Some accidents can turn out to be blessings.
Unplanned pregnancies are a good example of a happy accident.
Of course, that type of life upheaval can come with a ton of struggles.
It can be especially difficult when the parents are young and not in a stable life space.
Those situations can lead to some hard decisions for the parents and their loved ones.
Redditor idiotfatheraita wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For refusing to let my stepson and his newly pregnant G[irl]F[riend] move in with us?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (40 F[emale]) and I (42 M[ale]) have been married for 3 years.”
“We don’t have any kids together, but she has 2 kids from a previous relationship (21 F and 19 M).”
“I have decent relationships with her kids, but due to their ages when I met their mom, I never assumed a father-type role, and they never expected me to fill that for them.”
“Their bio dad is involved in their lives, and we all get along pretty well.”
“My stepdaughter is at college, so we don’t see her very often.”
“My stepson (Joe) lives a few hours away from us with his GF and works full-time.”
“A couple of weeks ago, Joe called my wife and asked if he and his GF could come visit.”
“My wife was very excited because she hadn’t seen Joe in a while.”
“But Joe never just visits for fun.”
“It’s almost always when he needs something and knows my wife has a harder time saying ‘No’ if he asks in person.”
“So I wasn’t surprised at all when Joe and his GF excitedly told us that they just found out they were expecting and GF is 9 weeks along.”
“After the initial excitement and tears from my wife, Joe dropped the question I knew was coming.”
“They want to move in with my wife and me while they get their feet under them because their current 1-room apartment isn’t big enough for a baby.”
“My wife looked at me and must have sensed my hesitation because she said this is something we all need to discuss first to make sure it will work.”
“Joe and his GF agreed and told us to ask them anything.”
“My wife asked a few questions about whether or not this was planned and what their plans are besides moving in with us.”
“Joe and his GF started talking about how their apartment could work if absolutely needed, but it’s tiny and there’s no separate room for the baby.”
“They could also save a lot of money by living with us and get a better place sooner that way.”
“Then Joe’s GF said that it wasn’t planned, but they are both so excited to be parents.”
“She said that she had to switch birth control due to a hormonal imbalance and that Joe hates condoms, and it just kind of happened.”
“Joe then laughed and joked about how much condoms suck.”
“I had been mostly quiet up to this point.”
“But after Joe made that joke, I spoke up.”
“I told them that it sounds like both of them knew that GF was in a transition period with birth control and they knew this sort of thing could happen and yet still choose to be stupid about it.”
“I told them they are both idiots if they think I am going to be OK with them moving in with us with a baby when this situation was completely preventable by them not being dumb.”
“Joe’s GF started crying, and my wife and Joe immediately started consoling her.”
“My wife scolded me for being too harsh and that we all still have a lot to talk about.”
“My wife and I have been fighting about this ever since.”
“She thinks we need to help in any way we can and I think that since Joe and his GF were dumb enough to get themselves into this, I don’t want to end up being responsible for a baby when they inevitably do something dumb again.”
“He works in trades and actually does OK for his age.”
“Definitely above minimum wage, and his skills are easily transferable.”
“GF is a waitress, so that’s pretty transferable, too.”
“But neither have any aspirations for higher education so their future earning potential is limited for sure.”
“I don’t think either of them have the ability to think very far into the future.”
“Like I said, they’re idiots.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If they move in from their current residence – a few hours away – that means they both will have to quit their jobs and find new ones.”
“At 19 years old I’m going to assume he’s a minimum wage or a bit higher?”
“And what does GF do?”
“Even though it’s illegal as soon as she starts showing she’s going to not get job offers.”
“All that means OP and his wife will be paying for EVERYTHING!”
“WHO is going to provide daycare, formula, and food for 4 instead of two?”
“You have an increase in utilities, not to mention baby stuff takes so much room.”
“What’s the division of labor going to look like?”
“How long do they think it’ll take to get ‘on their feet?'”
“I’m with OP on this.”
“Bet Joe wouldn’t dare ask his dad if he and his GF could move in with him.” ~ disney_nerd_mom
“Their choice is their choice.”
“OP, it might be kind to do something special for your wife and have a conversation.”
“You understand you could have delivered your piece a bit more softly.”
“You’re sorry it upset them.”
“But this actually is a bad choice for all involved.”
“If these kids want to become parents, they need to be prepared to shoulder ALL BURDENS themselves.”
“Sacrifice so their child has a good life.”
“Those traits should begin with planning a child.”
“But if unplanned and winging it, it’s better they shoulder that struggle from the jump.”
“Neither of you would be doing any of you anything but stress and angst for both relationships.”
“They’re not married.”
“How would house ‘rules’ get instituted and enforced? What would the consequences be?”
“How and who would be responsible for that?”
“It’s bad ‘family-ing’ and you will all be worse off.”
“You love your wife.”
“Maybe you guys can help in other ways.”
“But living with you is a BAD BAD Proposition.”
“And you value your marriage too much to compromise it for what right now, is a whim.” ~ No_Appointment_7232
“I agree with this so much.”
“In addition, he is already talking about how they can save money living with you, so he doesn’t intend to have to pay rent, utilities, or food.”
“We all know when kids return home, they revert back to a teen that doesn’t help around the house, feel entitled to whatever is in the house, and God forbid they clean up after themselves.”
“I know mom is wearing her heart on her sleeve, but she is inviting a lot of conflict.”
“Plus, they will have to find new jobs, and that could take months.”
“Mom wants to help, but I don’t think moving them in is helping.”
“It’s really kind of handicapping them because they should be standing on their own.”
“I would rather find them an apartment close by, front a couple of months rent, and then after they would be on their own.”
“It would cost less and provide them with independence and motivate them to stand on their own two feet.” ~ No_Tough3666
“From the time my son was three months old until his first birthday, we lived in a travel trailer.”
“Not a motorhome, an old Airstream designed to be towed behind a car.”
“It was in a cow pasture with a rudimentary water/sewer hookup and a long extension cord.”
“The thing was 30 feet by 8 feet – we managed.”
“Then his dad got back from Vietnam, and we were able to rent a small house.”
“1960s landlords did not rent to 17-year-old females who didn’t have a male available to cosign for them, even if they were married.”
“OP’s stepson wants guarantees of support, he hasn’t earned them and needs to stay where he is until he can afford better.”
“OP is NTA here.” ~ IntroductionPast3342
“They will Move in and mommy will want to be close to the grandbaby so they will never leave.”
“GF probably will want to stay home.”
“He has to suck it up for being an immature AH for not wearing condoms because he doesn’t like them.”
“They need to be responsible and work it out themselves and live in a 1-bedroom apt.”
“Babies sleep in the same room with their parents usually for a year.”
“So no need for 2 rooms. NTA.” ~ Fluffy-Scheme7704
“Is this a shared home? You own? She owns? Who pays for it?”
“She’s welcome to have her son and his girlfriend and baby move into HER home if it’s hers and she pays for it.”
“But you don’t have to be there for it.”
“If it’s yours or you both share the costs/mortgage, stand your ground.”
“They’ll never leave.
“And living with a baby will dramatically alter your day-to-day. NTA.” ~ NUredditNU
“NTA. Babies don’t need separate space for a while, they’ve got plenty of time to get their feet under them without moving into your house.” ~ DinoSnuggler
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. Maybe you could’ve used a little more finesse.
But you’re doing what you think is best.
They clearly have a lot of growing up to do. Hopefully, they do it fast.