Helping out a loved one in a time of need isn’t always easy.
Some loved ones don’t always appreciate the sacrifices made to accommodate them.
Like if someone needs a place to crash and all that is available is a couch, then that is all there is.
Some homes only have so much space.
This can stir up a lot of hurt feelings.
Redditor Every-Internet-7882 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my sister have my toddler’s room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So bear with me here, cause there’s a lot of info and figuring out what’s relevant is beyond me sometimes.”
‘I (33 F[emale]) and my husband (35 M[ale]) just bought a house!”
“We worked our butts off over the past 3ish years after a surprise pregnancy.”
“We were financially ok, but you all know the housing market.”
“So, since my youngest was born, we have had to have the baby in our room because we only had a 2-bedroom and our oldest, now 12, needed his own space.”
“We made it work, but we also did everything we could to get into a 3-bedroom as fast as possible.”
“Cut to now, we have our 3-bedroom.”
“We made a huge, huge deal out of it to our youngest… to the point big brother helped design and decorate with us.”
“It was an entire family effort.”
“On to the drama, cause I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t right?”
“My little sister, Mona (27 F[emale]), just got out of a horribly abusive relationship and has been on my couch for 2 weeks.”
“That’s not a problem for us.”
“I just warned her that I 100% WOULD NOT make either of my boys give up their BRAND NEW rooms.”
“Like, for real, how much overtime and sacrifices we had to make to give them their own spaces???”
“Well, guess what happened?”
“Mona sat my husband and me down and asked if she could stay in our youngest’s room because he just runs for our room in the middle of the night anyway.”
“I told her no, that that was his room, and I reminded her of my 1 condition.”
“She argued that he’s a toddler, he doesn’t need his own space.”
“I snapped at her and told her it didn’t matter if he needed his own space, I NEED MY OWN SPACE!”
“I asked her how she would feel ALWAYS sharing her space with tiny eyes, and it is MY HOUSE.”
“This straight devolved into a yelling match where I told her if she didn’t like it, she could leave.”
“She is now not talking to me, and I feel absolutely awful for her, but I worked hard to give my youngest that space.”
“My husband thinks I took it a little too far and that I need to apologize because she’s going through a hard time.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- So she’s not talking to you, but is she still in your house?”
“Because she shouldn’t be.” ~ EileenFiona
“100% agree if she’s not even speaking to you but still chillin’ under your roof, that’s wild.”
“Like girl… basic respect first.” ~ entire95
“Seriously, the entitlement is off the charts!”
“You’re doing her a favor, and she’s demanding a room you specifically said cannot be hers?”
‘You said it best: if she doesn’t like it, she can leave.”
“She’s lucky if you don’t kick her out, which you should.” ~ Sufficient-Lie1406
“Can’t help feeling if she got comfy in a room, she would move onto pushing the next boundary and OP would be waking up to strangers in her kitchen cos sis is single again now and needs a social life.”
“I wouldn’t go any further with this arrangement, and I’d ask sis to leave.”
“She seems to be in trouble, and people don’t want it around kids.” ~ Mommagrumps
“NTA. But I do have to ask, do you have a game plan for her getting out?”
“Because if she’s already trying to undermine your condition for staying to secure a room.”
“She will never leave.”
“While it’s great that you opened your home to let her stay and get out of a bad situation.”
“But she will drain you more than your 2 kids already do.”
“Coming from someone who let their friend stay agreed on 6 months to get on their feet.”
“Turned into 4 years and I lost my privacy and mind in my own home.” ~ Soft_Remote_1511
“NTA. Set a timeline for her to be out.”
“Three months is more than long enough for her to find a place of her own.”
“Otherwise, she will become your ‘roommate.'” ~ Pretty-Year8894
“NTA. She came in knowing your one boundary and then immediately tried to bulldoze it.”
“Doesn’t matter if your kid wanders at night, that’s still his room, and you busted your ass to make it happen.”
“The couch is fine for a guest.” ~ MountainMirthMaker
“You can refuse to speak to me, but not when you’re sitting on MY couch.”
“Going through hard times is not an excuse for behaving badly to people who are helping you.”
“Please don’t yell in the house when the children are there.”
“Children think everything is their fault.”
“Congratulations on the new house!” ~ LazyAd622
“NTA. Tell your sister that you agreed to this temporary arrangement on the condition that she slept on your couch, and didn’t try to get you to give her your child’s bedroom.”
