Redditor Former_Sprinkles_370’s stepsister recently turned 10 years old.
The birthday girl’s dream celebration involved having a “girly day” with the Original Poster (OP) and grandmother.
However, the OP wasn’t willing or interested in calling out of work to celebrate.
The OP’s stepdad (birthday girl’s dad) did not like this decision, driving the OP to seek out feedback from subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for ruining my stepsister’s birthday?”
She went on to explain.
“My stepsister turned 10 yesterday. Her dad had arranged for her grandma (his mom) to take her for a girly day. Her dad is married to my mom.”
“Her dad told me three weeks ago that I needed to take her birthday off because she wanted me to go and I [17-year-old female] was going.”
“I told him I would not take the day off and I was not going. He told me not to argue with him and do it. I told him I would not and he could not force me to.”
“Mom asked me if I would take one day off and go for the girly day with my stepsister. She said she was feeling pretty lonely and wanted me there because she idolizes me.”
“I told mom I didn’t want to spend a whole day with her and her grandma and I had better things to do. Mom didn’t like it but she let the topic drop.”
“Nobody else mentioned it again after my mom and then yesterday came and I went to work as normal and my mom’s husband starts calling and texting me…”
“…demanding that I leave work and go with his daughter and mom. I ignored him and turned my phone off.”
“He showed up where I work and my boss kicked him out because he was causing such a big disruption.”
“I got home later than usual because I went to my grandma’s house after work.”
“But when I did get home he was waiting for me and he said his daughter got home early from her girly day because she was upset I didn’t show up and she had been expecting me.”
“I told him that I had never agreed to go and he shouldn’t have made any promises that I would. He told me he ordered me to call off work and I should have done it.”
“Then he complained that I had ruined his daughter’s birthday and crushed her soul and I should be f*cking ashamed of myself.”
“My mom, her husband, and I had an early birthday dinner Friday night to celebrate my stepsister.”
“Things are still very tense and my stepsister is upset about yesterday. I heard her crying to her dad earlier about it.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, step-dad is big time a**hole. You’re old enough that you don’t have to do things like be forced to call off work and hang out with your stepsister and her a**hole dad.”
“‘He showed up where I work, and my boss kicked him out because he was causing such a big disruption.’”
“‘He told me he ordered me to call off work, and I should have done it.’”
“What an a**hole.” – StonewallBrigade21
“I would bet a thousand bucks that the OP’s stepsister doesn’t “idolize” the OP and wasn’t crushed that she didn’t come on the girls’ day.”
“And that Mom and Stepdad are doing what the parents of so many blended families do, trying to convince themselves that the kids are far closer to each other than they really are.” – Echo-Azure
“NTA but ordered?? Does your mom allow this?? Nope, keep standing up for yourself they told her a lie.”
“Talk to her privately and let her know you already told the parents you wouldn’t be attending, but if she wants you and her can do something, just the two of you.”
“Definitely save up and move cause his response is a no.” – blackwillow-99
“NTA”
“You said no. He did not respect this.”
“His own fault he led his daughter to believe you would be there.”
“And – he ordered??”
“I guess you made it clear that he does not have that authority.”
“Your mother knew you did not take the day off – what was her reaction to all this??” – clearheaded01
“NTA it seems like they are trying to force an unwanted relationship on you. Your stepfather cannot force you to like your stepsister.”
“He cannot force you to be close with her, and why would you want to spend the day with her grandmother. . . he can get bent.”
“Your mother can go with him if she doesn’t knock it off. Seems like there’s some tension over the new family dynamic. You’re not obliged to like either of them.”
“Were you consulted when they got married or when they moved in? I’m betting not. Her birthday happiness is not your responsibility” – KashmirStar
“NTA. If this was from the stepdads pov I doubt there would be as many Y T A. You already did the dinner for her birthday. You didn’t want to do a “girls day” … you get to have a preference.”
“It’s not your fault that stepdad told her you’d go. Plus you were working. He gonna give you the money from lost wages? Doubt it.”
“And if you’re biding your time until you can leave, you need all the money you can save up.” – Safe_Initiative1340
“NTA.”
“‘Stepsister, I’m sorry that your dad didn’t tell you that I wasn’t available to go with you. I’m sorry that he let you believe that I was going to be with you.’”
“‘It wasn’t right of him to let you be so disappointed like that. I told him, from the beginning, that I wasn’t available. I’m sorry that you weren’t told.’”
“‘If your dad ever arranges something like this for you again, please ask me directly if I’m going to be available or not. I will tell you.’”
“You do not have to explain more than that.” – blueberryyogurtcup
“NTA. Your stepfather sounds like a piece of work.”
“If it meant so much to his child that you spend time with her having girly time, he could have asked you if there was a time that was convenient for you.”
“As another poster noted, he has no authority over you, and no adult with any sense would ‘order’ a teenager to miss one of their obligations, such as work, to go to a child’s girly day.”
“How can you be expected to have a special relationship with this child when stepfather and stepsister are trying to force it? It’s also strange they didn’t invite one of stepsisters friends.”
“At first, I felt sorry for stepsister because she was looking forward to the day with you…”
“…but that feeling ended when I heard she was taking advantage of her father’s temper by continuing to complain that you didn’t go.”
“However, she’s a child, and maybe having her father get things for her is all she knows.” – General_Relative2838
“Why is your mom allowing this random man to order you around?”
“He may be her husband and some things are reasonable and expected when people become a family but what he is asking for is unreasonable…”
“…and your mom is allowing him to mistreat his daughter..NTA” – 9inkski3s
“Your mom’s husband ‘ordered you’? The f*ck? Obviously you’re working, pretty independent, and close to adulthood so IDK how he thought THAT was going to work.”
“Ugh. Your MOM married this man, that doesn’t mean you love, like, or want to be around him or his child/family. Save your money, get good grades, and burn rubber when you turn 18.”
“NTA” – 74Magick
“NTA”
“Your SF ruined her birthday, not you”
“Who does he think he is? What is this?”
“How dare he makes such demands and show up at your workplace? Is he a maniac?”
“Your SF and your mother who enables the situation, are massive AHS” – FunctionAggressive75
“NTA”
“Your stepdad is the reason his daughter is upset, he was the one who promised you’d be there. He probably thought he could bully you into going.”
“Your mum seems to lack a spine too, if she’s letting her husband speak to you this way. He’s even turned up at your work place?? Unacceptable.”
“The quicker you can get away from this man, the better.” – Final_Figure_7150
“You didn’t technically ruin your stepsister’s birthday. Her dad did, by promising you would be there when he knew you wouldn’t. NTA”
“Saying you and grandma ‘had better things to do’ is a bit harsh. And maybe your stepsister isn’t too bad, when you view her seperately from her AH father.”
“But he can’t just use you for her entertainment.”
”Or you should be properly compensated for your babysitting duties. That kind of sounds harsher than it did in my mind.”
“But he really expected you to just take time off, not for the celebration, but for a fun outing you didn’t agree to.” – Special_Lychee_6847
Stepdad took it a few steps too far.