There are few feelings worse than discovering the person on whom you’re crushing doesn’t feel the same about you.
Particularly when you had the sense that they were, indeed, interested in you, but misread their signals.
Sometimes resulting in humiliating behavior on the one in love.
The younger you are, the harder it can be to accept a prospective romance not going the way you hoped it would.
Redditor Whole_Butterscotch_1 had recently entered into a new relationship, which luckily for him was going quite well.
Unluckily for the original poster (OP), another girl also had her eyes set on him.
A girl the OPÂ happened to know his best friend had been crushing on for some time.
Being taken, the OP was forced to let this girl know that their feelings were not mutual.
News she did not take well at all.
Worried that he didn’t handle the situation as well as he could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for pushing off a girl my lap and making her cry?”
The OP shared how what he saw as an opportunity for his best friend to make his move on a girl, instead turned into a night full of heartbreak and humiliation.
“I (19 M[ale]) just started dating a girl I really, really like a couple months ago.”
“I was hanging out with my friend, I’ll call Joe, who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl ‘Sarah’ (18 F[emale]).”
“Anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so I suggested she sit on Joe’s lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so I put a jacket on my lap so she wasn’t directly on me.”
“I felt really uncomfortable because she’s just sitting her bony ass on me and I have a girlfriend, who she knows I have.”
“Anyway, when we stopped to get gas I made her sit on my friend’s lap instead and she started to full on cry because I didn’t want her to sit on me and I had put a jacket.”
“I felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said I was a jerk.”
“She ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and I said, ‘what are you talking about ‘us?'”
“She said that I was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us.”
“I said nope, I’m like this with all my friends, and she said I thought you were like that with Joe as a joke because he’s just your friend but me it’s because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows I have a girlfriend.”
“I said ‘nope, I’m like that with everyone’ and told her I’m happy with my girlfriend and I don’t want to date her.”
“She called me an a**hole and I haven’t seen her since.”
“Her best friend texted me and said I was being an a**hole.”
“I told my girlfriend (19 F) against my friends wishes, who are also her friends, not Sarah, but Joe is, and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell Sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices.”
“Basically, she didn’t really care, just thought Sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend.”
“So, AITA?”
“I legit didn’t really know she had a crush on me.”
“It kind of dawned on me that night.”
“I never pursued her.”
“I slept over her house once because I was too drunk to drive but I slept on the floor and didn’t let her near me, and I would mention my girlfriend a lot because I’m excited about dating her.”
“Apparently she thought I liked her because she once asked me if I would join her art club and I said sure.”
“I don’t understand girls. I really don’t.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in. this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for pushing Sarah off his lap in the car.
Everyone agreed that Sarah was overstepping, particularly that she knew very well that the OP had a boyfriend, and her reaction was overly emotional, with many commending the OP for his dedication and admiration towards his girlfriend.
“NTA.”
“You’re a loyal boyfriend.”- pottertheotter
“NTA.”
“I have no idea why she thought you liked her, seems like you were pretty clear.”- tlcb84
“NTA.”
“I think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection.”- HaircutIdiot
“NTA.”
“She showed her hand when she chose your lap over Joe’s, knowing you have a gf, and melted down when things didn’t go her way.”
“I hope Joe was taking notes because this girl isn’t ready for an adult relationship with anyone.”-aznvet
“NTA.”
“I loved the last paragraph.”- 007blur007
“NTA.”
“You didn’t want her to sit on your lap, and she did anyway, and she started getting upset when you wouldn’t let her sit on you lap anymore knowing full well that you’re dating someone.”
“I think it’s pretty clear cut.”- KaleidoscopeDistinct
“NTA.”
“She knew you had a girlfriend, and you told her to get off of your lap.”
“Those are not hint, signs, those are your words that she chose to ignore because she interpreted friendly and flirty.”- annoyedpotatolady
“No more seats in the car = take two cars.”
“Let’s be safe people!”
“Also, NTA.”- Iprofessionalstudent
“NTA.”
“As long as you have a steady girlfriend to interpret other girls’ intentions, you will do fine.”-UnsightlyFuzz
“NTA.”
“I’m from a big group of mixed gender friends, we all have a good back and forth which at times others misinterpret as flirting but as my best friend says ‘There’s a difference between flirty banter and flirting with intent’.”
“Unfortunately this girl doesn’t understand the difference.”- CautiousDegree
“NTA.”
“So I’m like a huge, giant, militant feminist.”
“And a big part of that is I think women need to be equally responsible to upholding boundaries and consent.”
“This is no different than a man sexually harassing a woman persistently then crying or having a tantrum when he doesn’t get his way.”
“Even though there are stereotypes about men always wanting it, and women being more ‘fragile’ —those are just stereotypes and not reality.”
“Men who are being coerced and sexually harassed are damaged by it as well, and have just as much right to be heard when they say ‘no’.”
“Women who cry when they don’t get their way are being manipulative and don’t need to be coddled.”- TheBaddestPatsy
“NTA.”
“She’s being ridiculous.”- DeepSeaFacial
“NTA she misread things and hurt her own feelings.”
“You made it well known that you have a girlfriend and you’re really into her.”
“This other girl should’ve known, or should’ve accepted it when you told her not to sit in your lap.”
“She probably just didn’t know how to handle it so she went full victim.”
“Not your fault dude, she’ll get over it.”
“I’m glad your girlfriend is cool and trusts you.”- Embryw
“Obviously NTA.”
“Being flirty with someone doesn’t instantly mean you want to date them ffs.”- itsjustchad
“NTA.”
“And I wouldn’t say that you don’t understand girls, because most girls aren’t that oblivious lmao.”
“She sounds like she doesn’t have a great grasp on reading people if she thought you were into her.”
“Wild.”- spaghetti_boblem
The OP later returned to share an update as to where things stand between Sarah, Joe and himself, as well as the status of his relationship.
“Sarah and Joe ended up hanging out on their own, apparently, and she ended up trashing me, saying I was an a**hole, how she liked me, etc.”
“Joe told me privately that he knew she had a crush on me but wanted to see what I would do/enjoy the show because he thought the drama was funny.”
“She ended up texting me again and saying how I was a jerk and basically the friendship imploded.”
“The last thing she said was that she wasn’t sorry and I said ‘well I can be sorry for the both of us’.”
“Joe still has a crush on her and I’m sure he’s still trying to date her.”
“But, that’s pretty much it for that.”
“My girlfriend loves all the comments calling her a keeper and has found the entire situation hilarious.”
“She really is a keeper.”
“Thanks, everyone!”
No one likes being told “no”, no matter the circumstance.
While one can certainly sympathize with Sarah and her feelings of unrequited love, she also should have known better than to pursue a man she knew was happily committed.
Hopefully, Sarah will learn her lesson, and will end up finding love with someone who is not already involved with someone else.
Maybe even Joe…