Losing a loved one comes with numerous challenges.
The hardest of course, is grief, which those close with the deceased will no doubt suffer for an indeterminate amount of time.
While one of the more unpleasant challenges can be regarding any possible inheritance.
As some family members might think that something the deceased left to someone, be it a sizable amount of money, or a simple heirloom, rightfully belongs to them.
Redditor reddit_randouser lost his father at an unfairly young age, and was due for an inheritance when he reached his 18th birthday.
He was furious to learn that his mother and stepfather had not only already accessed his inheritance, but even put it to use without consulting him, putting a serious strain on his relationship with both of them.
Concerned he may not have handled the situation as well as he could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for embarrassing my stepdad in front of his family saying he’s in *my* house?”
The OP shared that he was surprised that his mother and stepfather suddenly had the means to buy a sizable home, and was outraged when he discovered where the money came from.
“For the past few months, I (17 m[ale]) haven’t had a good relationship with my mom or stepdad.”
“I’m angry at them because 2 years ago when my dad passed away, he left me an inheritance that I’m supposed to get on my 18th birthday.”
“I’m also getting survivors benefits that my mom uses for me when I need things, so is not like she used this inheritance for me.”
“They bought a house that we moved into.”
“It was weird for me because we always lived in a 3 bedroom apartment.”
“My stepdad is a substitute teacher and my mom’s a part time receptionist.”
“They never even had enough to go for a vacation or something but all of a sudden they had for a large house out of nowhere.”
“Mg mom looked guilty about it until she finally admitted they used some of what my dad left me to buy the house.”
“I lost my sh*t.”
“They tried to justify that it was for me too, and I asked them does that mean they’re moving out when I’m 18 and the house is going to be in my name?”
“And they’re like ‘no’.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Supposedly the house was for me, but max time I would’ve lived there was a few months.”
“There’s still some money left if I went to a cheap college but still can’t believe they used my money for something on themselves.”
“That amount could’ve helped me get my own damm house.”
“Also think is funny since my stepdad didn’t like my dad because I was spending more time with him, which meant my mom had to pay a little in child support.”
“But he doesn’t care using the money he left for me.”
Things came to a head at a recent family visit, where the OP exposed just how his stepfather could afford to buy their house.
“Last Saturday his family all came to stay at the house.”
“They stayed Friday night, so it was next morning when I’m getting ready to go to work.”
“I made myself eggs in a hurry.”
“Before I left, my stepdad asked how come there wasn’t more for his family.”
“I told him it’s because I’m already leaving for work there wasn’t gonna be time to make something for everyone.”
“He acted like it’s not a big deal if I’m a little late since its rare they have people over at the house.”
“We go back in forth because I’m not going to stop to make breakfast when he can do it himself.”
“Then he pulled that ‘don’t talk to me like that in my house’.”
“There’s no door in the kitchen and that leads right to the living room so they could hear all this.”
“I said loudly ‘actually it’s my house, since you paid for it with my money and don’t forget they stole from me’.”
“My mom is expecting me to apologize for embarrassing him in front of his whole family because after I left they all had sh*t to say about it.
“They already went home by the time I got home but you could feel the tension.”
“He straight up ignored me that’s how bad it was.”
“I don’t feel like there’s anything for me to apologize for so that’s where she thinks I’m not being a good son and kind of an a-hole.”
“Wanna know if others feel the same.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for reminding his stepfather that he bought the house with money which was not rightfully his.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother and stepfather had no right to use his inheritance to buy a house without his consent, with several declaring he should take legal action.
“Kiddo, it sounds like you might need to get a copy of the paperwork that says it’s your inheritance and who is in control of the decisions.”
“You might need a lawyer.”
“Stay cool and non-confrontational until you know the truth and all your ducks are in a row.”
“Think Big Picture.”
“Play the Long Game and get what’s yours.”-OkapiEli.
“You should probably contact a lawyer about them misusing the money that was meant for you.”-FromAnotherGamer.
“I think you should talk to an estate lawyer because if your dad structured his will properly, I would say your mother has misused funds put in trust for you for her own personal benefit.”
“Don’t pick a huge fight with your mom and stepdad over this until you have the facts.”
“But I really do think you should have a professional review the situation and let you know what your options are.”- Used_Mark_7911.
“And honestly, I would actually recommend you go and talk to a lawyer about suing them for your money.”
“That money should have been held in trust for you, and they have likely broke all kinds of laws by using it to purchase an asset in their own names.”-StrongBlueberry5432.
“Spending your 17 yo child’s inheritance on a house with your new partner is SO selfish and foul.”
“Even IF you were 10 and had 8 years left to live in that house, they had no right to spend your inheritance on a house.”
“That money was for YOUR future not their’s.”
“Expecting your 17yo to cook breakfast for the family when they are late for work when you are completely free to do so yourself is incredibly selfish.”
“Sensing a pattern here.”
“Tbh, I don’t think you did anything wrong by expressing it’s your house.”
“Was it petty?”
“But justifiably so.”
“It doesn’t even sound like you were trying to humiliate him.”
“You simply stated the truth.”
“He wouldn’t be embarrassed if there wasn’t merit to what you said.”
“Also to echo everyone else, contact a lawyer!”
“Also might be a good idea to text him or your mom about this at some point just to have a paper trail documenting them affirming they used your inheritance to buy a house for themselves.”
“Idk if that will be usable evidence going forward but nice to have in your back pocket.”
“Example ‘Mom said to apologize to you for embarrassing you in front of XYZ’.”
“‘I’m texting because I’m still upset and You probably are too’.”
“‘I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, I’ve just been holding in a lot of anger about my inheritance and just blew up. I’m trying to plan for college and it really still bothers me that even though my dad left me the money for my future, you and mom spent part of my inheritance on this house that feels more for your futures than mine’, etc etc.”
“That way he responds, thinking this text is a just a shitty apology, and argues that they used the money ‘for your benefit’ you will have some preliminary evidence that they misused your inheritance.”
“Again, not sure if this would truly be helpful w/ lawyer but can’t hurt to have.”-unthinmint.
“F*CK YOUR STEPDAD.”
“And your mom.”
“But especially f*ck your stepdad.”
“Definitely get a lawyer.”
“Do NOT let that sh*t go.”
“I would be beyond furious to find out they bought themselves a house.”
“You’re f*cking 17 and they say it’s for you?”
“Get the f*ck outta here.”
“I’m absolutely livid just reading this sh*t.”-moistlyhard.
It’s hard to sympathize with a parent who misuses their child’s money.
And that they used it only for themselves, when their son was still grieving no less, makes it all the worse.
It’s going to be a long healing process, but here’s hoping they can come to a resolution.