School when you’re young is such a difficult time.
Everyone is trying to figure out themselves and everyone else.
So every moment and comment counts.
Even the ones that seem small and superfluous.
Case in point…
Redditor aitalunchnotes wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for saying it’s a little embarrassing that a girl’s nanny puts little notes in her lunch?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, this girl, Nicole (16), started going to my (16 f[emale]) school after winter break.”
“She’s a little weird to be honest. She doesn’t talk a lot and when she does talk, she’s so quiet that you can barely hear her.”
“She used to eat in her car but one of my friends felt bad for her and invited her to eat with us.”
“I noticed that all of her lunches had a little piece of paper and she’d read it, smile for like 2 seconds, then fold it up and put it in a pocket in her lunchbox. “
“Sometimes she’d take it out and read it a couple times during lunch.”
“I eventually asked what it is and she said she has a nanny and she writes her notes every day.”
“I asked if she thinks that’s a little embarrassing because I don’t know anyone who’s had notes in their lunches past 5th grade.”
“She got kinda defensive and said that her nanny does similar things for her siblings, who are all in preschool or elementary school so it kinda proved my point.”
“She started eating in her car again and one of my friends got mad at me because apparently she had a really bad home life before moving here and she’s never had anyone do that stuff for her.”
“I don’t know how the f**k she expected me to know, considering she usually only talks about school but it’s starting some drama in my friend group.”
“So I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. You bullied a girl over notes in her lunchbox and now she is eating by herself in a car.”
“How could you not be the AH here?”
“Jesus kids can be cruel.” ~ Fritemare
“I don’t even know how it’s a question if OP is TA.”
“She was nasty and made the poor girl feel so uncomfortable she’s back to eating in her car.”
“Awful. If OP has a heart, she would apologize to this girl, without again going into how weird she finds the notes, and offer for her to sit at their table again.” ~ JanellaDubois
“Someone publicly shamed me in Jr. High for the way I smiled.”
“It got in to my head and 30 years later I still have the instinct to cover my mouth when I smile.”
“Embarrassing people for the things that make them happy like dancing, smiling, and laughing can make people feel ashamed to feel happy at all for a long time.”
“It’s really bad karma. OP should feel ashamed.” ~ Analbox
“I got teased for my haircut, which I’ll admit was an absolute travesty and it wasn’t what I asked for at all as it was way too short – it took me 15 years to allow any hairdresser to do more than a trim on my hair.”
“It took being in lockdown at the beginning of the global thing for me to finally take the plunge and chop my hair off because I knew it would grow out before lockdown restrictions eased up and I wouldn’t be seen by anyone outside my house – that’s nearly 25 years after I was bullied for that hair cut.”
“These things stick with us.”
“OP is totally the AH here.”
“Made that poor girl self-conscious over something that bought her joy.” ~ ngatiara
“Honestly I feel sorry for the ‘weird’ girl.”
“That note is probably her only connection to an actual caring person.”
“The way she reads and saves it shows how desperate she is for attention.”
O”P – you are definitely the A**hole.”
“Can’t say it enough. YTA. YTA. YTA.”
“You took a little daily uplift for a girl who’s apparently struggling socially and probably feels daily like an outsider and made everything worse for her by ridiculing her.”
“For no reason but you think she’s weird.”
“You are a sh**ty person with awful ideas on how to treat people. YTA.” ~ GrannyGrumblez
“OP said it’s starting drama in the friend group like she’s surprised her friends are mad at her like wtf?”
“If your mean and cruel to someone of course your friends are gonna be mad at you.”
“OP then said ‘how the f**k was I supposed to know she had a bad home life’ as if that’s an excuse whether or not someone has a good home life or bad home life shouldn’t = how kind the person deserves to be treated it’s also not a green card to be cruel.”
“YTA grow a heart and be kind.” ~ Exotic-Panda9887
“I was bullied horribly in school up to 8th grade, so not 16 but still, my mom’s notes in my lunch were the only things that kept me from jumping off a cliff.”
“No wonder she eats in her car.”
“OP doesn’t know what this girl has been through.”
“Maybe she has special needs, maybe she’s been bullied, maybe there’s been a death in the family, or she’s been through a bad breakup…who knows?”
“OP quit being a mean girl.” ~ mspuscifer
“Also OP saying ‘how was I expected to know?'”
“You’re not expected to know what other people’s lives have been like.”
“What you are expected to do is recognize the fact that you never know what people have been through.”
“Remind yourself that people don’t choose the lives they’re born into.”
“And use those facts to extend kindness & decency to people whenever you can.”
“OP, YTA.” ~ butterballcentral
“The fact that the girl would pull it out and read it multiple times suggests to me that it’s not only a source of joy, but a source of comfort, too.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that girl asked her nanny to stop doing it from now on, even though it once made her feel happy and safe, because now she’s going to feel bad about it every single time.”
“Her source of joy and comfort has been tainted.”
“Potentially more than that, this might reinforce an idea in her that someone showing her love, attention, and care is a bad thing.”
“And that can have some horrendous consequences in her life down the line.”
“I so badly wish I could magically become that girls dad or uncle or something and give her a hug and the comfort that she needs.” ~ mathnstats
“Seriously. Mind your own business, OP.”
“You have no reason telling another girl anything like that anyway.”
“You could have asked, said oh okay, and went on with your life.”
“Even if she didn’t have a bad home life before going to your school, you have no reason to question someone else’s guardian or nanny writing them something that gives them a moment of bliss.”
“You’re just being cruel to someone. YTA, and a bully.” ~ sexybicycle
“Hard agree. I’m 26 and when my mom visits my apartment she will leave a note somewhere telling me to have a good day.”
“I love it.”
“To pretend that you hate ‘cringy’ things might be cool to you now, but it results in a lot of burnt bridges and loneliness in the future.”
“Take this opportunity to learn how to be a little less judgemental and cynical.”
“Oh and of course, for now, YTA. Hope you grow up OP.” ~ Galaxy-Walker16
“YTA, what a petty thing to notice or comment on. Garden variety bullying.”
“You should be ashamed of yourself for treating another person poorly.” ~ Minimum_Reference_73
“Clearly seeing someone who is cared for and loved by others triggers some jealously for OP.”
“I honestly feel bad for her knowing she not only lacks empathy but probably doesn’t have a good support system.”
“Op, YTA. You probably also need some therapy to confront why someone else’s happiness bothers you so much.” ~ 1fatsquirrel
“YTA. This girl is apparently shy and quiet, and she gets joy from these little notes and you deliberately and calculatingly stole that joy from her by making her feel like it was wrong to get joy from those notes.”
“I hope you grow up to be someone who spends more time looking for ways to reinforce other people’s little moments of happiness rather than stealing them.”
“But judging from this you’re off to a terrible start.” ~ odanu
“YTA – please go find the girl and apologize to her.”
“Tell her there is nothing wrong with the notes (maybe you’re jealous or just a jerk) and ask her to come back to eating with the group.”
“Hopefully, you’ll get to know her better and she’ll forgive you.” ~ MissyBee63
Reddit has given OP a lot to mull over.
Hopefully she’ll make peace with this young girl.
It sounds like she could use a friend.