Redditor throwra-adviceplsst always had a complicated relationship with her stepsister.
Over the years, the Original Poster (OP) has seen her stepsister generously pay off family members’s debt, give extravagant gifts, and otherwise share the fruits of her labor.
The OP recently got engaged and asked her stepsister to help out financially.
Originally she agreed, but recent events have changed things.
An argument over how much the OP’s stepsister would contribute drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for expecting my very rich sister to pitch in on my wedding after she said she would?”
She went on to explain.
Hi all, My [Female age 35] mother married my stepdad when I was 17. He had a daughter from a previous marriage, Ellie [Female age 29].”
“We were never close because when they moved in with us, Ellie was super, super clingy, would always follow me around, and basically stalk me in my own home.”
“Your typical know-it-all barely left the house, so basically had zero friends that weren’t online.”
“So Ellie managed to graduate early and get into a really good college on scholarships, then got a masters there as well.”
“She’s in engineering, and her college is like apparently one of the best ones for engineering. So straight after graduating, she was earning a crazy amount.”
“She’s been rubbing this in my face ever since she got the acceptance letter.”
“When she was home, she was always wearing the university hoodie, always talking about what she’s doing at college, sending videos of robots and sh*t into the family group chat.”
“Now that she’s earning so much, it’s sh*t like her paying off our parents car loans for Christmas or getting extravagant gifts for everyone. We had a few fights about it, but we always made up.”
“So now, onto this year, I got engaged last year in February to my fiance [Male, age 32]. I asked my sister if she would pitch in, and she said she would help out.”
“Knowing she had the money I got to plan my dream wedding, I was so excited about planning our big day. That was all until I showed her the plans, and she pulled the rug from beneath my feet.”
“She asks me how I’m paying for it (my husband and I didn’t do college, so are not high earners), and I reminded her that she said she would help.”
“She’s now saying that she won’t help pay for it, and she will at the absolute most pay for my dress.”
“I told her it’s unfair of her to lie to me and only tell me after planning everything that she isn’t actually going to help.”
“She blew up at me over us not being close in the past and blaming me for it. It takes two people to bond. But she claims everything’s my fault.”
“We argued for a bit, and now she’s not even paying for my dress. All the wedding planning I’ve done has been for nothing now.” ‘
“My parents are split, with my mom saying Ellie needs to honor her word and let me have the wedding I planned, and we all pitch in what we can afford.”
“My stepdad is angry I asked her in the first place and dug up some old arguments from when I was 17.”
“AITA for expecting her to do what she said?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA. Someone saying they’ll help with a wedding in no way indicates they’ll just pay for the whole thing. Just because she has money doesn’t mean you are entitled to it.”
“And when dealing with wedding budgets, you should always find out what people are actually willing to spend and not count on the money until it is in your hand.”
“You and your mother are delusional thinking Ellie ever agreed to or should have to, pay for your wedding.” – sharethewine
“Yes, YTA. So, Ellie is your younger stepsister you basically had no use for and then seemed to be jealous of who somehow you thought would foot your dream wedding.”
“Apparently, she did say she’d help, and offering to buy your dress IS helping. That’s generous help, I’d say, all things considered.”
“I don’t see where she signed on to pay for whatever you chose to set up.”
“You’re not entitled to Ellie’s wealth. She earned it, and it is 100% hers. It’s nice that she has chosen to share some of it with family at times.”
“Ellie owes you nothing. Your thinking is absurd. Have the wedding YOU can afford and be happy with it.” – Realistic_Head4279
“YTA You can’t pay for a champagne wedding with a beer pocketbook. If you don’t want your sister to buy your dress, it’s your decision.”
“She said she’d help with the wedding, not pay for a lavish ceremony and reception. Plan the wedding you can afford.” – Heloise_Morris
“How was she rubbing anything in your face by simply being excited about her achievements and sharing them with her family? And why would she pay for the whole thing?”
“I mean, you said she said she’d help… You assumed she’d pay for everything and then got upset when she wouldn’t and has absolutely no responsibility to do so.”
“She’s your stepsister, not your parent. Also, you haven’t said one good thing about the poor girl in your me me me post, not even when you introduced her and fam…”
“I can’t imagine what growing up with you must have been like…”
“Oh, YTA” – Routine-Variation401
“YTA”
“This is entirely on you for planning without clarifying how much “help” was available and budgeting accordingly.”
“She owes you exactly nothing, and buying your dress is a very generous offer.” – rapt2right
“Greedy, greedy, greedy.”
“‘Pitch in’ does not in any way mean ‘pay for whatever extravagant nonsense you choose’.”
“How much did you multiply your initial budget by after your step-sister agreed to help out? You thought it was your chance to *finally shaft her, as though she owes you anything.”
“All she has done, based on what you have written, is try to be sisters and then share the fruits of her hard work and skills by helping her parents and giving nice gifts.”
“And you resent that. D*mn right, she has taken back her offer. You’re an awful sister.”
“YTA.” – Ma-Hu
The OP went on to update her original post on her page.
“Obviously, none of you value family. One of you felt the need to track down Ellie and send her the post, which was unnecessary and cruel. She texted me yesterday morning with this:”
“‘Hey, someone sent me your Reddit post. I am still processing all the things you said about me.’”
“‘I knew you didn’t care for me, and I knew you resented me when we were kids – I didn’t know you were capable of denigrating my character to that extent.’”
“‘I have never done anything but treat you like a sister. Using my real name? All my personal information? To the extent that someone could google me and track me down that easily?’”
“‘You know I’m a private person. What if someone from work sees it? What if f*cking anyone sees it?’”
“‘I left a comment in anger, but I deleted it. I cannot believe you would make this so public, and I should not be stooping to your level.’”
“‘As for the wedding, you’re on your own. I am not paying for anything, attending, or participating in any way. I do not deserve any of this.’”
“‘I’m blocking your number, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to contact me through other means.’”
“‘I’ve told Dad that if he wants to see me again, he can come to visit me. Ideally, we will not see each other again.’”
The OP filled us in on what happened after she heard from her stepsister.
“I talked to my fiance and told him through tears what Ellie had done. Even HE turned on me.”
“He started screaming at me about how I shouldn’t have asked Ellie and how I didn’t tell him during the planning that she was paying for it.”
“I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn’t stop screaming at me. He called me names, screamed at me while I was already crying, and then left.”
“She has everyone wrapped around her finger, she’s so manipulative I don’t know who I can even turn to right now because she has them all convinced she’s so perfect.”
“My mom is the only one I can trust right now. I’ve gone to stay with her for a while. Ellie has been ruining my life since I was 17, and now she’s managed to ruin my relationship.”
“I cannot believe you people have sided with her when all she’s ever done is destroy my life. She’s off in a whole other state and once again is facing no consequences for her actions.”
“I found her work email online from a thing she published and messaged her. She still hasn’t responded, but I will let you all know when she does.”
There are at least two of the seven deadly sins at play here.