Italy is one of those magical places that's at the top of everyone's vacation bucket list.
But sometimes not even the magic of Italy can save a relationship.
Romantic troubles don't stay at home when lovers go abroad.
In fact, the vacation itself can spark the beginning of the end.
Redditor Fabulous-Plenty-5465 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's plane ticket after she decided to stay longer on her trip without me?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So, here's the deal."
"My (28 M[ale]) girlfriend (27 F[emale]) of two years and I planned a two-week vacation to Italy."
"I paid for the flights, hotels—everything because I make more than she does, and I wanted it to be a stress-free trip for both of us."
"Everything was great until the last day when she told me she wanted to stay longer to 'find herself' and think about our relationship without me."
"She didn't discuss this with me beforehand, and it completely blindsided me."
"I was hurt and told her that if she feels she needs time alone, then she should also be independent financially during this extension of her trip."
"I said I wouldn't be paying for her new return ticket whenever she decides to come back."
"Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to pay for her new plane ticket home after she chose to extend her trip without any heads-up?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. She can 'find herself' on her own dime."
"That's reasonable and fair."
"Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help."
"You have been supportive and unselfish."
"You didn't complain or become difficult."
"You respected her decision to stay and 'find herself.'"
"Supportive does not necessarily mean you have to pay for her choices."
"And no, you didn't stand her in a foreign country without financial help."
"It was her decision to stay behind."
"All you did was respect her decision."
"However, it was not your obligation to fund her decision."
"She's a grown woman, which means she's responsible for her choices and her financial independence."
"You invited her on a couple's trip."
"Well, the couple's trip is over."
"She decided to stay on her own?"
"That's no longer part of the deal."
"She has every right to stay behind, she also has the right to pay for that out of her own pocket."
"Has she been this manipulative before? Red flag." ~ niniane95
"NTA: A last-minute decision to 'find herself' and 'think about your relationship without you there.' is a sure sign that she wants to fool around with some dude abroad because how are you going to cross paths with that person?"
"For your sake, I hope you broke up over this." ~ SnailChateau
"She went on the trip. She chose not to use the return ticket he had bought."
"She can get in trouble with the Italian immigration authority because she overstays her visa and doesn't have any financial means of supporting herself."
"She then called her friends to berate OP for 'stranding' her overseas. Nope."
"She chose to stay behind."
"That's on her. NTA." ~LadyNiko
"'To think about our relationship without me.'"
"The relationship without you is her being single."
"To spring it on you at the last minute and imply that it's about whether or not you'll stay together?"
"And then expect you to pay her way?"
"She chose not to get on the plane where her ticket was already paid for by you, and wanted a new ticket?"
"NTA. It was her choice to incur more expenses for you, without your consent."
"Adding in the 'to think about our relationship without you' just makes it sound extra sketchy while still acting entitled to your money." ~ DodGamnBunofaSitch
"She doesn't need to stay in Italy to think about the relationship."
"She can do that at home."
"If she wants to stay longer in Italy (don't entirely blame her, Italy is beautiful) then she needs to pay to be able to stay."
"Especially with the line about needing to think about the relationship without him. NTA."
"She had the choice to get on the plane and do her thinking back home."
"If she wants to extend her vacation, for any reason, it's on her to pay for it." ~ Old-Mention9632
"NTA, with the information provided."
"You didn't leave her stranded."
"She left herself stranded."
"She chose not to use the plane ticket you purchased and wanted you to just buy her a new one for some time later."
"Presumably pay for her lodging and food, as well?"
"And all announced the day you were supposed to leave to go back home?"
"If the financial burden was too much for her to bear, she could have just got on the airplane but asked for a seat change to 'be alone and think about the relationship.'" ~ whorfin2022
"NTA. I'm sorry friend, it sounds like this is the beginning of a breakup with her comments about finding herself and thinking about the relationship."
"She's not TA for considering breaking up with you, because not all relationships work out, but she became the flaming AH when she wanted you to bankroll her extended overseas holiday while she ponders whether or not she wants to keep seeing you or not."
"This will likely be difficult, but try to see this as an opportunity to weed out who your real friends are as any sane person who is actually your friend will be OUTRAGED on your behalf."
"Even if you were Bill Gates levels of rich and the money meant nothing to you, would it be insanely rude for someone to ask you to bankroll their breakup with you." ~ unqiueuser
"NTA. She pretty much dumped you, and then she expected you to spend additional money out of pocket so she could extend her vacation." ~ Kufat
OP came back with an update...
"Thank you to all the people who responded, especially the early ones who gave some outside verification of me probably not being the a**hole."
"I don't feel comfortable saying I'm completely blameless here because you're only getting one side of the story, and I need to take responsibility for my part in this whole thing such as it is."
"But I guess I never realized how good my girlfriend was at making me feel like unreasonable sh*t was normal and rational and that I was the crazy one."
"So here's the update."
"We're both back in America now and she's packing her s**t to go stay with her family for a bit until she can find a new place."
"Soon after I posted, it was time to go to the airport, so I did... without her."
"I'm one of those people who arrives really early because I never think I'll get to the gate in time because everything that could go wrong probably would go wrong (it never does, but, especially with how I was feeling, my luck was going, I didn't want to push it)."
"I was there for about an hour by myself, mulling things over and talking to my mom."
"I looked at a couple of responses to this post, but I didn't trust that I wouldn't lose it if I started responding, and I definitely didn't want to burst into tears while I was in the airport."
"As I was talking to my mom, my girlfriend showed up."
"I guess she thought I was bluffing but had a rude awakening when the hotel staff kicked her out of the room because I'd only paid through that day."
"I took no small amount of satisfaction in this."
"She'd been so concerned about the plane ticket that she didn't even stop to think about where she was going to stay."
"As many of you guessed, she met someone while we were in Italy."
"She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn't done anything, but she had his @ and was wanting to see if it'd go anywhere."
"I guess that's what I get for not feeling well and wanting to stay in one night while she went out to explore."
"Obviously, I told her things were over between us."
"Even though she tried to make it sound like nothing had happened, the fact was..."
"A. I couldn't feel like I could trust her when she said that and..."
"B. I don't really want to be with someone who feels like it's okay to still 'keep her options open' when she's been in a monogamous relationship for the past two years.
"The flight home was awkward as f**k, and she tried really hard to give another pitch for why we should stay together on the drive home from the airport."
"I think, as we got closer to home, reality started setting in, and she realized she'd just thrown a lot away."
"So yeah. I'm jetlagged and physically and emotionally exhausted."
"I'm just kind of numb at this point."
"Finally, I didn't see all the comments (as there are 2.5k at the time of this update), but to the few that were downvoted into oblivion who said this was fake because I hadn't updated in several hours... f**k you."
"I was looking for reasonable dissenting opinions that might have helped me make sense of this situation and you're accusing me of making this up for random internet points??"
"Believe it or not, my priority was not to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet how my world was falling apart around me."
"I know it's easy to think that these people aren't real and their struggles are meaningless because screens divide us, but, ironically, you're the a**holes."
Though it hurts now, it sounds like you dodged a bullet, OP.
This could've been far worse a decade from now.
Take some time for recovery.
Good luck... and change the locks!!!
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.