A teenager is struggling with coming out…as straight.
Redditor ThrowRAnotgay befriended a group of girls under false pretenses, and after perpetrating a ruse to become tight-knit with them, he asked strangers on the Relationship advice subReddit:
“How do I (19 M[ale]) tell my friends (19 F[emale] x 4) that I’m not gay”
The Original Poster (OP) described how he got himself into this pickle.
“I didn’t have many friends when I was 14, but I did used to watch a group of 4 girls at school because I thought they were all very pretty. I basically had a crush on them as a group.”
“I decided to talk to them one day and I wanted to keep hanging out with them so I told them that I was gay because I didn’t want them to think I was a weirdo who was creeping on them.”
“Flash forward 5 years and they’re still my closest friends and still completely under the impression that I’m gay. Granted, I haven’t done anything to perpetuate that thought since I was 15.”
“I’ve honestly been wanting to tell them I’m straight since around 15 when I realised we were becoming really close friends. But I was scared of their reaction, and with every year that passed I assumed their reaction would be worse.”
“Now I’ve been seeing a girl for a few months and I want to introduce her to my friends, but my friends think I’m gay. How do I tell them that I’m not gay? I’m really worried about their reaction. They’re a massive part of my life and I don’t want to lose them.
There were two camps of Redditors—one encouraged him to lie and another that told him to be honest.
“You were 14. You’re 19. It’s been 5 years. It’s easy to say ‘I’ve been thinking I might have started being into girls. I’m kinda seeing a lady…” and just leave out the details.” – NotAnotherWhatever
“At your age people change a lot. Straight go gay or bi, some of them hop back. It happens.”
“You don’t need to explain anything just say you really like this girl and you don’t think you’re gay and go from there.” – WeimSean
“I feel like you have two options: Come clean that you technically lied years ago and never corrected it and apologize for doing so (if I was your friend in this situation I would find this hilarious).”
“Just make it clear that the reason you lied wasn’t to be creepy or anything, you just weren’t sure how to tell them. Or:”
“Tell them you were previously wrong about your sexuality, you’re actually straight, and you’d like them to meet your girlfriend. This is closer to being a lie though not really, and still better than lying about being bisexual.”
“Overall just assure them you didn’t lie to date them or creep on them, you just got caught up. You could even show them this post. Good luck!” – welcometriceratops
“Going off option 2, maybe tell them you realized you are bisexual. Easier to go from ‘gay’ to ‘bi’ than jumping right into ‘i’m straight.'” – COVID_Worship_Cult
Some people took issue with other Redditors encouraging the OP to lie.
“Why would it make sense to cover his lies with more lies.” – MonkeyInDiapers
“2 is for sure a lie but to each their own.” – MonkeyInDiapers
Yet, one bisexual Redditor gave his endorsement.
“It’s cool. As a Bi dude myself I endorse this episode of minor rulebreaking. We need the numbers after all!!!”
“And if it’s morally wrong for someone to fib about something that is after all 100% their own business and no one elses (their sexuality), that is very inconvenient for me and the building of my unstoppable bisexual army, and morality is going to have to be damned.” – Mister_Crowly
“You should tell them the truth imo. Just tell them that back then you were insecure and had no friends and then somehow thought that would be a good idea.”
“Or tell them you were confused back in the day and realised that you aren’t actually gay and that you didn’t know how to clear it up.”
“Of course, you could say you are bi but do you really want to lie again? Morally that would be wrong and lying twice about it is bad. And you might get tangled up in all the lies. But it is your decision.” – teaandbiscuits1
While honesty is the best policy, it can have consequences.
“I mean, they’ll probably be creeped out because pretending to be gay to insert yourself into their friend group is a creepy thing to do.”
“Honesty is the best policy in my opinion, but it will probably damage your friendship. If you tell them you have realized you are bisexual, it will probably preserve your friendship, but you would be lying to them again. In any case, best of luck.” – SlightSecond
“Well, if they really are your closest friends, be honest with them, tell them why you made up that lie, that you found a girl, value them as friends and want to make things clear.”
“But prepare yourself if they are bummed.” – Cliffbreaker-d
When a handful of Redditors took issue with his original intention of befriending the girls, the OP defended himself.
“In my defence I was an awkward 14 year old, and what actually happened of it? We became good friends.”
“While my intention going into it may have been getting closer to girls I was crushing on, it’s not as though I pretended to be gay in order to see them nude or something.”
He also added:
“To clarify, I know what I did was wrong, and I know it was a little creepy. I also take into account though that I never undertook any devious actions to benefit from them thinking I was gay and that you can’t truly hold a 14 year old to the same standard as a 19 year old.”
Ultimately, the extent to which he is upfront with his friends is up to him.