Some people spend their free time doing arts and crafts, or in my case spending hours on Netflix.
Others, choose shopping as their favorite hobby. But, they seem to be called “superficial” or “materialistic.”
A Redditor encountered this very issue with her friends. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for giving expensive graduation gifts to everyone in my friend group except for one friend because she always judges me for being ‘materialistic’ and says ‘it’s selfish to shop when the economy is this bad’?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I feel so so confused about this. Please note that this is not really a problem nor is it serious but I still care about this friendship and I need to know whether I was right to do what I did or not.”
“My friend group is made up of 4 girls, we are all 18 F and graduated from high school. I love them all dearly but one of the girls, Jane (fake name) is not really a close friend.”
“Even though it’s a useless ‘hobby’ and pretty superficial, I love shopping. I love the process of getting new dresses and jewelry but I’m not addicted to it, it’s just a collection. I love fashion.”
OP’s friend is not a fan.
“Jane has a huge problem with this.”
“She constantly keeps telling me that minimalism is the way to go and that being materialistic meant I didn’t care about the Earth.”
“She hates shopping and getting new outfits. I would have been okay with her opinion if she kept it for herself but she keeps pushing me towards it too.”
“Two weeks ago she was sending our entire group messages about how buying expensive clothing was unethical when the whole country’s economy was bad.”
“Another friend told her that it was because of major companies and not really because of normal people buying pretty things and that seemed to shut her up, or so I thought.”
“She then proceeded to privately text me about my spending habits and I felt so horrible afterwards because she was going on about ‘world hunger.'”
OP and her friends graduated, so she bought a gift for everyone.
“So when I decided on a graduation gift to give my girls, I decided to exclude Jane from it.”
“I did get her something but it was not the same. I got my other friends a dress and a love bracelet while Jane got books (from the genre she liked) and a bottle of perfume.”
“I get a call from her telling me I was trying to kick her out of our group and that I was excluding her for not always agreeing with me.”
“I tell her that I didn’t think she’d want something expensive since she believes it’s selfish to get things like that. I admit that part of the reason why I did this was because I felt a tad petty and because I thought she deserved it.”
OP’s friends thought it was the right move.
“My other friends and bf thinks I was in the right but our classmates think I went too far (they know about this because Jane made a post about it).”
“I think I maybe have been too petty or cruel and made her feel alone. But I also think she shouldn’t have made me feel bad about doing something that made me happy. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. She’s been going out of her way to harass and bully you over something that is frankly none of her damn business.”
“And you still did something nice and thoughtful for her. Jane is an awful, mean, manipulative little bully.” ~ RedoubtableSouth
“I’m trying to wrap my head around the unethical part. Does she expect OP to donate all of her money not used for necessities to other people? Not spending money because the economy is bad hurts the economy.” ~ weirdbutinagoodway
“Besides that rational makes no sense. Shopping actually stimulates not shrinks the economy hence the stimulus payments. By spending we keep people working.” ~ JuryNo7670
“Yeah, but if the OP’s description is accurate, it seems more like a matter of thinking OP shouldn’t be buying expensive things because so many other people can’t afford expensive things.” ~ rochan71
Many encouraged OP to shop locally.
“If you are worried about ethics then shop local. A cake or jewelry made by a local small business makes more of a positive impact and shopping locally reduces the carbon footprint then buying from big box stores.” ~ Vailoftears
“Talking about clothing, not everyone is of a body shape to buy from small businesses. Small business very rarely have a large selection to pick from when it comes to fashion.”
“I have to buy from bigger name store because I can’t find clothes that fit in a lot of other stores. And thrifting is not a great way to find outfits I feel comfortable in (I thrifted all my clothes for years when I didn’t have money and it lead to me wearing clothes that didn’t fit and I wasn’t comfortable in).”
“For things that aren’t clothing, I find supporting smaller businesses to be great.”
“My sister and her husband get their jewelry from a small store in our city. It’s the only location. When I have bought jewelry in the past, my favorite store was this small store that had two locations.”
“I haven’t had reason to buy a cake recently but my sister got her wedding cake from a friend. But sometimes big box is the only way to buy things.” ~ AluminumCansAndYarn
OP added some updates.
“Update: Thank you to everyone who helped me with this.”
“I feel so relieved and I have learned so much from all of you. My friends have supported me all through this situation and we have decided to cut Jane off.”
“She was constantly making posts about this and refusing to have a civil conversation offline (which some people suggested I do, unfortunately I couldn’t).”
“So yeah, no more Jane related drama and I am so thankful for that. I won’t be able to read your comments anymore, I’m going to go offline and spend some much needed time with my girls. I appreciate all of your thoughts though <3”
Supporting local businesses is always a good idea.