Watching children grow up and go out into the world alone can be a very daunting experience for parents.
And once children are old enough to begin setting personal boundaries, that can cause quite a stir.
Everyone’s intentions maybe in order, but not always welcome.
Case in point…
Redditor Patient_Word5979 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for asking my son to give me his boss’s number?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son (18) started a new job for the first time ever in his life recently at a restaurant.”
“The place is not too far but still is around 17-20 minute drive.”
“He started working a week ago.”
“I asked him to provide me with his boss’s number in case of an emergency.”
“He refused and said that it was weird and unnecessary.”
“I did not think he quite understood what I mean by an emergency so I brought it up with him this morning.”
“He suddenly flipped out and told me that he won’t give me his boss’s number and that I should quit asking and treating him like a 4 year old.”
“I have to say that I found this reaction horrific because I already explained to him why I need the number.”
“My husband told me to leave it alone and that I don’t need the number just because I’m being ‘paranoid.'”
“To me it wasn’t about paranoia but to make sure that I can check on him if and when he’s out of reach.”
“My husband said it makes me look controlling and intrusive.”
“My son came home and refused to speak to me.”
“Didn’t even eat with us and stayed in his room.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Yes. YTA, and I have to say as a supervisor it is WEIRD AS HELL to have one of my subordinates mom call and/or text me to check on him.”
“This age of helicopter parenting needs to end.”
“If there is an emergency, call your son’s phone, or send him a text that it’s an emergency and to call YOU now.”
“You have zero reason to be in contact with his boss.” ~ W_W054
“I can imagine OP Being like…”
“Hi Bossie I haven’t heard of my son within the past 1 hour and 47 minutes. I was wondering if everything is okay In there?”
“Bossie: ‘Sighs and block the number.'” ~ panundeerus
“First it was for in case of emergencies and then it was to check in on him.”
“YTA… text him like a regular person living in 2022.”
“OP he’s going to shut you out even more and more and go no contact if you don’t allow him to be his own person and trust him to come to you if and when he wants your help.” ~ tomsprigs
“Personally, I’m impressed that he managed to organize a job without letting his mother know until he had it.”
“I can TOTALLY see OP going with him to the interview and answering all the questions for him.”
“Then calling the interviewer and demanding to know why he didn’t get the job.” ~ PoisonPlushi
“I’m totally impressed with the son.”
“Gets a job on his own and stands up to his mom!”
“Awesome young man, and OP, YTA.” ~ FoxInLilac
“I had a co-worker who was desperately upset because she hadn’t heard from her daughter who was ‘away at college’ in a while.”
“Said co-worker was considering calling the police or campus security to check on her child (who was 20 years old and a college junior).”
“I assumed she meant that her daughter was in another state and she hadn’t been able to get in touch with her daughter in days and days, maybe a couple of weeks.”
“Turns out the daughter was ‘away at college’ at a school an hour and a half away and hadn’t spoken to mommy in two hours.”
‘Yes, two hours.”
“I had labs longer than that!”
“Plus when I went to college my school was a 22 hour drive from home and after letting my parents know I got there I didn’t call them for three weeks.”
‘How did we become a country where our young adults can’t go to work without parental supervision?”
“It’s ludicrous.” ~ Somebody_81
“I had a student whose mother got mad at them for not answering their phone in class.”
“Yes, she knew the kid was scheduled to be in class, and no, it wasn’t an emergency in the least.”
“She expected this kid to tell their college professors that they HAD to keep their phone on during class so mommy could reach them at any time.”
“They actually shared this in asking how to get mom off their back.” ~ human060989
“I lost my phone one time in a parking lot as a young college kid.”
“A kind stranger found it that night and called my parents to try to return the phone.”
“I lived 4 hrs away in a studio apartment and hadn’t even realized it was missing.”
“My parents did a welfare check then as all they knew is my phone was found at night in a parking lot and no one could get a hold of me nor had anyone heard from me.”
“That was logical, OP is definitely not.” ~ shyaway123456
“I used to work at waffle house and this one girl asked us to answer the phone whenever it rang in case it was her dad calling to ‘check up on her’ and we all said yes she’s doing great Sir.”
“Don’t worry she’s fine, please stop calling us so often, this phone is for to go orders.”
“She was 18 and it was her first job, and honestly, I have no idea why they hired her in the first place, my manager, at the time, was a secret softie apparently.”
“Her dad came to the interview with her and sat in the booth behind her and very obviously ‘coached’ her through the whole thing.”
“Then had the added audacity to turn around and start questioning the manager, and yet she was hired.”
“The manager took pity on her, told us to suck it up, this girl needs this job to grow up and get away from a dad like that, etc.”
“That poor girl was inept at everything she did, even things as mundane as stacking dishes to be washed.”
“But she tried. And she tried.”
“And she disguised her voice everytime she had to answer the phone just in case it was her father.”
“She was terrified of him and got punished everytime she walked out of there even a half hour past her shift.”
“I guess our manager knew something we didn’t, or didn’t think we were half as mean as we seemed, cause we took that poor girl under our wing, forgave her endless mistakes and subsequent crying fits when we corrected her, cause she literally was so helicoptered and controlled coming up.”
“It was as if we were teaching a toddler all the life skills.”
“We all had talked to her dad at that point and comforted her when she got so overwhelmed she couldn’t think, that she was OUR child then.”
“Not his. And she blossomed.”
“She was never ‘waffle house material’ (meaning she couldn’t handle high stress, conflict, 50 things at once, etc).”
“But damn she needed waffle house in her life to help her see that she needed and could gain independence.”
“You, OP, are that parent that’s making sure that your child will likely never succeed unless they get lucky or have someone take a chance on getting past their awful, overbearing parent.”
“You are ensuring that your child will get you out of their life as soon as possible.”
“You are the a**hole for stifling your child because you think they can’t handle anything without mommy/daddy dearest there holding their hand.”
“YTA! YTA!” ~ clubsiberian
“Also, if an emergency happens at work should be contacting OP her OPs husband.”
“Unless OPs son put someone else as their emergency contact. YTA.” ~ Pocker91
“YTA- seriously go back and read what you wrote. He’s 18 years old.”
“He doesn’t need you checking on him.”
“In fact, if anything, you could damage his work life by doing things like that.”
“I’m a supervisor and if somebody’s mom started calling me to check on them.”
“I can tell you he wouldn’t be an employee for long.”
“Sounds like you’re the one that needs to grow up, your son is doing just fine.” ~ Roadgoddess
“YTA. Goes from needing it ‘in case of emergency’ to ‘so I can check on him.'”
“If there’s an emergency, call the restaurant, I’m sure their number is listed.”
“Your son’s behavior suggests you have past form in this.” ~ Oldfart_karateka
“YTA. Bosses usually keep an emergency contact number so if something happened at work, they’d call that person.”
“And if something happens outside of work, you can just call the job and ask to speak to the boss.”
“You literally don’t need the boss’s phone number for any reason.” ~ smolbirb123456
“You remind me of the lady who came to an interview with her son for an internship at our office years ago.”
“Let’s just say he didn’t get the internship, especially since she insisted to be present during the interview.”
“YTA if you are pushing this.”
“If for whatever reasons you need to get a hold of him, call the main line.”
“There’s no need for you to have the boss’s number.” ~ snowprincess1206
Well OP, sounds like Reddit doesn’t agree with you.
Hopefully you understand.
Maybe you and your son and husband can sit down for a calm chat.