Learning that your parents are getting a divorce is very difficult news to take in.
While learning that your divorced parent is going to be remarried should be happy news, it is arguably equally difficult to process.
As a parent remarrying more or less solidifies that your parents’ marriage didn’t work, and there is no chance of a reconciliation.
Of course, how children respond to news of their parents’ engagement ultimately depends on their relationship with their soon-to-be stepparent.
Redditor Famous-Jellyfish898 didn’t have much of a problem with her divorced father’s new girlfriend.
However, when the original poster (OP)’s father told her and her sister he intended to propose to her, she was anything but onboard with the idea.
And had no trouble honestly telling her father why.
Worried about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my dad I don’t want him to marry his girlfriend?”
The OP shared the honest response she gave her father when he asked her how she would feel if he remarried:
“My parents (both 46) got divorced 6 years ago.”
“My mom remarried 3 years ago, and my dad has had a few girlfriends.”
“His current girlfriend is the only one he has ever brought around.”
“My mom has met her and likes her, and my sister idolizes her.”
“She’s nice and I don’t dislike her.”
“The actual problem: she’s 27, exactly 10 years older than me.”
“To me, it’s so weird.’
“I don’t understand why my dad wants to date someone so much younger than him.”
“When he asked my sister and I if we were okay with him asking her to marry him, my sister was excited.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the age gap and thought she was just a sugar baby.”
“Dad explained she has her own career, but said okay.”
“Since that conversation, my dad has been really sad, and the atmosphere in his house has changed.”
“His girlfriend hasn’t been by as frequently either.”
“I feel kind of bad because I want my dad to be happy.”
“Aita?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for telling her father she didn’t want him to marry his girlfriend.
Some didn’t think there were any A**holes in this particular situation, feeling the OP was asked a question which she gave an honest response to, but also believing her father had a right to be upset by her response.
“NAH.”
“I think it’s fine for you to be honest with your dad that his behavior and choices have damaged your opinion of him and made you uncomfortable.”
“If he is genuinely damaging your view of him by being a dirty old man who goes for the the 20-years-younger girls, that is info he needs to know.”
“I’m super curious what his answer would be if you asked how he’d react to you dating a 36 year old, since that’s the same age gap.”
“However, there are consequences, since everything has consequences.”
“One of which is that his girlfriend is probably going to dump him (because if she wants marriage, they are no longer compatible) and for him to be sad about that.”
“And that’s perfectly fine.”
“Hopefully he isn’t too sad for too long and picks a more age-appropriate partner next time.”
“Do be aware that this had/has the potential for a different sort of consequence: him deciding he’d rather have her than your approval.”
“Be cautious in the future, because sometimes (most times) when people are asking for your ‘blessing’ they aren’t really asking– they’ve already decided what they want to do, so you have to decide if jamming a wrench in that is worth it.”- Apart_Insect_8859
“NAH.”
“I understand that this feels weird but… make peace with it.”
“Unless you dislike her, you should not get involved.”
“She is not your mum – she will be like a big sister.”- ScaryButterscotch474
“NAH.”
“It’s fine to feel weird about it and it’s also fine for your dad to be bummed out for a bit, it’s good that you two were honest with each other.”
“Your dad obviously really trusts you and respects your opinion!”
“It’s also totally fine to be weirded out by the age gap too!”
“But it’s probably also fine, if your dad and the girlfriend are truly a good match who love and support each other, for them to pick out the person THEY want to marry.”
“Ultimately, it’s their choice because it’s their life.”
“The only bit that was on the AH side of things is accusing girlfriend of being a sugar baby/gold digger without FIRST learning what she does for a living.”
“If this chick has a career and can support herself, then that’s a rude thing to say about the person your dad wants to marry.”- ChickenCasagrande
Others had a harder time sympathizing with the OP, feeling her labeling her father’s girlfriend as a “sugar baby” was unfair and inaccurate, and she wasn’t making an effort to get to know her:
“‘My mom has met her and likes her, and my sister idolizes her. She’s nice and I don’t dislike her’.”
“People’s reaction to her as a person, including your own.”
“‘The actual problem: she’s 27, exactly 10 years older than me. To me, it’s so weird’.”
“Your reaction to one idea.”
“‘I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the age gap and thought she was just a sugar baby’.”
“Not being comfortable with the age gap is one thing, but is the ‘sugar baby’ accusation based on anything but the age gap?”
“If not, then you are not being fair to either of them with that accusation — it’s as if you can’t imagine her being with him unless she were benefiting from it financially.”
“That may not be the case at all.”
“If your mother and sister — and even you — like her as a person (the living human being as opposed to the idea), you may want to step back and really think whether you are being fair.”
“Are you allowing one fact — her age — to cloud your judgment about her as a person and about their relationship?”
“Do you really think she is just after his money and that the only thing he wants from her is her physical youth and beauty?”
“I think what is fair will come from that.”
“If you honestly think yes, then your attitude is understandable.”
“If you think no, then you are not being fair and are allowing one undesirable fact to cloud and overshadow everything else.”
“Let me put it this way — if nothing else changed but you knew her age was acceptably (according to your feelings) closer to his, would you object to her or their relationship?”
“Unless more information comes in, I will say YTA because she is a full adult at 27 and you have not said anything to indicate that she is actually a sugar baby other than the age gap itself.”
“The gap may be something that you would prefer doesn’t exist, but this doesn’t seem to really be about her as a person at all.”- kurokomainu
“YTA.’
‘For calling her a sugar baby if she’s not.”
“Frankly, her age shouldn’t be your problem.”
“She’s been an adult for nearly a decade.”- No-Stage-8738
“YTA.”
“It’s one thing to not be a fan of the ages.”
“It’s another to effectively call her a sex worker.”
“Offensive to both her and and your father.”- v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y
Then there were those who felt that the OP did nothing wrong, as she merely gave her honest response to her father’s question:
“NTA.”
“He asked your opinion and that’s it.”
“It sucks it wasn’t what he was expecting.”- Adventurous_Couple76
“He ASKED her opinion.”
“She gave it.”
“She’s been staying out of it but she is just as entitled to her opinion as anyone else and if he doesn’t want to hear it, then he shouldn’t ask.”
“She’s 17, as a mom of teens and someone who has been driving school buses full of teens for well over a decade, teens aren’t exactly Captain Stoic, he knew good and well something was wrong.”
“He should have asked earlier if he was worried about it or waited another year or two until she was legally an adult so she doesn’t have to live in it.”
“Once she moves out it’s a lot easier to ignore, but having an opinion doesn’t make her selfish… it makes her human.”
“NTA.”- Sweet_Vanilla46
The OP later returned with an update:
“This blew up bigger than I expected it to and found it’s way to my dad.”
“Now he wants to have a talk this weekend.”
It’s always difficult to for children of divorce to see their parents remarry.
Especially when their parent’s new spouse is closer to their age than their parents’.
Even so, strange as this experience might be for the OP, it doesn’t seem she’s making quite enough of an effort to get to know her father’s new girlfriend.
Perhaps after the OP and her father have their talk, she might become a little more open-minded about his relationship.
And possibly even get excited about the wedding…