Sometimes you can’t help but feel that parents go out of their way to embarrass us.
Be it telling our friends a story we hoped no one would ever hear again or making a joke about our job, clothes, or lifestyle choices that they find hilarious but we can’t find the humor in… It seems they always find a way to turn our faces red and make us want to hide our heads in our turtlenecks.
Perhaps the universal irony of this situation is that our parents tend to get even angrier when we embarrass them, intentionally or accidentally.
Redditor mymomnamedme did not love one particular personal story that his mother seemed to love to tell above all others.
Something she continued to tell, despite the original poster (OP)’s constant requests for her to stop.
After she continued to ignore his pleas, the OP was eventually led to call her out on… in public.
After being told he may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mother to stop telling people the story behind my name?”
The OP explained how his mother telling a story he found embarrassing found a way to embarrass her as well:
“I (15 M[ale]) and my mother (39 F[emale]) have similar names due to my mother naming me after her.”
“I don’t dislike my name at all.”
“But the story behind it and how my mother constantly wants to tell it to the world is the problem.”
“For backstory, I am her second child and for her first child, my older brother (20 M[ale]) she wanted to know his gender, and she found out and named him.”
“For me however, she decided to keep it a surprise.”
“However, she, for some reason, was confident that I would be female and was dead set on naming me after her.”
“Her name is Alexandra, so she would have named me Alexandra as well (fake names).”
“When I came out male, she simply named me Alexander (fake name).”
“However she would constantly tell everyone she befriended, if we were together, the story on how I was named.”
“It embarrasses me to no end, and I’ve told her over and over to please not tell that to every new friend she or I make.”
“She even told all of my friend’s parents the story despite me asking her not to tell them (she wants to meet my friend’s parents for the first time if I want to sleep over for whatever reason).”
“This all boiled down to Thursday when my mother and I went to the grocery store and as we were leaving a duo of Charity workers came up to us to ask us if we were willing to donate to their cause.”
“My mother being the social butterfly she, sparked up a conversation with them.”
“As the two introduced themselves to us, my mother followed suit and, of course, told them the story I dreaded she would.”
“‘My name is Alexandra and this is my son Alexander, he was supposed to be a girl and take my name’.”
“‘But he came out a boy, so I named him after me’.”
“I got a bit angry and told her:”
“‘I really wish you wouldn’t tell every stranger you meet on the street that; it makes me feel embarrassed and mad.'”
“It got silent, and my mother’s face twisted, and I just told the Charity workers that she’ll donate next time and started walking to the car.”
“The car ride home was silent, and when we got home, she told me that I really embarrassed her back at the store and that I should have told her something after we got in the car that I didn’t like her telling that story.”
“I’ve said to her that I’ve told her repeatedly that I don’t like her telling everyone with a pulse that she befriends that story and that I got fed up with her blatantly ignoring me and my request to stop.”
“She just told me to go to my room and not come out.”
“She, of course, told everyone in my family what I did, and my stepdad and grandparents said I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that and to apologize to her.”
“My brother and best friend told me I was right to call her out since I’ve told her many times to stop embarrassing me with that story and that she needed to learn what I felt.”
“I do feel bad and want to apologize and talk to her, but at the same time I still feel like I’m right and that she needed to feel what I feel.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP and agreed he was not the a**hole for calling out his mother in public.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mom knew that he didn’t like it when she told that story, and she should have respected his wishes, her embarrassment should give her a sense of how the OP feels every time she tells the story:
“NTA.”
“It’s not even a good story.”
“It’s not even a story, honestly.”- OkeyDokey654
“NTA.”
“You’ve spoken to her about this before, so she can’t say she’s unaware of your feelings about it.”
“I guess maybe she wants to show off the fact you’re named after her, but to do it to total strangers is a weird one.”
“If it took calling her out publicly for her stop, then it was worth it.”
“Ask her why she’s comfortable disregarding your feelings on the matter.”- PrincessCG
“NTA.”
“Everytime your mother meets someone new, she tells them you are not what she wanted and that she wanted a girl.”
“That has to hurt.”
“And your father is worried about her feelings being hurt?”
“Why is she embarrassed?”
“Because she realised she was hurting you?”
“But she had to reframe that in terms of herself.”
“I am so sorry.”- Timely_Egg_6827
“NTA.”
“When she embarrasses you and you have asked her to stop… this is the way.”
“Fight fire with fire.”
“Here is how this works:”
“Every time she tells the story she gets a sweet smile out of people.”
“This provides a gentle social dopamine kick.”
“If she listened to you, she would not get that kick.”
“She does not even think about it.”
“Telling the story is associated with a little dopamine kick.”
“Your telling her you don’t like it does not register.”
“The positive connection between story = positive feedback is a direct link in her brain.”
“Your whining takes the long route of reason.”
“Solution: You associate the story with a negative feedback.”
“Example.”
“Every time she starts telling the story, you interrupt and tell the person: ‘My mother loves to tell how I got a girl’s name. Even though I have told her I have heard it enough, she values the approval of strangers over the feelings of her own son’.”
“Make it short, snappy, and spot-on.”
“She will not like it.”
“But keep it up, and in her brain the wiring will change: From ‘telling this makes me feel liked’ to ‘telling this makes me feel embarrassed’.”
“You have every right to tell your version of the story.”
“Just take all the punishment at home.”
“And then in the next situation, you do it again.”
“You must reinforce this a couple of times.”- LightPhotographer
“NTA it’s not even a cute story.”
“At this point, by bringing it up all the time with no real prompt or opening for it , she is only doing it to embarrass you.”- Benjireddevil
“NTA.”
“And it is probably not a good thing for her own sake to keep telling strangers that either.”
“I can only speak for myself, but if someone I barely knew followed up an introduction of their child with ‘they were supposed to be another gender,.'”
“I might smile and nod, but it wouldn’t sit right with me? If there had been ultrasound involved, it could perhaps have been a different story, but otherwise, it just kind of sounds like ‘I did not get what I really wanted, and you need to know that’.”- Slight-Progress4414
“NTA.”
“Just start adding to it whenever she tells the story.”
“’Yeah she couldn’t be bothered thinking up a new name when I wasn’t a girl’.”
“Or ‘Thank god her name wasn’t Rebeca or Sarah or another female name that has no male version of it’.”
“Or.”
“’Yeah her father thought they were having a boy and chose a name and had to finalise it and I got the proper name’.”- EnticingDan
No one likes to be embarrassed in public.
Something perhaps the OP’s mother will realize, and think about how she’s affecting her son, now that she knows how she feels.
One also can’t help but wonder if anyone actually found her story amusing.