Seeing your family struggle with money is heartbreaking.
It’s even more heartbreaking when you can’t help. And, that might lead to some guilt.
Redditor throwstephawayyy encountered this very issue with her family. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for ‘flexing’ my money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I [18 F] am under scholarship since middle school, which, fortunately, gives me financial benefits.”
“We’re lower middle class and can still afford basic needs but sometimes I still have to chip in or buy school requirements on my own. I have gotten an increase since I started college which made me have extra money.”
“Recently, I started buying stuff for self care and other wants like books, among other school needs. This is when the pandemic began.”
OP is spending more time with her family.
“Now, my grandma  (receiving pension) and 6 cousins [8-24] live next door, they’d see me receive parcels from courier deliveries, and would ask what it is.”
“I don’t really mind, it’s just casual talk. And I’d say, just nothing, stuff for or from school (which is sometimes true).”
“Yesterday, I had to be out so I asked the courier if they could drop it in my GM’s place next door so someone could sign it.”
“When I came home, I saw that the parcel had been tampered with and scratches and dents were visible on the books (even with thick bubble wrap).”
“I know it’s not the courier’s fault since I already know the delivery guy and I trust his word when he said it’s in good condition.”
OP’s grandma looked upset.
“My GM gave it to me, not so nicely. Here’s why I might be the AH.”
“Since the pandemic began, my other cousin  who was supporting them got laid off.”
“My mom would occasionally support them too but only when there’s really more than enough for us. And their oldest sister  can’t find a job.”
“My uncle  lives with them too but does not have a stable job as he works in construction. He’s earning minimum wage and they’re just fitting their daily needs with the money on top of my GM’s pension.”
“They said that me purchasing ‘whatever the hell I want’ was insensitive given that they’re financially struggling already and I said it’s my money, I study hard for this and that GM never gave me support ever.”
“I have also given them financial support from my own bank account way before.”
OP is not sure what to do.
“I can kinda see where they’re coming from, not having enough for a big family. I’m starting to think I really was an a**hole.”
“But I just can’t get over them tampering with the package when I never gave them the permission to do so.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. I can see wanting to help out family and I understand the struggle. We had our fair share growing up.”
“But your not responsible for them. Everyone struggles, and its not up to you to be the bail out.”
“If they were starving to death then OK I could see getting upset but I highly doubt thats the case.”
“Do not feel bad for being as generous as you already are with your money. Helping is fine but IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.” ~ SPG725
“NTA, but asking the courier to drop packages at your GM’s place might be tactless. Can you just pick them up from the courier?” ~ WebbieVanderquack
“I live a few hours away from the city where the courier is based so they come once a week, also hard to travel over there without urgent concerns. I had asked to drop it on the porch but they insisted on having someone receive it for proof. I’ll be more mindful next time.” ~ throwstephawayyy
Most Redditors argued OP was not “flexing.”
“NTA. You’re not flexing. This is them resenting your success – academic and material.”
“That package was opened so they could finally see what you were always buying. When it turned out to be books, it couldn’t be used against OP.”
“Tell the courier/ post office that the package was damaged by the receiver that they insisted on. Ask whether you can select a time and date for delivery when YOU can receive and sign for items.”
“Do not have them drop it off. Your family will definitely tamper or damage it, especially if it looks like cosmetic products. Because many people see it as a luxury. In my experience, the violation of having it stolen or damaged is just not worth the emotional distress.”
“Good luck with the studies and may you be richly successful.” ~ LurkerToPoster100
“NTA, but I would stop ‘ask[ing] the courier if they could drop it in my GM’s place next door so someone could sign it.'” ~ Dszquphsbnt
Redditors argued that’s not what a scholarship is for.
“Yea. It was a mistake but that is unfortunate in itself.”
“One would hope that they could ask their grandmother something so simple like to sign for a package without being attacked for it or made to feel guilty that they’re not completely helpless and dependent on their family.”
“And it sounds like with your scholarship, you’ve got just enough extra money to help out with the cost of some textbooks and study aids (I would even consider some self care items as study aids) like the scholarship is intended. Not enough money to support a house full of adults.” ~ Jerry-Beans
“NTA they were school books.”
“Even if they were personal books I honestly don’t see where you flaunted anything personally. They would have a real fit if they opened my online purchases lol.”
“It’s your money you spend it how you need / want to I’d talk to your other neighbors and ask if you could have packages dropped off to one of them.” ~ bucku1969
It’s OP’s money, and she should spend it however she wants.