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Guy Called Out For Staying Overnight At A Party While Wife Was Home Sick

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Everyone likes to go out and have fun, especially after the year we recently had.

But sometimes we have to decline a good time in favor of our adult responsibilities.

One guy apparently didn’t get the memo, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor partytimeaita chose to go to a party instead of caring for his child while his wife was sick in bed.

But even after seeing his wife’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) struggled to see where he went wrong.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for leaving my sick wife at home to attend a party?”

The OP and his wife planned to attend a party.

“My brother and SIL (sister-in-law) threw a housewarming party a couple of days ago.”

“It’s been planned for a few weeks and my wife and I were planning on attending.”

“Since they live about an hour away from us, we had asked my MIL (mother-in-law) to watch our 2-year old son, so that we could enjoy the party and crash at my brother’s place.”

The day of the party, the OP’s wife was sick.

“Well, Saturday morning comes along and my wife wakes up with a nasty head cold. No fever or cough, just a lot of nasal pressure and sneezing.”

“She’s not sure she wants to go to the party anymore.”

“I feel fine and make sure to check the temperatures of me and our son and we are both ok. Wife, MIL, and I are all vaccinated.”

“MIL is already at our place and tells me she’s looking forward to spending time with her grandson and has a lot of activities planned.”

The OP decided to go anyway.

“I ask my wife if she wants to take some meds and still attend the party, and she says she’d rather just stay in bed.”

“I ask her if I can get her anything and she says no.”

“So, I start to get myself ready to go.”

“By the time I’m ready, my wife is asleep again so I tell MIL that I am leaving. I make sure that she has everything she needs for our son and she pretty much tells me to go have fun and she’s got this.”

The OP’s wife then reached out to him.

“So I get to my brother’s place and start enjoying myself.”

“A few hours after I arrive, my wife starts texting me asking me when I’m coming home.”

“I tell her that I’ve already had a few drinks and was planning on staying over like we had planned on before.”

“She told me that I should stop drinking and sober up so that I can come home that night since she isn’t feeling well.”

“I ended up calling her rather than texting and asked her why she felt I needed to come home.”

“She said she feels bad about MIL watching our son while she’s sick and that I should come home to help her out.”

“I told her that I wouldn’t even feel comfortable driving for at least 2 hours, then the hour drive home, and by the time I get back our son would be getting ready for bed anyway.”

“She just says, ‘Whatever, have fun,’ and hangs up.”

The OP continued with the original plan.

“So, that’s what I do. I enjoy myself the rest of the night and crash at my brother’s place.”

“I get up in the morning, grab a coffee, and hit the road and I’m home around 9 am.”

“My wife is still asleep so I leave her be.”

“MIL and son are just finishing breakfast and MIL wants to hang out for a bit, so we go for a walk.”

The OP’s wife was not happy with him.

“When we get back, my wife is finally out of bed and she’s still p**sed at me.”

“She tells me I was a jerk for leaving without talking to her and a jerk for not stopping drinking and coming home.”

“I told her it wasn’t my fault she got sick and couldn’t go.”

“I told her it seems like she’s using me as a target for frustration because she couldn’t go.”

“My wife kept making comments about me not coming home the night before, so I asked her what her problem is.”

“She said I should have stayed home completely after finding out she was sick and she’s p**sed I prioritized having fun over taking care of our family.”

“Am I really the a**hole here?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were critical of the OP for not being more careful about germs.

“YTA. You DO realize that you can have and spread whatever illness your wife has even if you don’t have symptoms, right? It’s been all over the news that asymptotic people spread viruses. It sucks that you’re so cavalier about that.”CoastalCerulean

“If you’re vaccinated against [the virus] and still get it anyway, the symptoms then look very much like a cold, runny nose, sneezing, etc., instead of the standard [virus] symptoms.”

“Just happened to my parents, they both had ‘cold,’ and if my Dad hadn’t been hospitalized, which meant mandatory testing, we would never have known they had [the virus] and should have been self-isolating while they were infectious.” – noddyneddy

“With what is currently happening in the world, I would high-key be p**sed if I were the hosts. His wife is sick; I would rather someone be cautious and stay home just in case it was you-know-what.”

“I would also not want my mom around me if I were feeling sick right about now, vaccinated or not. These reasons may have added to OP’s wife being annoyed…”Electrical-Date-3951

Others said he was disrespectful and unconcerned for his wife.

“Even if it’s not a serious disease, the lack of concern for his wife’s health is downright disrespectful.”

“If I went to a party while my spouse is ill, I would not be staying the night. I’d leave early to take care of them.”

“MIL was there to babysit the son, not to play nursemaid at the same time!”saucynoodlelover

“The fact that he didn’t even ask her if it was okay, he left without her, blew my mind.”

“My husband wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the party without me. We have tried this before when I was sick at home and I had sent him away to a birthday party (before [the pandemic]).”

“That and the OP doesn’t even understand the female language yet… ‘Enjoy the party’ and hangs up, that means, ‘Come home now or you will be sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life.'”TheGreenElevator

“YTA. Checking your temperature was supposed to accomplish what exactly? You were probably still exposed to whatever she has and exposed everyone at the party too.”

“So, you’re an AH for that. And I mean yeah, you left your sick wife and refused to come home. Hope the party was worth it.”thereforthecomments

“YTA. You quite obviously avoided telling your wife that you were still going to go to the party until the last minute when *gasp* she was asleep so you got to go off without asking her.”

“You should have asked her if she was still ok with you going.”

“And that’s completely sidestepping the whole – let’s go to a party during a pandemic when your wife is sick and you don’t know for a fact that it’s not the pandemic virus she’s sick by, because if you’re vaccinated, you have lesser symptoms.”

“Which frankly also makes you an AH for potentially exposing all those people.”trilliumsummer

A few said the OP wasn’t technically the AH.

“Okay. So he is TA for going to this party when they aren’t sure what is causing his wife’s sickness. However, he isn’t asking if he’s the a**hole for that.”

“He’s asking if he’s the a**hole for going when she felt sick. Pre-[pandemic], this is easily NTA.”

“While it isn’t great to go to a party when someone you live with is sick, he wasn’t leaving his sick wife home to deal with their child alone. OP’s MIL was there.”

“He’s NTA for what he’s asking judgment for. But he is TA for being less cautionary with [virus] cases rising again.”Fishinwild-Bootswfur

“His MIL was there with the situation under control… and she had no problem with her mother babysitting while they would be away until she got sick…. That’s kind of whack, isn’t it?”Albreitz

Though the OP was convinced he wasn’t in the wrong for going to the party without his wife, the subReddit wasn’t totally sure.

Some agreed with him that it was his right to go and have a good time, especially since his wife could stay in bed, and his mother-in-law was there to care for his child.

But most found it insensitive to sneak out while his wife was sleeping and to later disregard her feelings on the phone, not to mention all the possible germs he brought with him to that party.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.