How a person accessorizes and adorns their body is a very personal matter.
People don’t often take kindly to unsolicited criticism.
This can be especially problematic in relationships.
Who knew jewelry could be so divisive?
A wife found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her husband’s request, so she turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Redditor Common-Expression740 asked:
“AITAH for immediately saying ‘no’ when my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (41 M[ale]) looks significantly younger than me (43 F[emale]).”
“Yesterday, my husband said he would like to talk to me.”
“He told me he loves me, and that nothing will ever change that.”
“He said I’m an amazing mom.”
“And more sweet things.”
“Then he mentioned how earrings make a woman look older.”
“He asked if I could stop wearing earrings because they’re making me look older.”
“In less than 20 seconds of him asking, I said ‘No.'”
“I don’t think I have ever rejected a request from my husband so fast.”
“I usually think things through for a longer period.”
“My husband said he’s disappointed that I answered no so quickly.”
“I got annoyed with him and told him he has to deal with the fact that he has an old-looking wife. “
“He said he didn’t want to deal with me when I’m like this, and he walked away.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“That, coupled with him not wanting to ‘deal with you’ when you’re ‘like this,’ is wild.”
“He said something stupid and rude, you reacted way better than most would, and he decides to then act like you are the unreasonable one?”
“Def NTA but husband sure is.” ~ annaxk4
“I’m about to be 55.”
“Last year, I finally got a flat helix piercing that I’ve wanted since I was 16.”
“I also got a 3rd lobe piercing on both ears.”
“I told my 8 years younger husband that the older I get, the less ‘age appropriate’ I plan to be.”
“Luckily, he loves my craziness.”
“I find it so inspiring to see women celebrating themselves through clothes and accessories!”
“I plan to be 80 yo wearing huge, colourful doorknocker earrings!”
“I had one hidden tattoo when we met almost 20 years ago.”
“In the last 9 years, I’ve added 5 more with a 6th planned and booked.”
“He’s not a fan of tattoos, but he says it’s my body, and he loves me, so he supports whatever I want to do.”
“He did ask, very respectfully, that I not tattoo my breasts.”
“I didn’t plan to, so it was an easy agreement.”
“He actually helped design the one I’m getting next!”
“In my honest opinion, THAT is how it should be.” ~ coveredinbreakfast
“NTA. So, earrings make you look old? Ok.”
“I guess I look extra old.”
“And so does my teenage daughter because we both have multiple piercings.”
“Not a single part of that argument makes sense.”
“There has to be more to it than just earrings.” ~ EfficientSociety73
“NTA, I mean no offence to your husband, but this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in a while.”
“How can earrings make a woman look older?? 🤔”
“Maybe I am reading too much into this, but it looks like he is trying to tell you that you look older and you ‘have to do something about it’ and using earrings as an excuse to bring up the topic.”
“Disgusting in either way.” ~vortexaoth
“The earrings might be a decoy to put the idea of aging being a bad thing into your head( it’s not!), and thus putting the blame on you for looking older because you wear them.”
“It sounds more like a scapegoat for some thoughts he might or might not have.”
“Thoughts that are entirely his problem.”
“He cannot be that dumb to actually think that earrings make you look older?”
“That’s incredibly ridiculous.”
“But I think a very honest discussion needs to be had with this man as to why he thinks he gets a say in how you dress.” ~ Freethecaterpillar-3
“Wow – he really blew it.”
“Your abrupt ‘no’ is so perfect.”
“Thank you, on behalf of all the women of the world.”
“What a weird thing to get hung up on that is in no way true or quantifiable – earrings.”
“I mean, is he effing for real right now?”
“And also, being old is something he is also doing, and no matter what, if he lives long enough (or any of us, for that matter, no matter how cute we were in youth) are gonna be ‘older’ someday AND look it!”
“Tell him to find some other dumb impermanent thing to get hung up on that doesn’t have to do with you.”
“His time is coming soon anyway.”
“Even if he looks good now, it won’t last forever.”
“There is no escape!”
“Don’t fear the reaper, bruh!”
“Sorry, babe, but thanks for answering him that way.”
