If there’s anyone who’s more excited about the arrival of a newborn baby than the parents, it’s the grandparents.
As they get to experience the joy of meeting the baby without all the inherent hardships that come with being a new parent, such as sleepless nights or setting a feeding schedule.
While most new parents welcome their parents with open arms to help with their new baby, some are a bit more apprehensive about accepting their parent’s help.
Even though he was becoming a grandparent a bit earlier than he expected, Redditor ThrowRA_Narcdil was greatly looking forward to the arrival of his first grandchild.
As the due date grew nearer, the original poster (OP) told his son and his son’s girlfriend that he was at their beck and call.
Much to his surprise, however, the girlfriend of the OP’s son made it clear that his offer to help was anything but appreciated, which did not sit well with him at all.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for expecting to meet my grandchild?”
The OP explained how he was surprised that his offer to help with the arrival of his first grandchild was not met with the response he expected.
“My (42) son (Jay – 18) is having a baby with his girlfriend (Kate – 18).”
“I will be honest in saying I don’t think they are ready for this.”
“They have been together for less than a year, but she is due in July.”
“Obviously, I know that things happen, so we are doing our best to embrace it.”
“I’m excited to meet this new little person.”
“Anyways, Kate’s family is uninvolved – they honestly weren’t great parents to begin with, but when they found out they kicked their pregnant 17-year-old to the streets.”
“My son and her were living with me until two weeks ago when they got their first apartment – I am extremely proud of them.”
“We had a room set up for the baby, but since they got their own place, I let them take all the baby items I purchased.”
“I mean a fully furnished nursery, and then of course everything from the shower – that baby isn’t going to be wanting for much.”
“Well, the baby is breech.”
“They have tried everything to get that baby to turn, but nothing!”
“So, they have an C-section scheduled for July 3rd, assuming the baby doesn’t flip\she goes into labor. I requested this day off of work and then asked my son and Kate if they would like me to pick them up or if they planned to have my son drive them.”
“My son was confused and told me that he would drive them. Why would I drive them?”
“I told him I was just offering and told him I’d be in the waiting room waiting for her to get out of surgery.”
“Then Kate jumped in and said they weren’t having any visitors at the hospital.”
“She said she needed time to heal, and they wanted to bond with the baby.”
“She said it would just be the two of them and her sister.”
“I’ll admit I was pretty taken aback.”
“I mean, I feel like as the grandparent I’m closer than the aunt – but whatever.”
“I said okay because I didn’t want to fight and said I would be waiting at their house.”
“Kate jumped back in and said the only visitor they would be having was her older sister.”
“She said she would be in pain, bleeding, and trying to breastfeed and that she wanted privacy to do that.”
“She also said that I never got my TDAP booster (which I don’t need as I had it maybe five years ago when I had to go to the ER for a cut), so I couldn’t come until the baby had its first shots or I got the shot.”
“I pointed out to her if she didn’t have a vaginal birth that, she wouldn’t be bleeding, and it would just be a surgery recovery, and she could stay in the bedroom and relax and my son could bring her the baby when it’s hungry.”
“She told me that ‘nobody was taking her newborn from her.’”
“Lots of other things were said, and I feel extremely taken advantage of.”
“I sheltered and provided for her and my son, and I didn’t have to – plus I gifted them a lot.”
“I now see a lot of other narc tendencies from her, and I feel like it’s WWIII with my poor boy caught in the middle.”
“I don’t feel like an a**hole, but she and my son are saying I am.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole for the way he treated Kate.
Everyone agreed that Kate’s concerns about her recovery and bringing the baby home was valid, and the OP should have respected her wishes, particularly owing to her young age.
“YTA.”
“1) you are factually wrong about bleeding.”
“I have had 3 C-sections and bled for 4-6 weeks afterward.”
“The bleeding is lochia, and every woman experiences it after birth regardless of how she delivered.”
“2) it’s extremely common now for parents to take the first few days to bond alone with their baby.”
“It’s not a personal thing against you specifically.”
“3) as for her older sister being there, she’s most likely there to take care of her sister, not just to see the new baby, and YES there is a big difference in that.”
