Something no parent is entirely prepared for is having a child with interests and ideas completely different than their own.
More often than not, however, children find themselves discovering who they are, which doesn’t always align with the sort of lifestyle they were brought up in.
Even if it takes some getting used to, parents grow not only to accept the fact that their children will make different choices than they would have made but grow to love them all the more for it.
Sadly, other parents prove to be too stuck in their ways.
Redditor Mysterious_Raise_156 recently took his daughter to get her haircut, and she left very happy with her choice of style.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s wife, his daughter’s stepmother, was not a fan of her stepdaughter’s haircut and wasn’t afraid to say so.
Resulting in some unexpected tension between the OP and his wife.
Having doubts about how he handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my wife to get over my daughters short hair?”
The OP explained why they lost patience with their wife’s opinion of his daughter’s recent haircut:
“I (40 M[ale]) and my wife(42 F[emale]) have been married for 5 years.”
“I have a 14-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.”
“Her mother wanted nothing to do with her when she was born.”
“When I met my wife, she was worried about being a bad stepmother to my daughter.”
“They became close, and they do a spa day every Mother’s Day.”
“My daughter has very long hair down to her shoulders.”
“She hates putting it up in ponytails, and she complains about the length of time it takes to blow-dry.”
“She’s a big tom-boy, and one of her friends recommended she gets a pixie cut.”
“I booked her an appointment to get the cut she wanted and she was very happy.”
“She’s been in such a great mood and loves having the short hair.”
“When I brought her home to see wife, my wife dropped what she was doing and looked like she was about to faint.”
“She asked why I allowed my daughter to cut all her hair off.”
“I told her that this is the cut my daughter wanted.”
“My wife got furious and started telling me about how I ruined daughter’s image. I shot back at her to get over the hair-cut as it made daughter happy.”
“That was all I wanted was my daughter to be happy.”
“My wife continued to complain about the haircut even around my daughter and I had to tell her multiple times to drop it.”
“My daughter has been very depressed, and it’s worrying me.”
“I have been giving my wife the cold shoulder, and she’s being very cold to both me and my daughter.”
“AITA for telling my wife to get over my daughters short hair?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling his wife to stop commenting on his daughter’s pixie cut.
While not everyone agreed that giving his wife the cold shoulder was the best solution, they all agreed that her reaction to his daughter’s pixie cut was way out of line, and he was absolutely correct in putting a stop to it.
“NTA.”
“The way she’s continuing to complain about the cut itself and the girl’s ‘image’ sounds like she straight up thinks girls shouldn’t have short hair.”
“Maybe she was ok with your daughter’s tomboy-ness as long as she still had what your wife considers a major signal of femininity, and now she feels the girl is ‘too masculine’.”
“She may or may not have ideas about this having something to do with your having been a single father.”
“Maybe she feels an inappropriate level of authority or control over your child’s choices about how she presents herself in general, regardless of gender norms, and feels her authority was usurped.”
“Regardless of the nature of her issue, she is making a child feel bad about her appearance and her preferences for her own body, and she needs to stop.”- mwmandorla
“NTA.”
“But you might want to talk to your daughter privately about if her step mother is expressing other opinions to her or pressuring her.”
“Overreacting to hair is silly.”
“See what else she is whispering to the girl, esp if your wife hates her being a tomboy.”
“Also make sure your daughter knows she can come to you for any issue, like romantic crushes, physical things like periods.”
“Make sure she doesn’t feel like your wife controls your daughter’s access to the things she needs.”-Rohini_rambles
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Your daughter is old enough to make her own style choices and she’s obviously happy.”
“That IS all that matters.”
“It’s just hair.”
“She can grow it long again if she chooses to do so.”
“It’s not like she amputated a limb.”
“Your wife is def the AH for bringing up her issues with her hair in front of your daughter.”- Yungeel
“NTA.”
“I would definitely talk to your wife privately when your daughter is not around.”
“Cold shoulder is not going to help it stop from happening again.”
“I’d find out what’s up.”
“I guarantee she has said something and talked to your daughter privately!”
“So you need to speak to her as well.”
“Your wife needs to respect at 14 his girl has a right, just as a person to choose her own hairstyle.”
“Not even a matter of mom, stepmom, etc.”
“Please set some boundaries with your wife now.”
“This could get really bad as this girl continues through her teens.”
“You can’t ignore it.”- NotyJewel
“NTA.”
“Your daughter is the one who gets to choose the length of her hair.”
“My mother kept my hair short while I was young.”
“Once I hit high school, I put my foot down and started growing it out.”
“I’d been in pixie cuts and short bobs until then.”
“HAIR IS HAIR AND HAIR GROWS!”- midnightsrose77
“As a tomboy who wasn’t allowed to cut my hair short as a kid and finally did it as an adult, let me first say thank you so much for being so supportive of your daughter getting the hairstyle she wanted.”
“You are not remotely the a-hole, but your wife 100% is.”
“Please continue to be firm. If your daughter is hearing your wife speaking negatively about her appearance, she needs to also be hearing you defend her.”
“I’m normally a proponent of presenting a united front to the kids, but not when one of the parents is insulting a child.”
“If your wife can’t shut the F up about it, that would become a ‘you are no longer to be in my child’s presence’ situation.”
“Tell your daughter that she’s a badass who looks amazing.”
“NTA.”- acemerrill
“NTA.”
“I’m not sure what’s going on with your wife here.”
“She has some odd hangups about hair.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“NTA.”
“The only person whose opinion matters on your daughter’s hairstyle is your daughter.”
“She’s 14, not 4.”
“Your wife seriously needs to get a check on her comments and behavior.”- Ok_Childhood_9774
“Your wife seems overly concerned about your daughter’s image, and her need to harp on the haircut sounds immature.”
“She is acting like a pill.”
“You gave her permission for the haircut, and your daughter is happy.”
“Wife needs to start acting like an adult.”
“NTA.”- Admirable_Aide5558
“NTA.”
“Your wife needs to calm down.”
“Your daughter is 14 and old enough to select her own hairstyles.”
“If she is happy with it, that’s all that matters.”
“Your wife sounds incredibly materialistic.”- lenajlch
“NTA.”
“Your wife sounds more concerned with her OWN image rather than your daughter’s happiness.”
“Why should your daughter’s choice of hairstyle affect her so much?”- Visual-Lobster6625
“NTA.”
“My mom wouldn’t let me have short hair.”
“I got it cut short in college a little under ten years ago and have never let it grow back out.”
“I truly dislike long hair and can’t even stand my hair touching the bottom of my neck now.”
“If your daughter wants it short, she should have it short.”
“It’s not like she asked to start drinking or something.”- tabby51260
“I’m increasingly convinced about the panic from women about girls cutting their hair short is a badly disguised ‘oh no! Maybe she’s a lesbian!’ panic.”
“NTA and people need to stop getting their panties in a twist about girls cutting their hair short.”-RivSilver
It’s pretty much expected that parents aren’t always going to love certain decisions made by their children. However, for the OP’s wife to relentlessly bemoan a hairstyle that her stepdaughter loves is childish to the point of dangerous.
Though, as many people have pointed out, the OP giving his wife the cold shoulder is likely not the most effective way to handle this.
A civil conversation, explaining to her how hurtful her behavior was to his daughter would no doubt be much more effective.