When a blended family starts living together, there is always going to be an adjustment.
Even if it seemed that everyone was initially getting along, living together is a very different relationship.
Particularly when children who used to have their own room suddenly find themselves sharing a room with their stepsiblings.
Redditor secret_anonymous12 knew that her living situation was going to change when her stepmother and stepsiblings moved into her father’s house with them.
However, when the original poster (OP) was informed of the new bedroom plan, she wasted no time in letting her displeasure be known, even going so far as to threaten to live full-time with her mother.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for saying I would stay at my moms if I had to share a room with babies?”
The OP explained why she was less than willing to go along with the new living arrangements her father and stepmother had in mind.
“I’m 16 F[emale].”
“My parents split up before I was born, custody is I live with my dad most of the time and my mom every other weekend (plus random staying with her if I want).”
“Recently, my dad got engaged to ‘Hanna’, and she and her kids are moving in.”
“Hanna’s kids ages are: 9, 7, 2, 2, 2.”
“She is widowed, so they live with her full time.”
“This made room arrangements a bit awkward, since there’s only 3 kids bedrooms to go around.”
“Dad and Hanna talked it over last night (without consulting anybody) and Hanna came over this morning to announce with my dad what they decided.”
“Apparently, they want 9 and 7 to each have their own rooms, and me to share with the triplets because my room is significantly bigger than the others ‘and I don’t stay there full time’.”
“I said their plan was stupid, they wanted me to share with 3 toddlers.”
“They said they didn’t want me to move but it was the biggest room so other people should share.”
“I said I didn’t care if I switched rooms, because the more logical move would have been the triplets in the big room, 7 and 9 share, and I get my own (I said I’d take the smallest one) until I move out.”
“They said it would be more work to move my things to another room, and their idea was more ‘practical’.”
“Then asked why I was so pressed since I don’t even live here full time.”
“I said not staying in the room four days a month was a sorry excuse to land me with a bunch of toddlers, and if they seriously planned on doing it to me I’d make the custody arrangement change and I’d stay with mom for the most part (I know she doesn’t mind because both of them remind me I could stay with her whenever I wanted).”
“This made Hanna cry because she just wants her family to blend together nicely and apparently I was ruining her plans.”
“This made dad mad at me and Im not allowed to talk to Hanna until she forgives me.”
“I didn’t know this meant so much to them but I’m still saying I’ll stay with mom longer if I have to share with toddlers, but my dad made me feel a bit guilty.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share her room with her toddler stepsiblings.
Everyone agreed that the new arrangement by the OP’s father and stepmother was illogical and unfair, with many particularly surprised that the OP’s father would so easily cater to his new wife’s demands.
“NTA.”
“Hannah thinks the best way for her ‘family’ to ‘blend together nicely’ is to instantly make her step-daughter the free babysitter for her 3 Toddlers??”
“Dang, like… at least the evil step-mother waited till Cinderella’s father died, not just made her a free maid instantly.”
“Also, your dad kinda sucks, who in their right mind would want to share a room with 3 toddlers?”
“Let alone someone that’s almost an adult?”
“He’s favoring his step-kids over his bio daughter to keep Hannah happy, and he’s willing to make YOU sacrifice things like your privacy.”- JustAShyAvocado
“NTA.”
“Who the hells wants to share a br with 3 toddlers?”
“Hanna and your dad are buttheads and I mean that as politely as I can due to your age.”
“Your plan works the best in every scenario except whatever Hanna is thinking.”
“Almost seems like she either A) Trying to force you to move out by doing this or B) Forcing you to be the defacto babysitter/parent of 3 two year olds because it would be more convenient and makes sense since you are already there.”
“Either case sucks and is not fair.”
“If ya dad doesn’t want you to talk to Hanna until you apologize, it sounds like a good deal to me.”
“Don’t.”- Odd_Fellow_2112
“NTA.”
