Parents always hear the advice that they should not have a favorite child… or at least if they’re going to have one, they shouldn’t make their preferences obvious.
But most parents don’t successfully hide their feelings, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor GuardSpecific2058 felt like a burden to her parents and decided to save up money to throw her own birthday party with a custom-made birthday cake, so she could actually enjoy her birthday for once.
When her parents let her younger sister, the favorite child, eat some of that birthday cake the night before the party, the Original Poster (OP) decided none of it was worth it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for canceling my birthday party, because my parents cut my sister a slice of my custom-made birthday cake the night before my party when she cried for it?”
The OP firmly felt she came in second to her sister.
“My (16 Female) sister (11 Female) is the miracle golden child.”
“She always gets what she wants whenever she wants. My parents are always trying to please her and make her happy. They had a miscarriage before her.”
“I don’t want to be pampered, and I just don’t want to be treated like my existence is an inconvenience.”
“For example, they can buy my sister new pricy clothes and shoes on a whim because that’s what she wanted, but they complain when I need new shoes because the ones I have are visibly old. There are many other examples.”
The OP wanted a nice birthday for once.
“They always make a big effort on her birthday and do whatever that she asks for, but they can barely remember mine, and they are always conveniently too ‘broke’ to do anything for my birthday.”
“This year, I wanted to enjoy my birthday, so I babysat and even mowed lawns to make this possible.”
“My birthday was a few days ago, and the party was scheduled for the day after. I have been planning for weeks and invited all my friends. I bought the food, snacks, and drinks and picked up my custom-made cake, which I was really excited about. It was just perfect.”
“I think my parents really did not want me to have a party at all because they have been acting somewhat annoyed that I have been planning it without needing anything from them except the use of the house.”
“It’s funny because if you don’t want to do something for someone and have millions of excuses, why have a problem when I find a way to do it myself?”
Instead of not buying anything for her birthday, her parents ruined it in another way.
“The night before the party, I noticed that my cake, which was in the fridge, had a huge slice missing.”
“When I asked my dad, he shrugged and nonchalantly said that my sister was crying for it and it was just a small piece. My friends wouldn’t notice.”
“I yelled at him, asking him why he would do something like that when it wasn’t even bought with his money and that my sister could have waited for tomorrow.”
“This made him angry, and he went on a tirade about how I think I’m an adult because of my stupid party, mocking how I did everything myself and did not ask them for anything.”
The OP didn’t even want the party anymore after that.
“I ended up calling it off because I was not able to change the location last-minute as I didn’t have the means to, and I was so hurt, I didn’t want to host it at home anymore.”
“One of my friends told me that calling it off was an overreaction and that I could have just grit my teeth and gone through with doing it at home, rather than canceling just hours before.”
“I’m 16, and I’m used to my parents not wanting to get me stuff. Even when it’s not someone’s birthday, they always get my sister things. I just wanted to have a good birthday where I wouldn’t have to rely on them because they always disappoint me.”
“I only got birthday wishes and that’s pretty normal, but my sister gets birthday parties, fun days out, gifts, etc. The cake meant a lot because the previous two years, they somehow couldn’t even get me cake.”
“I just feel at a loss. I really wanted to have a good day, and I can’t even do that in peace. I was so excited that, for once, I will enjoy my birthday. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I almost cried.
“AITA for canceling?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some commended the OP for standing up for herself and the birthday she wanted.
“Your parents are a**holes. I have three kids, and they always get the same spent on them for Christmas and birthdays. They get to ask for what they want, and I get it. Sometimes, it’s just money (more since they’re now all over 20).”
“Do not let this spoil your birthday. Have your party and enjoy every minute.”
“Make sure everyone knows it’s your first-ever party, and you’re so excited because your sister always gets them. Make sure they know you saved up and paid for it all yourself. Make sure they know your parents stole a slice of cake for your sister and that YOU paid for the cake.”
“In short, shame them to h**l and back, all with a beaming smile on your face.” – freckles-101
“I’m so sorry. You deserve the hugest cake. Your parents don’t deserve any credit for the amazingly strong, determined, and mature person you’ve become. It’s all yours. Enjoy your birthday. Happy birthday!” – Tenancious_G_G
“Je**s, this sounds like a ‘Harry Potter’ origin story. Do you live underneath the stairs, too?!”
