More often than not, there’s very little people want to hear less than the truth.
Even if the truth has an inevitable way of coming out, many people go out of their way to avoid hearing it.
As it can be a painful reminder of something they don’t want to believe, or don’t want to be true.
The son of Redditor ercanercan recently went through a painful break-up.
While the young man was unsure of why things didn’t work out, the original poster (OP) was well aware.
When he told his son his honest opinion, his son and wife were less than appreciative.
Wondering if they had done the wrong thing, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my son he basically caused his own breakup?”
The OP explained why their son did not appreciate his honest opinion of why his relationship failed:
“My son never once went to see his long-distance lover, who came to visit him nearly every month.”
“He refused to try despite my constant encouragement, in part because my wife insisted that she was afraid of his flying.”
“Eventually, the relationship ended, and the girlfriend is now seeing someone else.”
“I explained to my kid that I knew why she had left and that he was to blame for it because he had made no attempt to maintain the connection.”
“He and my wife are now furious with me.”
“I continue to believe that it was true.”
“AITA for expressing it?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was generally in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling his son the truth.
Nearly everyone agreed that not only was the OP correct in his assessment, but that his son needed to hear it, with some even wondering if the OP’s wife was partially to blame for enabling their son:
“NTA.”
“Though I suspect that’s only part of the story, yeah, I’ll bet the GF was feeling this was pretty one-sided.”- Sensitive_Coconut339
“NTA.”
“I guess he’s been complaining, and you served him some hard, cold truth.”- Necessary-Fly-1095
“NTA.”
“But I’m confused – are you saying that your son never flew to see his girlfriend because his MOM is afraid of flying?”
“Is that what happened?”
“Why would HER fear of flying mean that HE can’t fly?”
“Was she not letting him fly?”
“If so, is he an adult who is capable of living his own life and making his own decisions?”
“LDRs are really difficult and both people have to put an equal amount of energy into communicating, visiting, and making it work.”
“She did all the work – spent all the money, took all the time and energy to travel to him, and he didn’t reciprocate.”
“This isn’t just about flying, but about making an effort.”
“You are 100% right, and while I’m sure it stung for him to hear it, he needed to hear it.”
“Wife is upset because if she was the reason he wasn’t flying, you’re technically blaming her too, which naturally is going to sting for her as well.”
“And it means that son will start to blame her too, which of course she doesn’t want.”
“You aren’t wrong, and sometimes you have to be honest and give some tough love to people.”- Money-Possibility606
“NTA relationships can’t be one sided.”- GollumTrees
“NTA.”
“If anything, your wife helped ruin that relationship.”
“I think you should talk to your wife about backing off and letting son make his own decisions.”
“No girl wants to date a boy who has an unhealthy, parasitical relationship with their mother.”
“It’s wonderful to have good family relationships, it’s weird and toxic to allow family to dictate the relationship, which is what happened in this case.”- Sun_Blossoms
“NTA.”
“You are parenting.”
“Love is not blind support.”- Equivalent-Ad1173
“NTA truth hurts.”
“Sounds like he’s a mamas boy.”
“Maybe he’ll ween himself off of the teet one day.”- DumbBees2
“NTA.”
“He needs to treat this as a learning opportunity to help him in his next relationship.”
“Relationships require effort from both sides, so he should learn to put more work into maintaining it.”- HolSmGamer
“NTA.”
“His dating standards only align with his mother, and her belief system, so if that’s the case then he is incompatible with dating.”
“Either he grows up and realizes that or he is doomed to be the mama’s boy left alone with his mama.”
“She is an enabler of his behaviors, and if he does not realize that everybody does not count her as their beacon of reason, then that is entirely his choice and he has to live with the consequences and repercussions of that.”- gurlwithdragontat2
“Does your wife often stop him from doing activities becauae of her fear?”
“NTA, OP.”- West_House_2085
“NTA.”
“Sure, it hurts being told you’re the one who messed up, but these are important lessons to learn and it’s better hearing that from someone who unconditionally loves you than to not.”- that1senpai2
“NTA – Truth hurts.”
“She was putting in the work to show she valued him and he just, didn’t.”- mute1
“NTA It is true but your son does not want to hear it.”
“Sometimes it’s better to pose questions.”
“’Do you think that the break up had anything to do with the fact that you have not visited her?’”
“If your son responds no… then save your breath.”- ScaryButterscotch474
“NTA, he needs to hear it.”- A-namethatsavailable
“I’d say you’re NTA for expressing your thoughts, but you could have communicated them more effectively.”
“It seems like maybe your wife feels guilty and reacted because she sensed you were suggesting that her fear of him flying contributed to the breakup, while in her mind she was just trying to keep her son safe.”
“I’m not sure what your son is thinking, but sometimes asking something like, ‘Do you think your decision not to visit her might have had anything to do with the breakup?’ can get the point across without triggering an angry reaction.”- the_phoenix4
“NTA- he needed to know if he wants a girlfriend he needs to make the effort and it’s not just up to her.”
“I’m glad she found someone new.”
“I’m tired of these woman running behind a man that don’t give 2c and they running behind him.”-loveyou-first
“I would say you’re NTA, but also it sounds like you don’t know the full story to fully evaluate how the relationship went down and ended eventually.”
“It might help the relationship with your son to ask him if he wants to talk about it perhaps you can find out more about the dynamic between them and it might help you understand what happened.”-simmysoo
“NTA.”
“He needs to hear this to he can learn from it if/when he goes into his next relationship.”
“It takes both sides to make it work and she left for a reason.”- amelia611
“NTA.”
“He needed to hear it.”
“As for your wife, why is she mad?”- Due_Masterpiece_4155
“NTA.”
“The boy set himself up for failure and learned a valuable lesson.”
“DON’T LOOK FOR EXCUSES TO NOT PUT EFFORT INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!”
“You gave him the correct information.”
“He will need this for future relationships and learn and grow.”- snoopysnoop2021
“NTA.”
“They can be mad all they want, but that doesn’t change the truth.”
“If your son is really that afraid of flying then the relationship was doomed.”- Rare-Lettuce8044
“NTA.”
“But why are you involved in your son’s love life?”- grumpi-otter
“You’re Right!”
“NTA.”- Cute_Classroom6719
There were a few, however, who felt that the OP may have overstepped and that his son should have come to realize this on his own, even if they didn’t think his opinion was wrong:
“ESH.”
“If your son is old enough to have a ‘long-distance lover’, he is old enough to manage his own relationship with that person without listening to your opinions about how often he should visit or his mother’s fears about him flying.”
“Both you and your wife should step off, and your son should make his own decisions.”-Scrabblement
“Ehhh, ESH, but there’s not enough information here to really make a judgement.”
“Long-distance relationships require a *ton* of work on both parties’ part, and it sounds like you are right on the money here — never going to see your partner is a tough sell in a long-distance relationship.”
“That said, being right isn’t everything.”
“Sure, your kid might have needed to be told that, but there’s almost never just one reason that relationships end. these situations have nuance, and I think your delivery glosses over that and is generally insensitive.”
“What other reasons were there for the relationship ending?”- 64616e6e79
It’s never a good feeling to be told that you are one hundred percent responsible for things going wrong.
That being said, we also need to learn from our mistakes, so hopefully, the OP’s son will take this as a learning opportunity to make sure any future relationships aren’t as one-sided.
At the end of the day, honesty is, indeed, always the best policy.