Family expectations are a tricky thing.
Yes, it is nice to share with loved ones.
It’s also very considerate to help pay for a few things here and there.
But once it starts to feel like one is being taken advantage of, boundaries will often be set.
And not everybody will appreciate being told no.
This is especially difficult in relationships between parents and children.
Parents don’t like to hear no from their offspring.
Case in point…
Redditor AcanthisittaAny974 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for hiding my snacks and refusing to share with my pregnant step mother until she pays me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I like certain snacks that you can only get at the Asian food market where I live.”
“They are strange flavors and spices but I think they are delicious.”
“I was at my dad’s house about two weeks ago, and his wife said my snacks smelled good and asked to try some.”
“I said sure and let her have a few.”
“Later that day, I went to get some more from the cupboard, but they were all gone she had eaten like four bags of them.”
“That’s like $20.”
“Plus, now I have to go all the way downtown to get more.”
“I asked my dad if he could please give me a ride and replace my snacks.”
“He said no and that ‘sharing is caring.'”
“Bull**it.”
“So now I only take what I’m going to eat there and leave the rest at my mom’s house.”
“My father says that his wife is craving the snacks I had before.”
“I told him where to buy them.”
“He asked me to just pick some up the next time I went.”
“I said I would as soon as he paid me for the ones she already ate.”
“He said no that we are family and we share.”
“I said fine, then give me enough money to buy some for her and some for me, and we will share.”
“He said that’s not how sharing works.”
“He says I’m being a little jerk since he feeds me at his house. I should share the snacks I buy with my own money.”
“That’s a hard no from me.”
“I just think I will stop taking any over there.”
“I’m 14.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. ‘Sharing without asking’ is STEALING.”
“Since you ‘shared without giving permission’ last time, it’s time for someone ELSE to buy the treats.”
“He refused to take you to get them, so you gave him the location.”
“He can go get them if it’s so important to him for her to have them.” ~ proud_didi
“Not long after I started at my previous job, H[uman] R[esources] sent out a campus-wide email reminding people to not ‘borrow money from coworkers without permission.'”
“I was floored.”
“I feel like ‘please don’t steal’ shouldn’t need to be said at work.”
“It sure as hell doesn’t need to be said at home, and certainly not to adults.”
“The audacity of that man!”
“Put on your big boy pants and head downtown to get your wife some snacks.” ~ KittenPurrs
“His father has a weird idea of sharing.”
“It goes one way with OP doing all the work and paying for it.”
“That’s financial abuse.”
“He’s obligated to feed you, but you owe him and stepmom nothing. NTA.” ~ babcock27
“OP, do you have to go over there?”
“Can you just stay with your mom instead?”
“If you have to take care of a grown-a** woman at the age of 14, can’t imagine what else you will have to do as the pregnancy progresses or once the baby comes along.”
“Who is the freaking parent here? Geez.” ~ Green0live123
“Also, not sure how old OP is, but I really dislike it when parents paint basic parental care (e.g. feeding their kids – you know, something they have to do) as if something that needs to be reciprocated.”
“Nah man – you want snacks, you give child money for it.” ~ NightSalut
“Going to hop on top comment to add: You probably already know this OP, but just in case, be careful about what you bring over there in general.”
“It sounds like a ‘what’s yours is mine’ type of situation, and I can only imagine what you’ll be asked of once the kid is born.”
“Really, only bring the bare minimum if you have to bring anything at all.”
“Hopefully, this is just a weird phase for your dad and step, and you get to have a healthy relationship with your future stepsib.”
“Best of luck!” ~ AnonymousAmarok1
“NTA.”
“He says I’m being a little jerk since he feeds me at his house I should share the snacks I buy with my own money.”
“Um… WTF?!”
“Also, I assume you are a minor, and he HAS to feed you when you are with him, by LAW.”
“Stepmother cannot eat your snacks without asking and not replace them.”
“If she wants them, she or your father should go buy them.”
“In my opinion, I’d not take any over there.”
“Out of sight, out of mind.”
“If dad wants to claim that feeding you = sharing expensive snacks.”