“You deserved that party and that cake. If it were me, I’d have a belated birthday and host it somewhere with someone I love and trust. And then I recommend you work hard, get a good education, and keep a good-paying job so you can cut these toxic s**ts out.”
“And don’t forget to give your sister a PERMANENT pigtail.” – s_nation
“Keep standing up for yourself, OP. You need to get this across to your parents.”
“Tell them why you were doing this so as not to be disappointed by them again. Tell them they have two children, not just one child and a ‘burden,’ and tell them to think of how they treat her compared to you and give examples.”
“If that doesn’t sober them up, you’ll be 18 soon and can move out and go low/no contact with them.” – Ghostdogg813
“Hey, kiddo. It can and does get better. My husband and I were both ignored as kids. The upside? We’re so self-reliant, it’s not funny. Favored children generally fail, fantastically.”
“I am so proud of you! You’ve shown initiative, planning, preparation, problem-solving, and achieving a monetary goal. Excellent life skills. Internet hugs!”
“In a few years, your parents are gonna throw their hands up and say, ‘We’ve done nothing to teach this kid how to deal with the world, and we’re all out of ideas. Can you help?'”
“Happy Birthday! Make it good, even if it’s not perfect. I have faith in you.” – disco_has_been
Others agreed and insisted the OP deserved better, not the “miracle child” or not.
“I’m in my 30s, and my mother still makes sure to treat us fairly. One of her brothers started a ‘tradition’ of gifting his kids a washing machine when they move out, and she thought that was a great idea, so she gave one to my younger brother when he left the nest. I had moved out years earlier and had bought my own, so she asked if I needed anything and got me a new vacuum.” – annekecaramin
“I’m nearly 40, and my parents still ask for birthday and Christmas lists. They still adhere to their present budgets, so it’s fair for my siblings and me (my oldest brother is almost 50!).” – whiskeyrebellion
“Everything my family has done for me, siblings (everything) compared to me (nothing) has really hurt, but I made my life without help, became self-sufficient, and now own a company.”
“Siblings who had everything handed to them on a plate = financial and social disasters. No long-term jobs or relationships.”
“All are older than me and still rely on our father’s money, which he gives but complains about bitterly… to me, he didn’t give a cent for college, gave promises for gifts (not kept, of course) for birthdays and Christmas…”
“I know your pain, but you are already the better person, and in a few years’ time you will definitely be in a better place. It will take time, and it will be more difficult at times than you want, but I GUARANTEE that spoiling your sister now will be what limits her life the most. They are doing her NO favors.”
“Get through this and live your best life without them. Enjoy that party. They robbed you of your slice of cake, don’t let them rob you of your special day!” – StartTalkingSense
“OP, it still gets to me sometimes seeing everything being given to my brother and his irresponsibly large family and basically living off of my parents, who are far wealthier than us both. But he has played a s**t game of life with golden cards handed to him.”
“Sometimes I get jealous of the support, but then I think to myself that my brother’s future prospects are waiting to be inherited from my parents. And there’s a cap to that inheritance since our parents are no longer working, whereas I’m still actively hustling and the ‘cap’ is flexible.”
“There are some struggles like the feeling of wanting to share successes (I suppose some parts still look for approval) but yet hesitant also to get feedback because of judgment/maybe flaunting in the face of future struggles (two retired adults supporting seven people essentially).” – Eatsallthechocs
“OP, first of all, I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and the birthday you deserve. I don’t know what your parents are thinking, but it’s clearly not in your favor.”
“Now, for damage control, for yourself.”
“Is there any way you could postpone the party to the next weekend? Explain to your friends what happened, and ask if anyone can move the venue to their house instead. Chances are one of your friend’s parents will be willing to lend you their house for the afternoon if they know the situation.”
“As for the cake, if it was too expensive or time-consuming to replace, what if you spent part of the party making a cake with your friends? You could decorate it together and make it an even more meaningful memory than the first one would have been.”
“You said you’re 16. I know two years seems like forever, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not. Once you’re out of the house, you can find a real family with people who show you the love you deserve. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.”
“Finally, happy birthday!” – Choice_Bid_7941
While some wished the OP hadn’t canceled her birthday party, they completely understood why the OP wanted and needed to distance herself from the now-tainted experience she’d paid for herself.
They hoped instead that the OP would either reschedule her party or at least learn for the next year to have her party with someone whom she loved and trusted. It would just be yet another way that she was no longer relying on her parents, whether they liked it or not.