Both partners working is pretty standard for most couples.
So who should be doing the household chores?
That’s something a lot of couples struggle with.
A spouse dealing with a husband who expects to be fed turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Sunshine_mtn321 asked:
“AITA for not stocking the fridge for my husband after his business trip?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband went out of the country for a business trip and returned home over the weekend. I was out of town visiting friends when he returned.”
“His gripe was that he was left with ‘no food’. For context, I do the majority of the grocery shopping (~90/10) and he does his share of other chores, etc…”
“I admit, there was not a refrigerator full of fresh food, because I did not go to the store that week. However, I can attest there was a freezer with several meals and a pantry with food that could’ve been prepared.”
“Perhaps not what he was hoping for, but there were some options. Also, we live in a major city with plenty of grocery stores and restaurants within walking distance.”
“Again, not ideal after a red-eye international flight, but options.”
“At first, it wasn’t a big deal, more of a joke, but when he repeatedly made jabs at me about it, I stood up for myself, and now it’s a full-blown argument. We are both stubborn people.”
“I can acknowledge that it would’ve been nice if I had stocked the fridge upon his return from the trip. However, I work a full-time job myself, and I see it as we are both capable adults at providing food for ourselves when the other is busy.”
“I’ve got to know, am I the a-hole in this situation?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action I took that should be judged is that I did not leave my refrigerator stocked for my husband when he returned from a business trip. I was out of town when he returned. I am the person that usually does the grocery shopping.”
“The action might make me the a-hole because it was a selfish act. I am the person who usually does the shopping, so it can be seen as my responsibility.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“If only men had access to the family money and were allowed to go to grocery stores.”
“I surely hope he did not starve to death. NTA.” ~ RandomizedNameSystem
“Maybe we could start a GoFundMe to raise awareness of this sad condition?”
“Can you imagine how hungry he was after a business trip without food and then the ENTIRE weekend?” ~ Mpegirl2006
“I can sing Sarah McLaughlin music for him like I do when my dog has been abused and not been fed Second Dinner.” ~ mangogetter
“Don’t know how to drive, don’t know how to phone, don’t know how to walk, don’t know how to eat. So what does he know? He knows how to complain.” ~ abstractengineer2000
“A dog has a pretty good case for both being unable to order and unable to eat a pizza or Chinese food. A man being unhappy that there isn’t food is, uh, odd since you can definitely eat some toast.”
“There is no way most houses have nothing to eat before you can go to the store for yourself in the morning after some sleep, everybody keeps a fair amount of food in rich countries. And not, like, making pasta, which takes a lot of effort and cleaning kinda stuff, like peanut butter and bread.” ~ mlc885
“My beagle is hilarious. He’s a Monster Food Thief and will drain my other dogs’ dishes once he has finished his own, but . . . he will not touch their food until he has had his own.”
“We feed them and put his bowl on the only counter he can’t jump on. When they are at least 3/4 done, we put his bowl down.”
“Every mealtime, he loses his mind because he is convinced we have FORGOTTEN him, and THIS will be the day his bowl never makes it to the floor. Oh my lord, the theatrics!”
“Yet somehow he still comes across as less dramatic than OP’s husband.” ~ SincerelyCynical
“You know how men generally die a short while after their wives die? I’m convinced this phenomenon happens because men would rather die than learn how to do sh*t on their own.” ~ Aimee162
“A friend and coworker, Vince, told me his wife was going to lunch with her friends. They were in the car and ready to go when the husband of one of them, who lives next door, came running out and said he needed his wife to make him lunch. So she got out of the car and went in to make his damn lunch.”
“Vince said he gave the husband major sh*t about it. Told him to make a damn sandwich. The guy was clueless.”
“So, yes, there are clueless, helpless men who cannot make a damn sandwich.” ~ Desert-Monsoons
“Oh man, you just unlocked a memory for me! When I was probably 12, I got up early with my mom and went to the mall with her.”
“Around 10am, my dad called asking who was going to make his bagel…and we had to go home so my mom could toast and cream cheese a bagel for a grown a** man.” ~ otetrapodqueen
“I got into trouble for telling my father to get up from the table and get his own salt. My mother ALSO worked, came home, and did 100% of all the household chores.
“And he couldn’t stand up after she had cooked after teaching school all day long in a Texas school with no air conditioning in heels, hose, girdle, and a dress and get his own damn salt?”
“He was FURIOUS WITH ME. Tough. I was in fifth grade and knew as much as I loved my father, I would NEVER marry a man with such outdated views.” ~ GanderWeather
“Allow me to tell you the story of how my mom had to make my dad a sandwich for lunch before they went to the hospital. My mom was having contractions at the time, and the hospital was a 30-minute drive away.”
“I was born less than 5 hours later.” ~ TupperwareParTAY
“Single guy here. I starved to death years ago.” ~ TheShadowCat
“What got me was the ‘restaurants and grocery stores within walking distance’. He literally didn’t even have to get the car out to get something to eat, besides the fact that there was food in the freezer and pantry. His reaction is just over the top.” ~ LdiJ46
“Yes! It’s not like he came home to an empty house with zero food or options. Acting like he’s helpless when stores and restaurants are right there just makes him look dramatic. NTA, OP.” ~ Noodle_Bee_Bah
“OP-NTA. He is a grown man. Why didn’t he have it stocked for YOU when you got home?” ~ Chance-Cod-2894
“NTA. Did he never go on business trips when he was single? Does he not know how to function as an independent adult?” ~ yurilovesrice
“NTA. He’s an adult who knows his wife will be out of town when he gets home. He can figure it out, just like he did when he was on the road.” ~ indicatprincess
“NTA. Sure, he can be disappointed to not have anything he wanted/that wasn’t frozen or fast food, but the moment that disappointment became anger towards you, it went out of line.” ~ Peculiar-Possum
“NTA. A grown man can travel for work but can’t find the way to a grocery store?” ~ RainierCherree
“NTA – he wasn’t left with no food, he just didn’t have the food he wanted. The options in a major city to either go get groceries, get take-out, or have either delivered are many. For this to be something he can’t let go of seems odd.” ~ RefrigeratorFun4676
“NTA, you’re his wife with a full-time job yourself, not his server, and as you said, there was food, just not to lazy dummies’ liking. Ew on his part.” ~ SmoochNo
“As a woman who works full time, shares two kids with the hubby, and thinks my hubby is an adult who should be able to care for himself—NTA. My hubby also travels internationally for work.”
“Would it have been nice to have fresh food or something super convenient? Yes. Required? No. He’s an adult and has options; utilize them.”
“Have I made sure there was something palatable for my hubby when he gets home and I’m not home/am out of town visiting family? Yes, but that’s because we have kids, and when I get home, I don’t want to have to think too hard.”
“All the things I normally cook need some sort of prep or cook/oven time of at least an hour unless I’m going the chicken nugget/microwaveable Mac & cheese cups route.”
“If you’re not home, don’t waste money on fresh food/things that’ll spoil. DoorDash or Uber Eats if it’s that big a deal.” ~ xhexed23
“NTA. There was food in the house. He is an adult and can figure out how to reheat or assemble a meal, or how to use the phone and order delivery of something. You are not his mommy, despite how he treats you based on this post.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“NTA. I frequently travel for work, and I don’t leave food in the fridge to rot. You were out of town for the weekend – why would you have stocked up? He’s a big boy- DoorDash or Uber Eats were available to him.” ~ jerseygirl414
How did he survive before marriage? And how will he survive once he ruins this marriage?