It’s never easy to have a disagreement about parenting.
Even when it’s family, it can still lead to trouble.
How a family member is raising their children may be disappointing to some, but voicing concern, or going behind their back to rectify issues may not always be the best “other” option.
Or it could.
Case in point…
Redditor Wagon-1569 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for paying my niece $50 for the birthday cake she made for my son’s birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My 16-year-old niece Judy is into bakery, she bakes plenty of sweets and cakes.”
“Due to my brother and his wife’s financial situation, Judy got dropped from cooking academy.”
“She was heartbroken over this especially because she was in the top of her class.”
“She was determined to go back to cooking academy, so she started selling stuff she bakes online to be able to afford her classes.”
“Her parents thought cooking academy was a distraction from school and disapproved of it though, they started demanding she bakes for neighbors and friends for free.”
“My son’s 4th birthday was last week”
“I asked Judy if she could bake a cake for $50.”
“She agreed but my brother said no chance and swore up and down that she will do it for free.”
“Judy said if she keeps working for free she’ll no longer be able to afford the academy, not to mention the ingredients.”
“I said I have no issue paying but my brother said we’re family and the cake was for free.”
“This didn’t sit right with me so I went behind my brother and his wife’s back and gave Judy the $50 before they left the party.”
“Well, they found out and yelled at Judy for accepting the money.”
“Then my brother called saying I shouldn’t have paid her, but I said she deserves the money for her efforts.”
“But he went on about how unacceptable it is for family to pay for favors, and said that Judy got grounded for acting so entitled.”
“I had an argument with him and told him to stop the punishment but he said we wouldn’t be dealing with this if I didn’t go behind his back and gave Judy the money in the first place.”
“I hung up, then met up with my family to discuss this and they all agreed that I should never had sneaked my niece the money and disrespecting her parents wishes.”
“They told me that I don’t even get to speak ill of my brother because he was just trying to be generous with me and was being real family.”
“I don’t know, I feel I might be TA for this. AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. People think that just because you’re family, you don’t deserve to be paid for your time and effort and skill.”
“You did the right thing. She deserved that $50.” ~ AvelanaStitches
“Except her parents are making the kid work for free for everyone.”
“OP might be able to better help by telling the niece she’ll ‘hold’ the money for her until she’s old enough to open her own bank account.”
“Or possibly gift the academy tuition (directly paid to the academy).” ~ Alternative_Year_340
“I agree with this, but $50 and the whole tuition is a big difference money wise.”
“Not on OP to pay the whole thing, but maybe she could help set up a small business for her so she can widen her clientele. NTA.” ~ aggravated-asphalt
“NTA and at least one family member is supporting her.”
“The main issue is that the parents are not letting her collect for her cakes.”
“It’s obvious they don’t want her to pursue her dream and by not allowing her to make money, they think she’ll get discouraged.”
“Not to mention, to make cakes ‘for free’ is actually costing money for the ingredients.” ~ lisalef
“Fun fact! Baking doesn’t bring as much governmental havoc into your life.”
“There are fewer regulations around selling baked goods as there are around selling other food items.”
“I did a lot of research around this when I started to sell my cupcakes.”
“OP, definitely NTA and I’m glad that your niece has at least one encouraging adult in her life.” ~ Physical-Peace5116
“Not just for the family… They’ve got her cooking for free for the neighbors too.”
“This poor girl has a great skill and was top of her class but her parents don’t view her skill as useful in society so they’re trying to bend her to their society values.”
“That type of parenting is always troublesome.”
“They should definitely be supporting their daughter in whatever way they can.”
“This girl was also entrepreneurial enough to start selling her baking. Clearly has potential.”
“100% NTA by the way.”
“I also would have given her the $50, though I would have done it in front of her parents and made sure to say it wasn’t payment for the cake, but rather a thank you tip.”
“I can’t believe her parents (OPs brother) grounded the girl for accepting money that her aunt (OP) probably insisted she take.”
“Talk about a no win situation for her.”
“Has she looked into scholarships?” ~ _Handy_Andy
“I don’t understand if the parents are trying to discourage her from doing something she’s good at or if they’re using their daughter or both.”
“None of it is good and I feel like maybe a social worker should be involved.”
“If the kid is doing ok and school and is running a successful side business while taking additional classes to improve that side business, I don’t understand what these parents are upset about.”
“The kid sounds like a boss.” ~ XenosTrashBrigade
“Sounds like the brother wants free child labor without the costs and wants his daughter to be a slave to the family as punishment for wanting to go to culinary school.”
“OP needs to try and get her niece out of this dynamic sooner rather than later cause it seems that her dad will not let his daughter pursue her dream of baking.”
“He’s trying to kill her love of baking by making her do it for free.”
“He’s trying to burn her out so that she’ll fall in line and do what he says.”
“NTA OP. Please try to get your niece to come live with you.”
“She’s old enough she can decide where she wants to stay.”
“She deserves to be paid for her work. Family or not.” ~ NewInstruction9712
“NTA. As crappy as it all was, I was really thrown by the rest of OP’s family saying ‘brother was just trying to be generous with me.'”
“You cannot be generous with someone else’s time, effort, and supplies. Even your own kid.”
“OP, put another $50 aside for your niece (because her father definitely took the initial $50 from her) and talk to anyone other family/friends/neighbors who are on your side in this mess.”
“To start a fund for her anytime she bakes to have control of when she is 18. Never let your brother know about this.”
“From the way it sounds she probably won’t have much of a relationship with her parents when she is of age anyway(who could blame her) so she’ll need all the help she can get.” ~ TogarSucks
“I agree, NTA.”
“It’s different if she offered up her skills/help for free (which happens a lot in family), but this idea of ‘I shouldn’t have to pay because they’re family’ really needs to go.”
“It’s insulting to both the person’s skills and knowledge.”
“It’s up to her whether or not she wants to accept compensation.”
“You did the right thing, if anything it’s your brother/his wife being the a**holes here.” ~ ThatWasNotEasy10
“‘Even when they’re having their own financial problems’.”
“I think this is a huge part of why the parents are acting this way.”
“They are embarrassed to know, that others know there is an issue.”
“OP you are absolutely NTA.”
“It’s ridiculous that her parents think that, family and friends, shouldn’t pay.”
“Even more so, because she had to stop going to class due to a lack of money.”
“Just about every small business, got off the ground, because they were supported by friends and family.”
“That’s what you are supposed to do.”
“I have seen quite a few posts, on this sub, from people who are professional cooks, artists, or bakers who are worried they are TA because friends, or family want something for free.”
“They never are, nor are you, for trying to pay for it.”
“I would suggest that you put away money, everytime she makes something for you, and gift it to her when she moves out.” ~ MorgainofAvalon
“NTA. Why do people not understand that just because a family member has skill it doesn’t meant they should do stuff for free?”
“Thank you for at least trying to help your niece and trying to pay for her time. Her parents are shocking.” ~ squidgepethick
Well it looks like Reddit wants Judy to do some serious baking.
Maybe OP and Judy can start a bakery in the future.
Hopefully Judy’s parents can have a piece of cake without an issue.