When parents get divorced, it affects the entire family.
Indeed, sometimes their children have a much more difficult time handling this bad news than their parents do.
In particularly unfortunate cases, a child might blame one parent for the divorce.
Sometimes permanently damaging their relationship.
The parents of Redditor Over-Opposite4321 got divorced when he was just a young boy after his father discovered some unfortunate secrets his mother had been keeping from them.
As a result, the original poster (OP) found himself unable to forgive his mother.
Further complicating matters, the OP’s mother demanded he step up and take on some duties that would normally fall on his father.
A demand the OP flatly refused to do.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mom I won’t let her turn me into my half sister’s dad because she’s a cheater?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to confront his mother over what he felt was an unreasonable demand:
“My dad left my mom when I (15 M[ale]) was 10 because my mom cheated and dad found out my half sister, who was 2 months old at the time, wasn’t his.”
“He did a DNA test to check btw.”
“My parents fought a lot about dad leaving and when he was doing divorce stuff he asked to be taken off my half sister’s birth certificate and they fought in court about my dad wanting to sever ties with my half sister.”
“Mom wanted him to take care of both of us.”
“He only wanted me.”
“Dad won.”
“My parents have 50/50 custody of me.”
“My mom doesn’t know who my half sister’s dad is.”
“I heard her admit she cheated a lot and had one night stands with guys she didn’t even know the name of.”
“It broke my dad because I had another sister who was stillborn when I was like 6 and dad questions whether she was his or whether he grieves for another man’s kid.”
“I heard them argue about this stuff at the time.”
“I’d rather live with my dad.”
“I hate my mom for destroying our family.”
“I hate her for having a kid with someone else.”
“But I also hate her because she tries to get me to make up for my half sister not having a dad.”
“She’s always asking me to take more of an interest in my half sister and to not say half and to be the male role model she needs.”
“She also told me I could talk to dad about how unfair it is that he loved her for two months and then abandoned her and that he was wrong.”
“She told me he did a DNA test on me so maybe he would have left me too and didn’t I think that would be wrong after 10 years so why isn’t it wrong that he did it to my half sister.”
“Before I left for my dad’s house mom and I got into a fight and I told her I won’t let her turn me into my half sister’s dad because she’s a cheater.”
“Mom yelled at me and she sent me dozens of texts since Friday night demanding I apologize and do better and saying I’m taking marriage issues out on her and my half sister.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly had the back of the OP, whom they wholeheartedly agreed was not the a**hole for telling his mom he would not be his half-sister’s father figure.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother was way out of line, as no matter the circumstances, the OP is still a child, and she was demanding way too much of him, with some even urging the OP to try and get his father to fight once more for full custody of him:
“NTA.”
“Your mom is a piece of work though.”
“Try asking your dad to go back to court to ask for full custody with no visitation.”
‘You are old enough that the judge should listen to you and what you want.”
“Good luck OP.”- Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA.”
“But tell this all to your dad.”
“Maybe he can use it in court to get full custody for you.”
Also I don’t know the rules in your home country, but in some you are allowed to choose with which parent you want to live after turning 14.”- Trevena_Ice
“Nope NTA.”
“You are 15.”
“You are not and should not be responsible for your half sister.”
“It’s only natural for you to harbor resentment towards your mom for destroying your family.”
“There is no excuse for your mom’s abhorrent behavior.”
“If she wasn’t happy in her marriage she could have left.”
“Or gotten counseling.”
“Something.”
“Cheating is the most selfish and cowardly thing you can do in a relationship imo.”
“If she wanted her daughter to ‘have a male role model’ then she should have thought about that before she slept around.”
“You are a 15 year old kid.”
“This is so not your problem.”
“It’ll suck for your sister when she gets older too because none of this is her fault either, but your responsibility towards her is just not to be a d*ck and that’s about it.”
“You’ll be graduating before she finishes elementary school.”
“Your mom isn’t owning her sh*t like an adult and treating you as her child, she is deflecting because she can’t cope with the consequences of her actions and is trying to drag you into her mess.”
“That’s not ok.”
“You are not the AH for establishing some boundaries and making your feelings and expectations known.”
“I mean, I’m a bit of a sh*t so I’d just tell her: ‘Look Mom, I get that you have a shiny new kid now, but I was here first, and I’m not doing so great thanks to you, so if you want a babysitter you can pay me’.”
“I didn’t sign up to be a surrogate dad when you messed up your marriage.”
“In fact, I didn’t sign up for any of this, but I have no choice because I’M THE KID IN THIS PICTURE.”
“So If you think it’s ‘selfish’ of me to tell it like it is and attempt to protect a shred of my own mental health in this sh*tfest you’re putting me through that’s fine, it’s just what I learned from the female role model in my life’.”
“Take it from a kid that was parentified and was basically my parents couples therapist from the age of 10 until I got married myself and learned to put up my own boundaries in therapy, you are absolutely NTA.”
“She has no right to add her adult drama to your plate.”
“That is damaging.”
“In fact I would look into therapy for yourself sooner rather than later if you can, maybe see if someone at school or your dad can help?”
“What you went through and are dealing with is traumatic and having good coping skills and someone to vent to will help make the next couple years until you graduate and get out of the custody situation better.”
“Hang in there.”
“I’m sorry about your situation.”- -BashfulClam
“NTA.”
“Might be time to speak to the judge about how you don’t want to live with your mom anymore.”- Dominique-Gleeful
“‘I’m taking marriage issues out on her and my half sister’.”
“YOU don’t have marriage issues.”
“NTA.”- Lagoon13579
“NTA.”
“Your mother has problems.”
“None of them are your fault or your issue to deal with.”
“Better times are ahead.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“Your mom sounds unwell.”
“Like seriously mentally unwell.”
“Are you, and your half-sister, safe in the home?”
“I can’t even wrap my brain around how she thinks a man is going to support the child of a one-night stand when he is the one who was betrayed by that one-night stand.”
“Too many men won’t even support their biological kids.”
“She seems detached from reality.”
“It’s concerning that she has no idea who your half-sister’s father is.”
“Your mom has apparently been mentally unwell for a while now.”
“Healthy people don’t behave like that.”
“I hope she is a lot more cautious and discerning in her choice of sexual partners these days, and isn’t bringing strangers home.”
“Getting therapy yourself to stay sane in all of this is a great idea.”
“But, truthfully, your mom probably needs it even more.”- LK_Feral
“NTA!”
“Her ‘marriage issues’ landed you all in this situation.”
“I fully agree with the person who suggested your Dad going back to court for you.”
“Best wishes to you.”- JoanneMia
It’s not unreasonable for the OP’s mother to want her daughter to have a father figure.
However, she cannot expect her teenage son to fill that void, particularly after all the emotional damage she caused in their family.
And if one father figure to her children was this important to her, she probably should have thought about that before sleeping around.