“They aren’t wanting the family to blend, they want a free babysitter.”
“Go to your mom’s house.”- perfectpomelo3
“I have a better idea.”
“You keep your room and the triplets share parents room with them.”
“If they’re not willing to accept any personal inconvenience from their decision to shoehorn 8 people into a 4 bedroom house, then why should you?”
“NTA go stay with your mom, they’ve made it clear where you fall in the family order.”-BurnAfterEating420
“NTA.”
“This room arrangement is insane.”
“How will you get any quiet and privacy for studying?”
“What about privacy during your menses?”
“The two-year-olds will get into all your belongings and possibly damage them.’
“Their diapers will smell.”
“I think Hanna is being sneaky and manipulative.”
“She intends to push you out of your home by making you share your room with three toddlers.”
“Her crying and ‘hurt feelings’ are more manipulative tactics to turn your father against you, and it looks like it’s working.”
“You don’t owe Hanna or your father any apologies.”
“Also, when your father wants you to babysit Hanna’s kids, as I’m sure he will, you have the right to refuse.”
“Talk with your mother about this and see if you can stay with her permanently.”- Paevatar
“NTA.”
“They KNOW what they are doing to you.”
“They only act like they don’t.”
“You sharing with the triplets makes you care for them at night and as soon as their bed time begins.”
“It is not practical at all, where should you hang out between their and your bed time?”
‘Living room with them?”
“I would assume hanna wants you to leave and your dad either wants you to babysit or simply doesn’t actually care if you are there but they want you to the bad guy.”- CakeEatingRabbit
“NTA.”
“I would ask your dad why is it more important for Hanna daughters to get their own room than you?”
“It’s sad your dad is making hanna kids a priority over you.”
“I wish you luck!”- lilwildjess
“NTA.”
“Blending your family together is not saddling a teenager with 3 toddlers to share her room with.”
“You offered a fair compromise, moving to the smaller room but that’s too much work.”
“Who cares if Hannah cried?”
“Your dad needs to get his head out of his ass and think about how this is impacting you….his child.”
“I’m a little confused about the timeline.”
“Hannah’s triplets are 2 and she’s a widow.”
‘How long is this relationship with your dad?”
“Go live with your mom.”
“Let Hannah grow up and stop trying to make you out to be the problem.”
“Your dad needs to grow a pair and stand up for you too but looks like he’s blinded by this relationship.”
“Don’t be suckered into being the live-in babysitter for the triplets.”
“Not your responsibility.”- PravinI123
“NTA and what a clusterf*ck.”
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“OP, you’re 16 — which is more than old and mature enough to decide and voice what you want, and what’s in your best interest.”
“This whole family blending (‘I just want what’s best for everyone!!’) nonsense is not that.”
“Hanna wants what’s best for her and HER kids.”
“They will always come first.”
“And your dad is, sorry to say it, acquiescing to her because that’s what’ll make his life easier.”
“I could write 20 more paragraphs here about what you should do, but to answer the relevant question, you’re definitely NTA.”
“And I wish you well.”
“Your life, unfortunately, will be looking a lot different for the foreseeable future with respect to how it used to be with your dad.”- canada11235813
The OP later returned with an update, sharing her decision regarding her future living situation.
“Everyone talked, but dad and Hanna are staying with their decision, and I’ve decided to move to my mom’s long term, and we’re gonna switch the custody around (so I’ll only see my dad every other weekend), and I’m just gonna sleep on the couch when I’m there.”
“Obviously, nothing is set yet, but that’s what we’re gonna do,”
Planning around a house with six children of widely varying ages is a difficult undertaking, no doubt about it.
However, forcing a sixteen-year-old girl to share a room with 2-year old triplets is an idea anyone would agree was doomed to failure.
Nor does it seem fair that the OP should need to sleep on a sofa when she stays at what is, for all intents and purposes, her home.
One can only hope she’ll be happy in her new living arrangement.