Childcare, especially affordable childcare, can be difficult to find. Family can sometimes help, but should they be forced to do it?
If a family member is a minor child, should they be forced to care for someone else’s child for free?
A teen turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after being voluntold he’d be the designated free babysitter.
Designer_Bus8694 asked:
“AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister when even my parents are pushing me to say yes?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My older sister (20, female) had a baby with her husband a month ago. I (16, male) haven’t actually met her son yet and maybe I won’t ever and that’d be fine by me.”
“But even still, she (and my parents) want me to babysit right after school until 11pm each night so my sister’s husband can work and my sister can do whatever it is she does for a few hours. I wanna say she’s working also, but I don’t know if she is.”
“I have a part time job I’d need to quit if I did say yes. Not to mention my sister and I are not close, she’s a mean girl with a cruel streak that I was exposed to a lot growing up and even after she moved out.”
“Our parents think she can’t do anything wrong and they’re so proud of her for getting married and having a kid by 20. They think it’s the way we should all want our lives to work out.”
“Did I mention my sister wanted me to change my name because she wanted to name her son Theo, but didn’t want to name him after me? That’s how much she dislikes me and how entitled she is.”
“She went with a different name because I refused, but she called me a waste of oxygen because she didn’t get to take Theo off me as a name.”
“I was first asked/told I needed to babysit a week ago and when I said no, she went to our parents who agreed with her that it should be me. They told me I should think of it as getting time with my nephew and how good it will be.”
“I asked her if their daughter feels the same way about it and they said of course.”
“So I asked why it was made perfectly clear I wasn’t allowed to come meet him with the rest of the family. They told me it’s because I’m in school and he was a newborn.”
“My sister told me her son will be told I’m not an uncle and I’m just the babysitter. She said she doesn’t want people to know we’re related and doesn’t really want me with her kid, but she won’t have to pay me, and our parents will make sure I don’t do anything dumb like demand money for it.”
“I told her I wouldn’t quit my job to watch her kid and she told me I will if she keeps crying to our parents, because they will march over there and say I quit and then make me go to her house every day after school.”
“My parents threated to do that, but I told them then I’d still say no and I wouldn’t have my own money to spend which would annoy them.”
“But they keep putting pressure on me and my sister is calling me a wasted life for not submitting to what she wants and she told me I’m a pathetic, useless little boy who was a mistake from conception.”
“Religion and traditional values are 100% playing into this. I’m surrounded by people who have the same views every day. I even go to a private school because public school is too secular and bad and evil, etc…”
“School could not help me. I go to a religious private school and their values and what they believe works against me because they don’t believe in saying no to parents or being difficult with family which is how they’ll see me.”
“I wouldn’t be any better off with a relative. They would be on the side of my parents and sister.”
“I can legally leave once I’m 18. I don’t know of any support thing I could access. It would all be very religious and not working out great for me.”
“I don’t have adults who would help me.”
“My friends are all my age and can’t do much because they also live with parents who’d have similar-ish values and beliefs about stuff. My boss and his family are the only people who aren’t so similar to my family and the people I grew up around.”
“But he can’t do much either since he’s just my boss and my parents could take me out of the job if they pushed hard enough.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to babysit for my sister even though my parents were also telling me/pressuring me to do it. The reason I feel a little wrong is the kid.”
“It’s not his fault, and if I cared more, maybe I’d be willing to babysit a little, but I don’t, and I know he’s not my sister and that he doesn’t deserve for me to be so against it.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. She claims you are not family and that you will not be named uncle, so you have no further obligation to babysit her spawn so she can have freedom.”
“Your parents, as well as her, are entitled and sick to believe they can FORCE you to do anything.”
“Speak to your boss and inform them of the madness you have to endure so you don’t lose your job.” ~ SuperHuckleberry125
“Don’t be guilted or bullied into babysitting. Tell your parents and sister that if you are such a waste, why would they/she want someone like that around the child?”
“I’m sorry that your family is so toxic. Stand your ground. Don’t quit your job.”
“Begin now making plans to leave when you finish high school. Save, save, save! If you plan to leave, don’t share your plans with anyone. That way your parents can’t interfere.”
“Don’t give anyone access to your bank account if you have one. If possible, ask your boss if he will put your money on a debit card.”
“Pretty soon you will be able to leave there. Find people who will lift you up, not tear you down. Family is not always those related by blood. Sometimes, families are those who are not related by blood, but who you choose and who lift you up and love you genuinely.”
“Take care of yourself. Sending BIG HUGS.” ~ bino0526
“EVERY night? For FREE? Yeah, 100% NTA for nope-ing right out of that one.”
“‘I told her I wouldn’t quit my job to watch her kid and she told me I will if she keeps crying to our parents because they will march over there and say I quit …’.”
“Stand your ground, and give your manager the heads up that you do want to carry on working there, and to ignore your parents. Tell your parents that if they force this, or dare to try to interfere with your part time work, then you will report them to child protection services AND to your school for attempting to turn you into a modern slave.”
“The unpaid childcare they are demanding sounds like the same hours as a full time job—4 pm to 11 pm, say 5 nights a week = 35 hours—this would affect your school work too, which would impact on your whole future.”
“Generally I’m not one to advocate ‘going nuclear’—this definitely merits that, though.” ~ TeenySod
“NTA. I’d use my sister’s words against her. Ask her how she would let this ‘waste of space’ look after her child unsupervised?”
“Is she certain she wants to leave her child with… You? Make her question her choice, paint yourself to be the worst possible option and she’ll backtrack so fast.” ~ Signal_Resolution_28
“NTA. Clearly you’re not a part of their family. They don’t treat you like family. They shouldn’t expect any babysitting services from you. Especially given the fact that you’re literally 16 and have a job you need to get to.” ~ DogsReadingBooks
While no one faulted the OP’s decision, there were also no easy solutions for him beyond turning 18 and escaping his family.