Joining a house or apartment with a group of roommates who’ve already established a rhythm can be an uphill battle.
Moving in to a tight-knit situation like that can make the newcomer feel on egg shells and afraid to upset the flow.
One Redditor encountered that dynamic recently, and she posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as FredsGaff on the site, clarified the key variable in the post’s title.
“AITA for suggesting I move into an apartment on my own just so I can keep my cat?”
OP began the post with some facts for context.
“I’m [a 17-year-old female], I’m supposed to be moving in with my boyfriend, M, and a couple, D and K.”
“The other couple have a bunny, I have a cat, Fred, who I’ve been trying to get registered as an ESA but it costs money to get the certificate for it.
“Anyways, wherever I go, he’s coming.”
Then she offered some further details about Fred.
“I’ll Start off with why it’s so important to me that I can keep my cat – he was rehomed to me by his third family in less than a year…”
“…its not fair to make him go to a 4th, and my mom will not take care of him if i leave him at home.”
“He keeps me sane and he’s the reason I still have hair on my head and the reason I get up and out of the house everyday.”
But then OP heard some news.
“M told me last night that D and K said that they don’t want me bringing fred As they’re also taking a risk having the bunny…”
“…if there was both we might get evicted (if I get the cat registered hes allowed into housing with me).”
“I didn’t hear this directly from either D or K, just from M and I’ve spent all last night and this morning to keep everyone happyish.”
She came up with a solution that felt like the best way forward.
“I figured moving into my own place is the best solution because both abandoning my cat and staying at home will have very serious affects on me.”
“I told the 3 of them this about 20 minutes ago, and they all blew up at me saying that they had planned for me to be moving in and had budgeted for it and now have to rework it and I should just stop being an a**hole.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors threw their support behind OP.
For them, the reality of human-cat love was the long and short of it.
“NTA. You love your cat. You refuse to part with him. It’s good to lay out deal breakers in a simple and concise form as early in the relationship as possible.”
“If your boyfriend doesn’t support you, time for a new boyfriend.”
“Give Fred an ear scratch for all he does for you.” — Fluid-Letterhead7605
“No, animals are family. They should respect Fred just like you do. You do you, the rest will figure itself out.” — SupplyGuy43
“NTA I’ve dumped people because my cat didn’t like them.” — Chrysania83
“NTA but if you EVER decide that you can’t keep your kitty friend, you need to send him over to me.. seriously. He is super cute and so loving that you’d be insane to pick moving in with human ‘friends’ over him.”
“I can see how much you love each other, getting rid of him would be massively cruel to both of you. I can’t believe your bf doesn’t have your back on this.” — singing_stream
Others called the friends out directly. They shot holes right through their logic.
“NTA. So it’s ok for them to keep the bunny, but they get to pressure you to give up your cat? And your solution is to be mature and suggest you get your own place because you won’t be manipulated into doing what they want.”
“Yeah, no. They are the AH. Maybe get your own place anyway – they sound like they would be horrible to live with.” — ih8milife
“NTA M, D, and K all need to grow up. I read in your comments that you let them know you and the cat was a package deal from Day 1 and they just sprung this on you last night and called you an a**hole when you told them you’d find another apartment?”
“Nope, nope, nope. If I was you, I’d cut off all three of them.” — SleuthingSloth009
“NTA – you and your cat are a package deal and you must have made that clear from the beginning.”
“Them trying to spring it on you without even telling you themselves is not cool. In essence they are prioritizing their bunny over your cat as if they have some sort of seniority in the situation – while still needing your money to make their lives work.”
“If their bunny stays then your cat stays. You can simply train the cat and the bunny to coexist, there are plenty of cats that don’t go around killing bunnies their own size, we see the videos all time on the internet.” — ImFinePleaseThanks
And a few made point to criticize her unsupportive boyfriend.
“Time to find a new place to live and a new boyfriend.” — MissLillieCat
“NTA – Don’t move in with them at all no matter what agreements they pretend to make – the bottom line is they thought it was okay to gang up on you about your cat and still demand your money.”
“Your boyfriend should at the very least have had your back instead of defending the other couple so apparently someone else’s rabbit is literally more important than you are to this guy.”
“Give that some thought.” — HowardProject
“NTA – but give your boyfriend a kick up the backside (metaphorically of course) because he should be supporting you, not D & K. Surely?” — gin_n_tonic_n_dog
If the Reddit comments have any influence, it looks like Fred has plenty of happy days ahead of him hanging with OP.