“She went back on that promise and not only asked for exactly that, but yelled at you and insulted you when you declined.”
“Now she’s made your own home a hostile environment for you and your boys.”
“This temporary arrangement is at an end.”
“She needs to move out in 30 days.”
“She needs to go to her local benefits office now to look into housing and any benefits or aid for which she is qualified.” ~ Shdfx1
“NTA. You were gracious and let her stay in your home, but most importantly, you set ground rules from the start, which she agreed to when accepting the roof and a place to sleep.”
“She should be praising you, not asking for more.” ~ IAmFlee
“NTA. I get it, she’s in a tough spot as a D[omestic] V[iolence] survivor myself.”
“I get times are hard, but she should be grateful she had/has somewhere safe to go, whether it’s a couch or even somebody’s recliner.”
“But another thing is nobody is going to coddle her for too long.”
“Your sister has full access to the house with the only ONE exception, and there’s a problem?”
“No ma’am, she can either get her own place or suck it up.” ~ Lazy-Consequence-738
“You can apologize for yelling if you like, but only for that, and I am not even sure that is necessary, because if she had graciously accepted your no, there wouldn’t have ended up being any yelling.”
“Also, I suspect that if you apologize at all, she is going to be back at you about getting the toddler’s room, and that might end up with yelling again.” ~ LdiJ46
“NTA. Having one’s own room is such a powerful thing.”
“Especially at a young age.”
“Even if the child in question isn’t physically in the space, it is their room.”
“Taking that away could give all sorts of mixed messages related to self-worth and personal autonomy.”
“Women’s shelters exist.”
“There are also transitional living programs for survivors of DV.”
“In my opinion, tell your sister to start engaging with a case worker and entering into one of these programs, where she’ll have a safe environment and a wide support net.” ~ Resident_Cause306
“NTA. If you give a mouse a cookie… your sister is trying to move in permanently.”
“You have to practice tough love and absolutely say no, or you’ll never get her out of your house.” ~ 61stStreetPier
“NTA. The youngest will eventually start sleeping on their own, in their room.”
“Whether that’s in 2 weeks, or 2 years… it doesn’t matter.”
“If your sister is in there, there will be no place to allow the youngest to acclimate to this routine and finally get settled, and it will only hinder their development in the long run.”
“Plus, it’s not her house.”
“The promise of it being temporary almost never ends up that way and almost always ends up way longer than agreed.” ~ JOBBYNUTS
“NTA. The couch keeps her with a roof over her head.”
“It ensures she’s always working toward getting on her feet.”
“It ensures she is a guest, not a long-term resident.”
“If she doesn’t like it, she can stay elsewhere.” ~ YoshiandAims
“Lol. Some people are so entitled.”
“No. NTA.”
“You said precisely what I would have said.”
“She is a guest and you’re doing her a favor by having her there.”
“She doesn’t get to dictate where she sleeps.”
“If she gets the toddler’s room, then where does the toddler go for half the night they’re not in your room?”
“With the 12-year-old?”
“Why would you piss off your 12-year-old to appease your sister?”
“Is she proposing she shares a room with the toddler?”
“Also, if you give her a room of her own, she is never going to leave.”
“Also, why is it that people always seem to get out of sh*tty relationships right when family members buy a new house…” ~ use_your_smarts
“NTA, as often happens to abuse victims, she’s about to slide into becoming an abuser herself by using her victim status against you all.”
“OK, so she got out.”
“That’s great.”
“That doesn’t mean she gets whatever she wants and becomes the princess locked away in a castle, kept from all harm, getting what she wants to ‘help her recover.'”
“The only help she needs is from a professional and support in that journey.”
“Support doesn’t mean you upend everyone’s life for her comfort.”
“There wasn’t a nicer way to say this because she will continue to push and push.”
“She’s seeking comfort and security, but she cannot get it at the cost of someone else’s.”
“Yes, I’m speaking from experience.”
“You need to give her a set date to leave by, especially if she’s claiming your home as a residence, and encourage her to find a purpose-paying job or volunteer anywhere.”
“She can’t stay with you forever.” ~ Long-Oil-5681
Reddit is with you, OP.
It sounds like it may be time for your sister to move on to another spot.
You are offering her a safe haven, and this is how she repays you.
Yes, she is going through a lot, but so are you.
Good Luck.