There are a few sore topics that are best left unasked. But, you never know when an innocent question will create a huge issue in your relationship.
Redditor GcThrowawaycG encountered this very issue with her boyfriend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA? Curious about why my boyfriend is vegetarian and my question triggered him.
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi! So, I live with my boyfriend, and since day 1 I’ve known he’s a vegetarian. Wonderful for him! I eat meat occasionally, but was never a big thing for me.”
“He was ranting yesterday about how people who judge what you do with your dog shouldn’t be talking because they most likely eat meat, and therefore are hypocritical for judging.”
“He decided to go further and say that he believes eating meat is wrong, that killing and torturing animals is wrong, and that he is doing inherently good by not eating meat. I listened and went on with my day.”
“Today, I was thinking about the quesadillas (which contain cheese) I was making for him. I thought about the messed up way cows get milked and how the mass dairy industry is really bad for cows.”
“It’s torture for them, or so I’ve been told.”
So, OP decided to pose a question.
“So I popped me head out of the kitchen, and asked ‘hey! Why are you vegetarian instead of vegan?'”
“He asked me to repeat myself, and I continued ‘if you say that it’s wrong to kill and torture animals (therefore not eating meat), why do you decide to continue eating dairy and eggs if we know it hurts farm animals?'”
“He exploded, as the question really triggered him. Saying things like:”
“‘we were all born into things we don’t want to do, and it’s torture. What’s the difference between us and them? Dogs don’t want to stay in apartments. Cows don’t want to stay in tight spaces. Humans don’t want to do repetitive work. But here we are!'”
“‘Should I just hang myself because I’m drinking milk? Since I’m hurting the cows?'”
“‘What do you want me to do? Go to some Amish farm and get hand squeezed milk? Then I’ll be good?'”
“And a bunch of other comparisons and comments.”
OP’s boyfriend continued.
“He did say he was sick and tired of people asking why he was vegetarian, cause it’s something he feels people judge him for.”
“I apologized and said I didn’t mean to seem judgmental or to put him down, I was just curious as to why. I said I’ll try to word questions better in order to not offend him.”
“He’s already at his grandmothers place to cool his head for the night. Was I the asshole in this situation?”
“Update: He came back with my favorite dessert in hand. Talked it out, and came to a couple of conclusions.”
“A) Since the question was quite sudden, he believed it was premeditated and meant to discredit him, as had been done to him in the past. I definitely did not mean anything like that.”
“B) He suggested that instead of saying the question straight, I can start with ‘I was just wondering…’ so that he knows it’s just a question and not an attack.”
“C) He 100% admits that blowing up was not the right thing and that he shouldn’t have done it, saying that he’ll work on that.”
“And for those wondering about the dog thing: We’ve got a beautiful husky, which means lots of people want to pet her and give her treats when we’re out and about.”
“Since she’s being trained, we’re both quite strict on what people do in relation to her. No extra treats, not too much attention as to get her excited and start jumping, correcting her when she bites or lunges, etc.”
“Some people didn’t want to accept that, which pissed my boyfriend off.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. His reaction is really over the top and is very worrysome. Red flags, lots of them.” ~ LollipopThrowAway-
“Vegan here, he blew up because OP is absolutely right and he’s a hypocrite and knows it. Also yes, that seems like a huge overreaction anyway.”
“Edit: Damn you all are judging me a lot based on this comment. I said he was being a hypocrite, not anybody that eats vegetarian food. He was being preachy about animal cruelty, and when politely asked a reasonable question ‘Why not Vegan then?’ he blew up. That tells me that he probably has guilt about it. I never made a comment about all vegetarians.” ~ EmeraldSunDice
“Yep, this. Vegetarians hate vegans even more than meat-eaters hate vegans, and it’s because they know what dairy and eggs involve and still don’t want to give them up, but those pesky vegans are spoiling their curated aesthetic of virtuousness and compassion.”
“Especially given the fact that apparently he is prone to virtue-signaling rants, OP’s boyfriend is fully aware he isn’t walking his talk and he is apparently very sensitive about the idea that anyone else can recognize that he’s full of shit.” ~ Rodents210
“Grow up, it’s completely context-appropriate here for them to raise these points, given the boyfriend’s bizarre reaction.”
“I’m a consumer of animal products and nothing they said was a lie either.” ~ r_pipes
“Naw, I used to be a vegetarian (10 years!), and I always just admitted that it would be way better to be vegan, and that I admired vegans, but that I simply couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the time, money or energy to be vegan. It is Hard! The vegan friends I have – who are lovely and never push anything on anyone – cook most of their meals from scratch, there’s animal products in almost everything!”
“I don’t know any vegetarians who hate vegans. It’s the same ideal, but with less dedication.”
“I still try to cook vegan at least once a week (also because having a lot of variation in a diet is healthy, and it forces me to try new things), and I still cook 90% vegetarian.” ~ Jazzisa
OP was just asking a valid question.