A lot of work has been done towards anti-bullying.
The definition between teasing and abuse regarding children has become more clear.
But there is always more work to be done.
Case in point…
Redditor Devine4636 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for taking my daughter and leaving the wedding after her stepbrother pulled her wig?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (16) Megan just finished her cancer treatment.”
“She’s lost her hair in the process and she’s been incredibly insecure because of it.”
“She no longer meets friends nor welcomes them at our home nor even meet family in person.”
“It’s been bad to say the least but her stepbrother (18) Ben has been making it worse with his nagging comments and jokes about her looks.”
“He tried taking and posting pics of her secretly to share but I shut that down even though my husband thought it was just ‘harmless teasing.'”
“My husband’s sister’s wedding was last week.”
“The family wanted Megan to go but she didn’t want to.”
“I spent so much time trying to help her and convince her to start socializing again and see family.”
“She agreed under the condition that I let her wear a wig which I agreed, not only that but I took her shopping to pick her own wig and she looked beautifully stunning in her pixie hairstyle wig.”
“My husband and Ben laughed when they saw it.”
“I don’t know why.”
“We went to the wedding and everything was going well until this happened.”
“We were all sitting and we started talking about how Meghan looks.”
“Suddenly Ben reached out and pulled her wig and exposed her head.”
“I was shocked.”
“I froze but Megan yelled then took her wig and ran.”
“Ben, his cousins and some guests started laughing.”
“I was upset especially when looked over my shoulder and saw my husband sitting next to his mom and laughing.”
“I lost it on Ben and berated him in front of everyone then took my stuff, got Megan and got into the car and went home.”
“Ben and my husband didn’t have a ride home and my husband kept calling me but I didn’t respond.”
“He came home asking about me leaving mid wedding and upsetting his sister and then leaving him and Ben with no ride home.”
“I argued with him about how Ben embarrassed Megan and humiliated her publicly which must’ve ruined what’s left of her self esteem.”
“He said that it was just ‘kids teasing each other’ and that I overreacted and Ben had no malicious intent he was just messing with her.”
“I said I was sick of it.”
“But he said that this is their way of bonding as stepsiblings and I was getting in the way of it and being overprotective and unreasonable.”
“We didn’t talk after that and Ben is refusing to apologize and his dad is backing him up.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA but you need to divorce that man, his and his adult sons behavior is disgusting.”
“There is absolutely no excuse for what Ben did.” ~ Knots90
“Yes. When your daughter starts dating, she’s going to look to your example about how a man should treat her, and what a healthy adult relationship should look like.”
“If you stay with this man you are teaching your daughter that emotional abuse is okay.” ~ InfectedAlloy88
“Let’s take a closer look at what OP’s husband is dismissing — not just mocking a cancer patient, but posting creepshots of her to do it.”
“That’s really invasive, dehumanizing behavior.”
“OP, if you leave now, you may spare yourself some grief when your stepson sexually assaults someone at college.”
“And you have to learn how much money your husband is prepared to spend to ensure that he never faces consequences for it.” ~ yet_another_sock
“YTA for staying married to this man after the first time he dismissed Ben’s teasing of your daughter.”
“Be a better mom by leaving him and not subjecting your daughter to anymore of your husbands or Ben’s behavior.” ~ ComonBaras
“The fact that OP’s husband calls it ‘harmless teasing’ shows what he is like in terms of how kind and empathetic he is in life… that’s not harmless, it’s not teasing.”
“It’s being cruel.”
“I wouldn’t be able to trust someone who would do that or find it an acceptable way to treat anyone.” ~ mkat23
“That says to me that the husband was a bully himself.”
“Especially the way he shrugs it off.”
“OP’s daughter had to go through chemo and then has to go home where she shares a house with two bullies, one of them being an ‘adult.'”
“It’s honestly vile to even think about.” ~ DiamondKitsune
“Yep. NTA, OP.”
