Redditor TheActual_Idiot is a staunch vegan married to a staunch meat-eater.
The dietary differences haven’t been an issue for the happy couple… until recently.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.
He asked:
“AITA for making my husband a vegan dinner even though he’s completely against becoming one?”
He went on to explain.
“I [24-year-old Male] and my husband [25-year-old Male] have been happily married for a little over a year now. We met through a mutual friend and he learned very quickly that I am a vegan.”
“About a year after we met and got closer, we started dating. He had no issues with me being vegan, but made it very clear that I couldn’t force him into being a vegan, which I respected.”
“I haven’t ever put him down for eating meat in front of me, as that is his choice. Each to their own.”
“We even served both vegan and meat-inclusive food at our wedding to accommodate both of our families.”
“Up till now, everything was great. However, recently I’ve been seeing a ton of vegan recipes on my pinterest and decided I wanted to try making one for dinner.”
“We don’t usually end up getting to have fancy dinners at home as both of us work full time, but I found some time today to cook something up.”
“It was a recipe for pulled pork sandwiches, but the pork wasn’t actually pork, instead it was jackfruit.”
“He seemed a little stressed about work but I showed him the surprise dinner, and that seemed to help his mood out.”
“He ate it happily, and even complimented my cooking. But when he asked what was in it – and when I told him it was a pulled pork sandwich with jackfruit as a meat alternative – he lashed out.”
“He shouted, telling me that he made it clear he was staying a meat eater. I tried explaining that I wasn’t trying to turn him into a vegan, but he’d just walked away then.”
“This happened a few hours back, and now he’s refusing to talk to me.”
“I feel like I might be the a**hole for making him a vegan meal even though he’d made it extremely clear he wouldn’t become one.”
“Because even if it wasn’t my intention to make him one I still made a vegan dinner that passed off as one with meat in it.”
“So Reddit, Am I the A**hole?”
“EDIT: This is a pretty commonly asked question so I’ll just clear it up here, I didn’t say it was a pulled pork sandwich.”
“All I had said was that I made some sandwiches for us, nothing more and nothing less.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘He ate it happily, and even complimented my cooking…when I told him it was a pulled pork sandwich with jackfruit as a meat alternative – he lashed out.’”
“‘He shouted, telling me that he made it clear he was staying a meat eater.’”
“I do not understand people like this who love food until finding out that it is vegan.”
“You are not pushing veganism on him – you made a meal that you could eat and that he ended up enjoying. I do not see the issue.”
“I can’t eat dairy so I use plant-based milks, butters, cheeses, etc. in meals. My husband doesn’t care as long as it tastes good.”
“I also make vegetarian/vegan meals at least once/week (just to take a meat break); as a big meat eater, he also does not care about that that as long as it tastes good.” – Hello_JustSayin
“NTA.”
“Eating a single vegan meal does not make you vegan.”
“That’s like saying that I’m a fitness enthusiast because I went to the gym once last year.” – awsomeX5triker
“Repeat after me, ‘When you yell at me after I’ve cooked for you, it makes me to not want to create homemade dinners anymore.’”
“‘When you give me the silent treatment, it makes me wonder if you value our relationship at all.’”
“‘Your desire to eat meat shouldn’t trump our relationship’s value and serenity. I didn’t make you a vegan, I made you a meal that you said you enjoyed.’”
“‘I wasn’t trying to trick you, I was creating food that I can eat from a new recipe.’”
“You deserved better. Now that you know he’ll be upset about it, tell him every ingredient in dinner before he starts. But maybe make sure you get an apology, too. NTA.” – everellie
“NTA”
“I’m really confused by his reaction. Would he have a similar meltdown about a kosher meal because he didn’t want to keep kosher in the future?”
“This is extremely childish on your husband’s part.” – DragoBrokeMe
“NTA. You made a meal and you both ate the same thing and the same time and he didn’t think it was vegan?”
“His reaction seems overblown unless you were selling him on it as pulled pork and only later told him but even then it’s not like you are giving him something he is allergic to.” – Santasreject
“NTA. Having a vegan meal isn’t a bad thing. If I was dating a vegan and they made me a meal my default assumption would be that meal is vegan unless we had a separate conversation about it.”
“This is a weird reaction from him.” – Reasonable-Ad-3605
“He sounds a little slow and embarrassed. If you, a vegan, made the dinner AND ate it WITH him… he didn’t connect the dots?”
“I live a vegan. When she cooks, it’s vegan. When I cook, i keep the meat separate so she can eat the majority of the meal as well. Kindness is free 🤷🏼♂️” – HauntingProcedure549
“NTA.”
“You didn’t tell him it was vegan, true. BUT…it sounds like this was dinner that you both ate. So, he saw you eating it. If you, a vegan, are eating it, it must be vegan.”
“Is he really pissed not because you gave him a vegan meal but because he thought he’d gotten you to leave veganism and eat meat randomly?” – Available-Love7940
“Your husband is an idiot. Eating a vegan meal from time to time doesn’t mean you’re becoming a vegan. FFS. One doesn’t have to consume meat constantly to remain an omnivore.”
“You made a nice dinner that he enjoyed and then he acted like a d*ck instead of saying thank you. You are NTA.” – tootallblonde
“NTA. You didn’t make him a vegan. You made a vegan meal. I’m very much not vegan but still eat vegan meals sometimes.”
“You didn’t trick him, nor did you make him eat something he is morally opposed to eating. He is being a giant toddler.” – burritogoals
“NTA”
“When he eats mac and cheese, or like a mushroom pizza, does he lash out at whomever for making him a vegetarian? Eggs and toast?”
“Honestly he has rage issues or something. Or hopefully, he was crazy stressed and will come to his senses and grovel for forgiveness.” – OLAZ3000
“I’m sorry, but wouldn’t he assume you made a vegan meal, as you are vegan? That’s where I’m confused. Does he expect you to make two different meals for him?”
“Does he try to force his meat eating on you by making food only he can eat, or does he make two options? Idk why he is mad.”
“If you are eating it, obviously it is vegan, meaning it does not have meat 😅 my husband is a carnivore but will gladly eat vegan food I make for myself.”
“(I am not vegan but I do enjoy some vegan foods.)” – mangopeachapplesauce
“NTA. I never get the huge amount of… pride? That people have about eating meat. They’re so adamant about it, it’s crazy.”
“Sure you like meat, you seriously can’t have a meal without it, though? You LIKED THE VEGAN FOOD, cut the crap.” – Reytotheroxx
“NTA”
“I recently had the pleasure of eating a pulled pork sandwich with jackfruit as the replacement. It was really good. I would recommend it to everyone.”
“Eating a vegan or vegetarian dish does not make one vegan. We try to eat two vegan or vegetarian dishes every week and it’s not a big deal.”
“Sometimes I simply forget to defrost the meat and then just replace it with cheese or cashews.”
“Your husband’s reaction is very weird, though. Does he think that liking meat substitutes is morally wrong?”
“P.S. can I have the recipe? This is actually something I’d like to try and make myself.” – life1sart
Oh my God wtf, in which dirty corner do yall find your partners??
“Of course, NTA, being a meat-eater doesn’t mean you need to eat meat at every meal.”
“You cooked something nutritious that he found delicious. Where is the *** problem if it isn’t his rigidity of mind and fragile ego.”
“He was salty about discovering that a vegan dish can be good. That is a terribly sh*tty reason to be mad at you.” – politicanna
They need to get down to the meat of the issue.