Mom Ends Engagement After Fiancé Demands She Split Money She Saved For Her Son With His Daughter

When two people get together, decisions need to be made about shared finances. But what about the money one partner brings into the relationship?

Is there a requirement to share with their partner or their family after they become a couple?

A woman who doesn't think there's a requirement to share turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.

Amazing_Box_3511 shared:

"Future ex-fiancé is angry because I don't want to share my son's money."

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (35,female) met my fiancé 2 years ago. My son (4) gets on well with him, and my ex-husband (my son's father) also likes him."

"Now to the point: 3 years ago, I won a large sum of money in the lottery. Not millions, but enough for a nice life if I work normally and a good start for my son later."

75% went into a savings account that my son will have access to when he's 21. My fiancé always thought he had plenty of money and never let me correct him."

"I insisted on a prenuptial agreement, and for that, the finances were disclosed. Now the amount in my son's savings account is about 5 times more than anything my fiancé has."

"Completely enraged, he left the lawyer's office and ignored all calls for 2 days. For me, that was the end of the relationship, and I wrote to him saying that he could have the ring back."

"A week later, he was at the door. He loved me but was in shock and now wanted details of where the money had come from."

"He also told me that he had a 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and that it would only be fair to split the money so that his daughter could also benefit from it. He sees it as justified, as I got the money through luck and not through performance."

"I gave him back the engagement ring and kicked him out of my apartment."

"Since then, I've been getting messages from various social media profiles and cell phone numbers that I would be the AH who is ruining his daughter's future."

"I only found out about his daughter that day. I never saw any photos or anything like that in the past years."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not in the wrong.

"What? Your ex-fiancé suddenly has a 5-year-old daughter? Whom you never met, let aloneee you never knew." ~ Healthy_Glove2045

"This alone is a reason to break up." ~ Jolly-Vacation1529

"All sorts of random family come out of the weeds when people have money." ~ ICPcrisis

"NTA. You dodged a nuke. Go treat you and your son to a fun day. The level of entitlement is stunning."

"Just remember..... not your child. Not his money. .... the trash took itself out." ~ ToldU2UrFace

"Definitely. I just can't imagine what kind of mindset causes someone to get enraged and storm out upon finding out their fiancé has more money stashed away than assumed and it was going towards their child."

"I'd have been popping champagne that they showed so much fiscal responsibility and common sense." ~ corneilleius

"It's HER money. I'm actually in an extremely similar situation."

"My stepmom inherited a large sum of money from her parents. I won't state the sum, but it's enough to where it would set someone up for a nice life as long as they continued working."

"If you want a better idea of this, it's enough to where someone could pay for four years at an Ivy, with enough left over to buy a modest home."

"As my stepmom already had enough for retirement, she put it directly into trust funds for her (bio) daughter and (bio) granddaughters. She knew she'd never get her hands on a sum like that again."

"While yeah, it would be nice to have some, I fully understand why I won't get any of it. It's not my money, and I have zero right to it, as it's her family's money."

"It was left to her with the understanding that it would eventually go to her bio kid and bio grandkids. My stepmother is warm and loving to me, and has helped guide me into being a better person, which is honestly priceless."

"She's also been very generous with me as far as holiday and birthday gifts go. I would never betray her by throwing a fit and trying to demand access to something that was never meant to be mine."

"But that's exactly what OP's fiancé is trying to do here, which is why I find it particularly disgusting and appalling." ~ SquirrelGirlVA

"NTA. Wow…. I don't know why he thought admitting to hiding a daughter for TWO YEARS and then that you give her a trust fund for her would win you back OP, but damn!!!!"

"Also I want to know when he planned to reveal the daughter if he hadn't found out about the trust , I'm think he was definitely going to disclose that after the wedding when he thought he had OP locked down."

"Lastly, I'm actually seriously thinking op that the daughter is completely fictional and he actually spent the last two days setting up a way to siphon money for his daughter's trust account."

"I would bet money the second the account was set up, and she would 'pass away' or suddenly have a slew of medical bills that needed to be paid from the trust."

"This dude is shifty AF." ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340

"Neither keeping his daughter a secret nor making one up to get half your money is a desirable action in a fiancé. I'm glad he's now your ex." ~ Stock-Cell1556

"Forget the money. That's nothing compared to the huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩that a man OP dated for 2 years, became engaged to, and is planning a wedding with conveniently forgot to mention a daughter." ~ Beautiful_Bag6707

"Real question is: does he actually have a daughter? Because it sounds real fishy that he brought up a child after OP disclosed how much money her son's savings account has. Either way, NTA." ~ Merely_Dreaming

"Imagine being engaged to someone before finding out that they have a child? Either one is grounds for a breakup. This dude sounds like a real winner. Offering the ring back is a serious power move—says 'I don't need you'." ~ Wonderful-Bass6651

"People do really crazy sh*t for money. Especially lottery money because, like he stated, it isn't 'earned' (and in their smooth brain, that apparently means it should somehow be community cash). Girl, never look back." ~ ManageConsequences

"Isn't that info public? The lotto stuff? Could he have been playing some long con all this time and blew it at the last second (or was trying to emotionally manipulate her with stonewalling, emotional blackmailing, the 'I have a kid, too!' story) when he realized that the money wouldn't be as accessible as he'd imagined? Maybe I've watched too much crime drama." ~ UnicornBoned

"Money aside… he didn't mention he had a daughter until after you were engaged? (If she even exists). He sounds like a scammer."

"He assures you he has 'plenty of money', is charming so you, your son, and your ex like him, has no problem with the prenup because he expected you to cave and share your money, and has reacted very badly at being denied."

"You have dodged a huge bullet by breaking up with him. Your life with him would be constantly dealing with him trying to get your money." ~ Realistic-Animator-3

"I think he missed his calling as a tellanovella screen writer—'but WAIT! I have a child TOO! Which means we should split your son's money. It's only fair...' And actually think that sounds believable. NTA." ~ Special_Lychee_6847

"Another red flag—finances are one of those major things that you ALWAYS need to have a good, long conversation about when things get serious. If he was brushing off that conversation, there was something shady going on with his own finances—like he doesn't nearly have the funds he presents himself as having."

"I don't care if the man is going to be supporting me. We need to know where we both are with finances and debt."

"He needs to know if he's going to be assuming responsibility for your car note, your house note, your credit card debt, your student loans........ or if you have some massive pile of funds he won't be able to touch........ or if he really won't need to be the man because your family is fabulously wealthy." ~ Upset-Stomach519

The OP later added:

"Yes, for me this relationship is over. I'm just shocked at the games he's playing now."

"I still haven't found out whether he really has a daughter or whether he made it up so he could disappear with half the money."

Reddit was clear the OP owed her ex-fiancé nothing. But it sounds like the OP has already taken the steps overwhelmingly suggested by Redditors—ending this relationship.