“It’s so gratifying!” ~ Beastie4Lif3
“NTA, I am 5 years older than my husband.”
“He has never asked me to stop wearing anything because it makes me look older.”
“I am older!”
“I am 58 and dress more like Adam Sandler than some sexy woman.”
“I want comfort.”
“Your husband is a weirdo.” ~ MoparMedusa
“NTA. My 65-year-old father, whom I consulted on this, says your husband is an idiot unless you have some strange earrings.”
“If he doesn’t like your earrings, he should buy some for you that he does like and give them to you.”
“That is his advice.”
“He and my mom were happily together and in love for almost 45 years when she unexpectedly passed a few years ago.”
“He has not taken off his wedding ring.” ~ notrobert7
“NTA – When you’re like this?”
“So, when you don’t agree to coddle whatever ego problem or insecurity he’s trying to foist off on you?”
“How kind of you, he’ll continue to love you, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom to *checks notes* look older.”
“There’s a lot to talk about there, but none of it is related to earrings.” ~ IDMike2008
“NTA, and you know why you’re not the AH.”
“But this is giving big midlife crisis vibes.”
“Or vibes like someone is complimenting his young looks or commenting on his wife’s older appearance.”
“So watch for the typical behaviors.” ~ LiluLay
“I am 13 years older than my husband.”
“My hair is salt and pepper, leaning mostly towards salt these days.”
“A couple of months ago, a taxi driver mistook me for my husband’s mother.”
“My husband, when he told me about the driver’s remark, said that he had thought about French kissing me in front of the driver.”
“He wasn’t the least bit ashamed of the fact that I looked older than him.”
“I am!”
“I currently have purple hair, by the way.”
“F**k that cab driver.” ~ Sea-Dish4364
“I’d ask, WTF is it wrong with a woman looking older?”
“Like, we get older.”
“I am 64.”
“There’s nothing wrong with not looking 30 when I’m godd**n 64.”
“That’s not even getting into the idiocy of the notion that earrings age a woman.”
“This is deeper than earrings. NTA.” ~ plutosdarling
“Ahhh, nothing like some misogyny from your own husband.”
“He’s scared of aging, and somewhere along the line, he’s tied his fear of aging to having a certain-looking type of wife.”
“He’s old but still dumb and immature and vapid.”
“His next wife will be 27.”
“Save yourself the next two years of strife while he continuously breaks you down and picks at you all, while acting like you’re the problem, and just dump him now.”
“The audacity to come to your partner and tell them to stop wearing earrings because they look old.”
“Like, boy, you have me confused with someone else to come to my face and say that crazy ish.”
“OooooOooo.” ~ Beginning_Strain_787
“Earrings make women look older!?!!”
“This is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.”
‘There is no way his request has anything to do with earrings.”
“Very easy and obvious NTA.”
“But if I were you, I’d have a conversation with your husband to find out where he got this stupid idea from because something feels off.” ~ MyReditName_1
“NTA, I really had to think about this one.”
“Is there maybe a particular style of earring that makes someone look old?”
‘Couldn’t think of anything.”
“The only thing I could come up with is people who have been wearing heavy earrings for a long time, and the earlobe is stretched from the weight.”
“Admittedly, that makes people look old.”
“It’s not the earrings, though, it’s the earlobe, so it would probably look the same even without earrings in it?” ~ bluemercutio
“I just turned 45 and have three lobe piercings per ear and plan for a belly button piercing to celebrate my 50th, and my husband can suck eggs if he doesn’t like it.”
“Never heard anything so stupidly mansplained in my life.”
“Tell him he needs to stop wearing Nikes as they make him look old, and see how he likes it.”
“Earrings used to signify class and wealth many years ago.”
“Your husband is a muppet and a control freak.” ~ BabyGiggles123
“NTA. I’m not even sure where the heck he was coming from… Earrings are decor, occasionally a statement. “
“They have nothing to do with whether a woman looks older or not, except maybe style.” ~ Plastic_Position4979
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is a ridiculous request.
It’s your body, do what you want to.
Your husband will have to deal.
Good Luck.