“I’m sorry that you even felt the need to ask.”
“It sounds like you’ve been used to dealing with this kind of immature behavior.”
“But I can assure you it is not normal nor is it something you should put up with.”
“This is one of those posts where my immediate response was absolutely to divorce that man and get your daughter away from those awful people.”
“I am not even joking, if you need to run, then you should.”
“Do not let them gaslight you.” ~ sapphyredragon
“This. It isn’t normal teasing.”
“OP’s daughter went through a traumatic experience, and beat it.”
“Now she’s trying to rebuild herself, as a young woman, and ops husband and stepson are setting her back time and time again.”
“It’s disgusting that an adult would think it’s ok for siblings to humiliate each other.”
“It’s shows a lack of basic consideration and human decency, especially when it’s proven to be a sensitive topic.”
“He thinks the daughter should just forget about all she’s had to struggle through and accept poor treatment.”
“What a callous man.” ~ SpecialistFeeling220
“This! SO much of this.”
“Not only is this behaviour disgusting but it’s being condoned by your husband instead of reprimanded as any sane person would.”
“I know this subreddit is quick to play the divorce card, but this would absolutely be the hill I would die on.”
“NTA but you would be if you don’t take immediate action.”
“An ultimatum at the very least.” ~ enzobella
“Your daughter could go nuclear.”
“She could file a police report for an adult harassing her and then potentially assaulting her by ripping her wig off.”
“He could have torn her scalp if it had been glued down and an aggressive act like that, especially from an adult perpetrated on a minor, could constitute assault.”
“However, these are my opinions and I am not a lawyer.”
“To add NTA.” ~ allflowerssmellsweet
“Not just file a police report but request a temporary restraining order against the stepbrother and fight to turn it into a permanent one.”
“What is happening here is abusive, by both adult ‘men’ who are in her life who should be proving she can trust them to protect her… not humiliate, belittle, and publicly shame and embarrass a cancer survivor who is also a minor.”
“This treatment shown by your adult stepson and your adult husband, as well as anyone who laughed at her and did not come to her immediate defense is abusive and completely unacceptable.”
“Even if she had shaved her head for other reasons.”
“It’s still unacceptable to mock and shame someone who is trying to figure out how to be comfortable in her own skin.”
“She deserves to be surrounded by people who make her feel safe, not bullied.”
“NTA for protecting and defending your daughter.”
“But YWBTA if you continue to keep her in a home environment where she is clearly not safe from cruel tactics of destroying her entire self esteem.”
“Your husband should be ashamed he raised such a disgusting pig while continuing to defend and join in on treating your daughter in vile, crude, unacceptable, ways.” ~ TheMightyBethers
“NTA. Ben’s behavior isn’t harmless teasing.”
“He’s bullying Meghan for being a cancer survivor and you absolutely did the right thing by leaving the wedding.” ~ PutridScallio
“She is only 16 and dealing with cancer and bullying from her Step-Dad and Step-Brother.”
“OP was NTA for leaving the wedding.”
“But she is a massive a**hole for staying in this relationship and letting her daughter be continuously exposed to these horrible bullies at HOME where she should feel safe.” ~ seeemilyplay123
“You’re a mother first, and your daughter’s support system second.”
“Your daughter’s well-being is the top priority at this time.”
“If your husband and stepson do not see anything wrong about their bullying, better to consult a good divorce lawyer. NTA.” ~ iamtanji
“NTA. You ought reconsider who you are married to.”
“Your husband is equally as cruel as his son and we can all see where his son gets it from.”
“Especially when you saw both your husband AND his father laughing about it as well.”
“They are a cruel family and I’m sorry your daughter is suffering due to you NOT wanting to see the truth until this event.” ~ MonkeyWrench
Well OP, Reddit sounds loud and clear.
It maybe time for some serious life changes for you and your daughter.
Your daughter deserves far more than an apology.
Good luck going forward, to both of you.