“I’d stay at Mom’s and not visit.” ~ Creepy_Addict
“So you’re not old enough to work or drive, and yet he thinks it’s your responsibility to travel all over the city and buy his wife treats?”
“Ask him how he even thinks you would pull off this magic trick without money or a car.”
“Is he seriously suggesting that your mom should go downtown and put up the money for his wife’s snacks? NTA.” ~ mouse_attack
“NTA.”
“Your dad is massively TA for everything he has said about this, and your stepmom is TA as well for taking your food without asking and then not replacing it (a.k.a. stealing).”
“And if you are 14, then your dad is even more TA for expecting you to pay to feed his wife.”
“You are still a minor, and he has a legal and moral obligation to feed you.”
“He does not get to demand that you pay him back ever, but especially when you are 14.”
“People who take advantage of others and pretend it is ok because of family are TA.” ~ salymander_1
“Oh dear – I’m a grown woman with a job, and my mum still buys me my favorite snacks when I visit.”
“Your dad and stepmom are insane if they think you have to share your snacks which you bought with your own money just because they feed you – feeding you is the bare minimum!”
“I forgot – NTA, of course.” ~ Agostointhesun
“NTA. Also, forget the snacks, just don’t go to your dad’s anymore.”
“And be sure to rat him out to ALL your relatives.”
“But be ‘sneaky’ about it.”
“Be the victim, say stuff like, ‘I mean I’d love to go to dad’s, but he kinda demanded I buy the expansive Asian snacks from downtown that cost $5 a bag (don’t mention you usually get them for yourself) to give to stepmom.'”
“‘I would love to, but I really don’t have that kind of money.'”
“AND THEN when the listening party obviously asks or tells you to get it from your dad, just be all awkward and say, ‘I tried, but he says he already feeds me, so I shouldn’t ask for money for snacks.'”
“Remember, pity wins likes.”
“So be pitiful.”
“And watch how your family ROASTS HIM alive.”
“This is how you get back at him.”
“Alternatively, your mom or grandma or uncle will ‘compensate’ the money.”
“So make sure you empathize every time that it’s because your stepmom wants all that and how she ate a how bunch because she preggy with a smile and in an understanding manner (just so they can say you’re blaming her).” ~ AtmosphereOk4567
“NTA. You sounded really reasonable with asking him for just a ride to replace them.”
“Your father is being really weird about this.” ~ miss_dykawitz
“Your dad sucks.”
“His response would be rude and uncalled for even if you were older, but you’re 14.”
“He’s required (almost certainly by law where you are and morally regardless) to feed you.”
“Plus, most 14-year-olds don’t have a lot of extra money just to buy more things.”
“He should pay you back for what your stepmom took and give you enough to buy the snacks she wants.” ~ atheologist
“This makes you NTA.”
“This would only verge into you being the AH if you were a grown-a** adult.”
“You are nowhere near that, plus it isn’t like you can drive yourself downtown either.”
“Your dad should be the one providing snacks in the house, and if he doesn’t want to, then there just won’t be snacks. That simple.”
“I see no problem with you standing your ground here, dad (and stepmom) need to grow up and parent.”
“Unless stepmom is on bedrest, she can also go downtown too.” ~ BlondieIsCasper
“ORRRR, just stop going altogether.”
“You can eat your snacks in peace at your actual house.”
“Before doing that, though, I would completely use up whatever your dad specifically likes (snacks, food, shampoo, etc.) and tell him, ‘Sharing is caring.'” – NTA
“Are you kidding me!?”
“’He feeds you at his house’ This is his argument!?!? Ridiculous.”
“Get stepmom some durian snacks.”
“See how much she enjoys the smell… NTA.” ~ Exciting-Peanut-1526
“NTA. If he wants his wife to have some, he or his wife can go get them.”
“They shouldn’t expect you to buy them for her unless they’re going to pay you for them.”
“Keep doing what you’re doing.” ~ Special_Respond7372
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
As a child, you are not obligated to feed the family.
A favor is one thing.
But that is not what this is.
This grocery list will really start to add up.
Good for you for standing up for yourself.