Being pregnant is a joyous time for many.
The anticipation of the baby’s arrival, the hopes for the future, it can all be so life-affirming.
But many pregnancies are not full of joy.
A lot of pregnancies are dangerous and stressful.
And it can take a village to help bring a newborn into this world safely.
Redditor ThrowRAalskdkd wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my stepdaughters to allow me to stay on the first floor?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I have been married for three years, and his daughters are 16 and 17.”
“I’ve always tried to get along with the girls; they’re polite, and their mother is really kind.”
“My husband’s house has two floors.”
“The girls have their rooms on the first floor, and my husband slept on the second floor.”
“When I moved in, we still lived that way, as it was honestly not a nuisance to me.”
“The problem is that I am pregnant now, it is a risky pregnancy, and I have to be at rest all the time, so climbing the stairs scares me, and the doctor said that it would be good if I tried not to climb them for now.”
“My plan was to offer one of the girls to sleep on the second floor, and my husband would sleep in one of their bedrooms for now.”
“They come four days a week lately, so I didn’t think it would be too much of a hassle for them.”
“We also offered to change the beds.”
“They both got angry and said that we can’t kick them out of their bedroom since that is their part of the house.”
“My husband always told them that that part of the house is totally theirs.”
“I have no problem with it since they are his daughters.”
“Basically, the only thing we share is the dining room and kitchen since they have a bathroom.”
“My husband basically told me he can’t force them to do that, so I’m on my own in this.”
“They don’t want to go upstairs because, according to them, it’s too small, and it will be a hassle to have to climb the stairs all the time to get their things.”
“My husband always told them that that part of the house is 100% theirs, so it’s literally like a separate part of the house.”
“I never even went into their bathroom.”
“The only problem is that I just need them to do that favor for me until the doctor tells me that my pregnancy is out of risk.”
“We even plan to make the room for the baby upstairs so as not to bother them.”
“The girls reacted so badly that it made me think I’m behaving like an evil stepmother.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My husband basically told me he can’t force them to do that, so I’m on my own in this.”
“Uh, no?”
“You’re his wife, carrying his child?”
“If you’re ‘on your own,’ then you’re no longer together.”
“You can all work together as a family to navigate this, but he doesn’t just get to throw his hands up at the slightest push back and bow out of his family responsibilities. NTA.” ~ EffableFornent
“NTA. I wouldn’t even call your stepdaughters a**holes for their refusal – they’re teenagers dealing with a baby coming into their home, so I’m willing to cut them some slack here.”
“No, the a**hole is your husband.”
“You are pregnant with his child, your pregnancy is high-risk, and you’re on your own?”
“He needs to help you find a solution, and pronto.”
“If he won’t move one of his daughters out of her room, then he needs to turn the dining room into your bedroom or something like that.” ~ HoldFastO2
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“It’s complicated, because I can’t really blame his teenage daughters—this is a lot for them too.”
“Imagine being told that the house you’re living in is your space: a place where you’re meant to feel comfortable, grow up, and have stability.”
“In a split-custody situation, being there four days a week is already a significant amount of time.”
“I don’t think the solution should be removing teenagers from the space they’ve been told is theirs.”
“At the same time, it sounds like there may not be another area in the house that’s suitable.”
“But if she’s on bed rest, I’m also concerned about why she’s needing to go up and down the stairs so much in the first place.”
“I don’t think she’s the a**hole either.”
“Ultimately, this is an issue between her and her husband.”
“They need to find a solution together and keep the teenage girls out of it.” ~yassbeech
“What are they 5?”
“What’s with the velvet glove handling of teenagers here?”
“Are we going to let pass the lack of empathy and the sense of entitlement because they’re just kids?”
“What is the plan here then, just let her have a perilous pregnancy because we can’t get teenagers to be more considerate because it’s ‘their’ space?”
“Why does she need to go up and down the stairs – needing to see the doctor, needing to eat, needing to at least prepare snacks for herself if her useless husband can’t get around to feeding her, needing to do basic things besides rotting in bed while pregnant, like maybe going out to the garden?”
