We all have hobbies and something that brings us joy, and some of us even have an expensive hobby that's difficult to sustain without the proper funding for supplies.
But if we want to keep that hobby going, we have to think about what we're willing to sacrifice for it, and there are some obviously wrong answers, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, like... pawning your partner's family heirlooms.
Redditor Born_Candidate2749 was shocked and disgusted when she realized that her husband had pawned her beloved grandmother's locket that she left for her so he could buy parts for his drone.
But when she found this out, all the Original Poster (OP) demanded that her husband do was sleep on the couch.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for making my husband sleep on the couch after he pawned my grandmother's necklace for drone parts?"
The OP's husband had recently developed an expensive hobby.
"My husband, Mark (34 Male), and I (32 Female) have been together for nine years, married for six."
"Lately, he's gotten really into FPV drone racing. It's a cool hobby, I guess, but the expenses have started to climb pretty quickly."
"When my grandmother passed away years ago, she left me a gold locket."
"It isn't incredibly valuable monetarily, but it means the world to me. It's one of the few things I have to remember her by, and I have told Mark how special it is. I always kept it in a particular box in our dresser."
The OP was shocked when she realized why she couldn't find the locket.
"A few days ago, I wanted to look at the locket, but the box was gone. I searched our room and then the whole house."
"When I asked Mark if he'd seen it, he was a bit evasive before finally admitting he sold it."
"He said he used the money for some new drone frame because he needed a specific upgrade."
"He also said I never really wore it anyway, so he figured it was just sitting there."
"I was completely floored and very upset. I told him how irreplaceable that locket was to me and that its sentimental value far outweighed any drone part."
"He sort of brushed it off, saying I was being a bit dramatic over an old piece of jewelry."
"He did mention he would try to get it back if it was really that important to me. His casual attitude about the whole thing hurt a lot."
The OP didn't want to be anywhere near him after that.
"That night, I told him he could sleep on the couch. I said he needed to understand how much he hurt me and that he had to get the locket back."
"He told me I was being ridiculous for 'punishing' him like this and kicking him out of our bed over something he thought was minor. He also said that since our finances are generally combined, it was technically money we both had access to."
"Now, I am starting to wonder if I am the a**hole for making him sleep on the couch over this. Am I overreacting?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she didn't react harshly enough toward her husband.
"She didn't react enough. Driving him IMMEDIATELY to the pawn shop and demanding he get it back immediately, or you're filing theft charges, is showing him how serious it is."
"Making hiM sLeeP oN the coUch is f**king kids play weak bulls**t." - lookthepenguins
"He doesn't deserve the couch. Let's be real, he deserves the f**king sidewalk. He doesn't seem to give two s**ts about you. Kick this moron to the curb, NTA." - Wrong_Moose_9763
"NTA. Seriously? Have some self-respect. I bet a BUNCH of your stuff is missing, and you don't even realize it."
"Apparently, what's yours is his, and he doesn't care about yours. That's such a serious breach of respect that the couch would be his easiest moment in the coming months. Scorched earth!" - Organized_Khaoes
"NOOOOOO. Your husband STOLE from you. Your husband STOLE your GRANDMA's gold locket and SOLD it so he could fund HIS hobby."
"Why have you not filed a police report? Why are you still with him?"
"He completely disregarded your feelings and disrespected you on multiple levels. Why do you want to stay married to someone like that?" - Srvntgrrl_789
"NTA. This 'man' sold your dead grandma's necklace for a f**king drone part and had the balls to say YOU were being dramatic?? Bruh."
"Sleeping on the couch is charity at that point. He's lucky you didn't launch his a** out the f**king window." - FairyAngelXD
"NTA, but you need to be reacting even stronger."
"You can no longer afford his 'hobby' to the point where he has to pawn s**t (though your grandmother's locket is not s**t) for cash??"
"And his WHOLE punishment is sleeping on the couch? And it's 'too much'? Seriously?"
"You need to really rethink if this is how you want to live your life. Your husband doesn't love or respect you AT ALL." - shep2105
"Do not let him off the couch until you get it back. Tell all of the women in his family and yours, as well as all of your friends. He needs to be shamed."
"You are not mad enough. He knows you won't stand up for yourself, so he will continue to disrespect and manipulate you."
"Check out DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Blame, Offender). He is awful. NTA." - Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
Others suggested ways for the OP to really get back at her husband for this.
"Pawn his drone. Tell him you will retrieve it after he gets your locket back. He knew he was doing the wrong thing, because he did it behind your back."
"If he really thought it was an unimportant bit of junk, he would have told you he was thinking about selling it to get his drone bits." - Old-Mention9632
"So you married a thief? I would empty every penny from your joint account and open a new account that he has no access to. And if he had any objection, just tell him it's technically your money too, because that's how marriage works."
"Oh, and pawn the drone, his wedding band, and his gaming device. They're all yours as well, right?" - Only_Music_2640
"Why didn't he sell something of HIS? The fact that he did this so casually shows how little respect he has for you (OP) and your family."
"I've got several pricey hobbies, and it would never cross my mind to raid my wife's family heirlooms to pay for them. That's pretty f**ked up." - BookkeeperNo1888
"A drone part is more valuable to him than something that's sentimental to you. Sell his car or something he finds sentimental that he isn't 'using' and see how he reacts."
"If he gets mad, just tell him, 'You're being dramatic, and it was just sitting there, so I didn't think it was that important to you, and I really needed a new wardrobe and laptop.'" - s9_noworries
"NTA. Your husband stole your grandmother's locket and sold it to fund his hobby. File a police report and demand he tells you exactly where he pawned it off. He needs to do whatever he can to get that back for you, with no guarantee of getting to stay in your life, just because he messed up."
"Then divorce his a**." - xpoisonvalkyrie
"Technically, the pawn shop has received stolen goods. Your difficulty will be proving that you are the owner, unless you have a letter or will or other document indicating that the necklace is yours."
"The police won't need that kind of evidence if you choose to report the theft."
"Tell Sticky Paws that if you don't have it in your hands by Friday at 5:00, you will be reporting the theft."
"Personally, I'd also add that I would also be seeing a divorce lawyer, but dishonesty, selfishness, and unkindness are real triggers for me."
"NTA, but you will be one to yourself if you don't put your foot down. He's going to keep doing s**t like this if you don't go nuclear on him now." - voyageur1066A
"'He also said since our finances are generally combined, it was technically money we both had access to.'
"NTA. Legally, money is one thing. Personal possessions one brings into a marriage are in a totally different category. Inheritance is NOT community property in a marriage. That necklace belongs to you and you alone."
"I'd call the cops and try to have him arrested for theft. First, record a discussion with him where you get him to admit he sold it. Then you have proof."
"If you are feeling generous, you could tell him he has three or four days to get it back before you press charges. Also, demand a sincere apology."
"If he refuses, then press charges and talk to a lawyer about a divorce. His taking of the necklace and his total dismissal of your anger at him indicate he has likely checked out of any meaningful role in the marriage." - VariousTry4624
The subReddit could not stop side-eyeing not just the OP's husband for his priorities and what he had done to sustain his hobbies, but for how little the OP seemed to think she was worth, based on her "too harsh" of a punishment.
By only making her husband sleep on the couch, she was clearly communicating how little trouble he'd be in for serious offenses like this and that it would be totally worth it to do it again.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp