She had the choice to get on the plane and do her thinking back home.”
“If she wants to extend her vacation, for any reason, it’s on her to pay for it.” ~ Old-Mention9632
“NTA, with the information provided.”
“You didn’t leave her stranded.”
“She left herself stranded.”
“She chose not to use the plane ticket you purchased and wanted you to just buy her a new one for some time later.”
“Presumably pay for her lodging and food, as well?”
“And all announced the day you were supposed to leave to go back home?”
“If the financial burden was too much for her to bear, she could have just got on the airplane but asked for a seat change to ‘be alone and think about the relationship.'” ~ whorfin2022
“NTA. I’m sorry friend, it sounds like this is the beginning of a breakup with her comments about finding herself and thinking about the relationship.”
“She’s not TA for considering breaking up with you, because not all relationships work out, but she became the flaming AH when she wanted you to bankroll her extended overseas holiday while she ponders whether or not she wants to keep seeing you or not.”
“This will likely be difficult, but try to see this as an opportunity to weed out who your real friends are as any sane person who is actually your friend will be OUTRAGED on your behalf.”
“Even if you were Bill Gates levels of rich and the money meant nothing to you, would it be insanely rude for someone to ask you to bankroll their breakup with you.” ~ unqiueuser
“NTA. She pretty much dumped you, and then she expected you to spend additional money out of pocket so she could extend her vacation.” ~ Kufat
OP came back with an update…
“Thank you to all the people who responded, especially the early ones who gave some outside verification of me probably not being the a**hole.”
“I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m completely blameless here because you’re only getting one side of the story, and I need to take responsibility for my part in this whole thing such as it is.”
“But I guess I never realized how good my girlfriend was at making me feel like unreasonable sh*t was normal and rational and that I was the crazy one.”
“So here’s the update.”
“We’re both back in America now and she’s packing her s**t to go stay with her family for a bit until she can find a new place.”
“Soon after I posted, it was time to go to the airport, so I did… without her.”
“I’m one of those people who arrives really early because I never think I’ll get to the gate in time because everything that could go wrong probably would go wrong (it never does, but, especially with how I was feeling, my luck was going, I didn’t want to push it).”
“I was there for about an hour by myself, mulling things over and talking to my mom.”
“I looked at a couple of responses to this post, but I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t lose it if I started responding, and I definitely didn’t want to burst into tears while I was in the airport.”
“As I was talking to my mom, my girlfriend showed up.”
“I guess she thought I was bluffing but had a rude awakening when the hotel staff kicked her out of the room because I’d only paid through that day.”
“I took no small amount of satisfaction in this.”
“She’d been so concerned about the plane ticket that she didn’t even stop to think about where she was going to stay.”
“As many of you guessed, she met someone while we were in Italy.”
“She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn’t done anything, but she had his @ and was wanting to see if it’d go anywhere.”
“I guess that’s what I get for not feeling well and wanting to stay in one night while she went out to explore.”
“Obviously, I told her things were over between us.”
“Even though she tried to make it sound like nothing had happened, the fact was…”
“A. I couldn’t feel like I could trust her when she said that and…”
“B. I don’t really want to be with someone who feels like it’s okay to still ‘keep her options open’ when she’s been in a monogamous relationship for the past two years.
“The flight home was awkward as f**k, and she tried really hard to give another pitch for why we should stay together on the drive home from the airport.”
“I think, as we got closer to home, reality started setting in, and she realized she’d just thrown a lot away.”
“So yeah. I’m jetlagged and physically and emotionally exhausted.”
“I’m just kind of numb at this point.”
“Finally, I didn’t see all the comments (as there are 2.5k at the time of this update), but to the few that were downvoted into oblivion who said this was fake because I hadn’t updated in several hours… f**k you.”
“I was looking for reasonable dissenting opinions that might have helped me make sense of this situation and you’re accusing me of making this up for random internet points??”
“Believe it or not, my priority was not to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet how my world was falling apart around me.”
“I know it’s easy to think that these people aren’t real and their struggles are meaningless because screens divide us, but, ironically, you’re the a**holes.”
Though it hurts now, it sounds like you dodged a bullet, OP.
This could’ve been far worse a decade from now.
Take some time for recovery.
Good luck… and change the locks!!!