“Many, many things will still require a pregnant woman to get out of bed even when she is on bed rest.” ~ WorthyBroccoli025
“I was a teen, I raised 3 kids through their teens into adulthood.”
“At absolutely no time would I, my siblings, or any of our friends behave this way to a woman in a dangerous pregnancy.”
“None of my kids or any of their friends would have acted this way either.”
“Their dad is a colossal AH and is the one primarily responsible here, but those girls get no pass from me.”
“They are self-centered AHs.” ~ readergirl35
“NTA. This is ridiculous.”
“They are 16 and 17.”
“It is not up to them to ‘allow’ you to do anything.”
“You are one of the adults in the house.”
“Your husband is allowing his daughters to treat you appallingly, and he should be ashamed.” ~ Wise_Session_5370
“NTA. Move out of the house to a place where it’s safe for you and your baby.”
“Here, you and the baby are at risk, and nobody cares.”
“Not your stepdaughters who don’t want to be inconvenienced, not your husband and father for your unborn child, who won’t protect you or the baby.”
“Move back with family that cares.”
“Your life and the baby’s life are at risk here.” ~ itsminimes
“This. My suggestion would also be to move out.” ~ fosse76
“Mine too. OP, they can do whatever they want and care about themselves, and you move out and care about your baby and your life.”
“He told you he will not help, so focus on YOUR child.”
“He can clean their stuff and cook and wash… tell him it’s on him, he has to figure out like you had to figure out how to protect your child.” ~ Significant_Taro_690
“NAH (except for the husband for the way he reacted).”
“You’re not wrong in asking, but for them this is a case of ‘this baby is not even here yet, and it’s already taking our space,’ and if their dad forces them to move, it’ll strain the relationship with his daughters, who will believe he prioritises new wife and baby over existing kids.”
“I understand you’re probably very stressed right now, but I can also see their point and don’t think they’re wrong.” ~ kaoru1987
“NAH. You are not kicking them out.”
“It was a reasonable request.”
“But I also see their point.”
“Their dad will get a new child, and they fear that they could lose their space to their half-sibling.”
“I also get that teenage girls would not like the idea of their parents being in their room having intercourse.”
“Maybe try to have a calm family talk about that, reassure them, that they won’t lose their rooms and space, but it is just for medical reasons.”
“Or if there is the space, offer them both to switch upstairs so this could become their new place.” ~ Trevena_Ice
“NTA. This should not be something you ask for.”
“Your husband should take the lead and simply inform them that this is how it will be now.”
“If they get upset, then he should shoulder the blame for it to not put you in a tough spot as a step-parent.” ~ 25mmcb
“NTA. This is a reasonable, health-driven request, and I’m most upset at your husband.”
“That’s his kid, too, that he’s putting at risk here.”
“I get where the daughters are coming from, and yeah, it’s a disruption for them, but much less so than would be complications with the kid.”
“Hope it goes well for you.” ~ BetweenWeebandOtaku
OP came back to chat.
“I appreciate the advice, but please don’t tell me to leave the house for a hotel; I’m going to have a baby, and I don’t have the money to pay for lodging.”
“Please note that in my country, one dollar is equal to $1400 in the national coin.”
“The doctor’s words were ‘absolute rest,’ no cleaning, no exercise, no sudden movements, and he recommended that I avoid stairs.”
“Yes, I had the idea to sleep in the living room, but my bathroom is upstairs, and they don’t want to share their bathroom.
“Yes, visitors must go to the upstairs bathroom + my older stepdaughter said it would be tacky to do that since she brings friends home.”
“Also, my husband doesn’t have a spine, and I’m trying not to get stressed.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
This behavior is outrageous!
Your baby’s life is at risk, and this is how your husband reacts?!
Once this baby is born, and your stress is lightened, it may be time to take a long, hard look at this marriage.
Good Luck.