“4) If she is requesting you get the shot, get the damn shot or show proof that you have had it recently enough not to need a booster.”- Passenger_Glad
“Yes, YTA.”
“First, of course, she’ll be bleeding.”
“The bleeding comes from the placenta detaching from the uterus. It’s bleedy!”
“Second, you need a TDAP booster.”
“Five years is not recent enough for a newborn.”
“Third, Kate wants to sit at home and hold her baby and her boyfriend and cry.”
“She does not want to dress, shower or sit up in bed, let alone host people.”
“The f*ck.”
“Your response to ‘I just want to bond with my baby in hospital’ was ‘I’ll be waiting at your house’?”
“The f*ck?”
“Have you forgotten what it was like when you’d just given birth?”
“Fourth, hinting until you’re given a hard ‘no’ then complaining that someone was rude?'”
“Bad look.”
“Your little dig at the end about ‘narc tendencies’ reads a lot like ‘every accusation is a confession’.”
“Also a bad look.”
“She obviously doesn’t come from a close or supportive family (Sister excepted).”
“That does damage.”
“She’s also shown that she’s ready and willing to lose family over this baby.”
“You’re in the wrong anyway – you’ve overstepped massively and by the sounds of it were pretty insulting.”
“‘Lots of other things were said’ hides less than you’d like to think it does.”
“Apologize, get your TDAP shot, and wait for an invitation to visit.”
“You f*cked up big, own it, and your relationship with your family has a chance.”
“Get defensive, or turn the ‘gift’ of furniture into an obligation, and find out how soon they’ll cut you out.”- Doctor-Liz
“YTA.”
“She is going to be recovering from surgery.”
“If she doesn’t want visitors, respect it.”
“You’ll see the baby when she’s up for visitors.”- NotCreativeAtAll16
“YTA.”
“You’re closer to the baby than the mother’s sister; how exactly?”
“How do those mental gymnastics work?”
“And talk about narcissistic tendencies. You’re literally saying you’re entitled to be in the hospital because you bought them things.”
“Also, a tdap vaccine is recommended for anyone that is going to around a newborn for an extended period of time.”- FSUfan35
“YTA.”
“You don’t get to inform someone you will be at the hospital for their medical procedure.”
“Nor do you get to inform someone you will be at their home waiting for them to arrive with their new baby.”
“You are seriously overstepping, and supporting them/giving gifts doesn’t permit you to act this way.”
“Consider this: even if you weren’t TA here (and you are), you are much more likely to have a close relationship with your grandchild if you respect his/her mother’s wishes and boundaries.”
“Don’t get in your own way.”
“Also consider how scary it would be to become a new mom at 18.”
“Teen pregnancy is already stigmatized enough. She doesn’t need you judging her when she’s in the most vulnerable state of her life.”
“And your ‘poor boy’ knocked her up and is responsible for that and for stepping up now to be a good father and partner, which means respecting the wishes of the mother of his child.”
“OP, your DIL will be bleeding, in pain, having mood swings, hormonal, walking around the apartment with sore breasts and genitals.”
“She will be mourning the family support she doesn’t have, her own childhood, which is now abruptly over, and any future plans she’s putting on hold to take care of her baby.”
“You have no idea what she’s going through.”
“If you think she’s being narcissistic because she’s only focused on her and the baby — that’s what she’s SUPPOSED to be doing.”
“She’s not supposed to be focusing on her FIL.”
“Hell, I have a great FIL, and even I would be uncomfortable with him seeing me in that state, and certainly wouldn’t let him hold my newborn out of my sight if he’d treated me even a fraction as poorly as you’ve treated DIL.”- ms_sconesycider
Upon reading the responses from the Reddit community, a contrite OP returned with an update.
“I see now that I have been the a** in several ways, so I’m going to just apologize to keep the peace and accept that I’ll have to wait.”
It is clear that the OP is going to love his grandchild very much and is ready and willing to help.
What he wasn’t aware of, however, is that sometimes, taking a step back and giving people the space they need is the help people need more than anything else.
Hopefully, now that he’s seen that his behavior was a bit misguided, the OP will check in with Kate about how he can be of help rather than make assumptions.