We all have different levels of comfort when it comes to our bodies.
What may be comfortable for one person, may be unimaginable for another.
But what about when it comes to family members?
How open should they be with each other?
Is there an age limit on when parents and kids should stop seeing one another in the buff?
That was the issue that bubbled up between a Redditor and their fiancée.
Case in point…
Redditor Embarrassed-Car4696 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my fiancée that I’m not ok with her video chatting her 31year old son while she was bathing?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (47 M[ale]) went in to use the bathroom earlier this evening, and as I walked past the tub, I saw my fiancée (51 F[emale]) bathing while also video chatting with her son.”
“She immediately got off the phone, and I just kind of stared… then asked, were you really just video chatting with your son while you are naked?”
“She got upset and said she was just showing her face, and she had just called to check on him.”
“I told her that seemed really iffy, and I wasn’t comfortable with it.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for telling her that isn’t appropriate?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Your fiancée probably spotted it as a moment of calm in her day when she could reconnect and touch base with her son.”
“I highly doubt she was sitting with it angled to show off more than her face.”
“Don’t be weird, dude.” ~ Responsible-Ad-7734
“When my brother was in the Army, whenever he got his phone, it was automatic family FaceTime regardless of what we were doing.”
“There was one time I was on the toilet, my sister was at work, and my Dad was peeking out from behind the shower curtain while my Mom held the phone for the two of them.”
“It was chaos, but it was a funny memory.”
“Just because someone is in the restroom, even if they’re in the shower or tub, while they’re on the phone, that doesn’t mean they’re showing off the goods.”
“That would have made our family FaceTime really awkward…like OP. OP, YTA.” ~ Mindless-Witness-825
“I was never comfortable with it, but both my mom and dad used to walk around naked.”
“Not like just for kicks, while they were getting ready or whatever.”
“Some kind of boomer behavior – and my mom often would yell for me to bring something while she was on the loo/in the bath.”
“Never saw it as sexual though, and it’s proper weird to me that people immediately go to that when parents interact with children in a way they’re not used to.”
“YTA OP, you’re being weird.”
“If there are other things bothering you that contribute to this sentiment, then I might change my opinion.”
“But just this isn’t an indication of weirdness.” ~ realdappermuis
“I spend like 99% of my free time naked.”
“If my friends are FaceTiming me, they’re seeing me with a blanket pulled high enough to cover my tits and that’s it.”
“My bare clavicle and sternum are not sexy, and if you can’t control yourself when seeing it, that’s a you problem. YTA.” ~ RepublicOfLizard
“YTA. Just what are you implying was going on?”
“She was just talking to her son.”
“Now you’ve made it weird by implying she was doing something inappropriate.”
“Honestly, if I were her, I’d call off the engagement.”
“It’s kind of crazy that you would accuse her of some sort of incest situation.”
“It’s a hugely insulting thing to say.” ~ laurasdiary
“YTA. The sexualization of nudity varies by culture.”
“In some cultures, you are expected to hide more/less of yourself in different situations.”
“There are absolutely cultures where children and parents frequently bathe together.”
“It might seem weird to you, but you are the one sexualizing it.”
“She is talking to her son.”
“She isn’t doing anything sexual, just performing basic hygiene, and she was only even showing her face.”
“You basically accused her of an incestuous relationship with her son.”
“She is very right to be offended.” ~ SilasRhodes
“And context! I work in healthcare and I touch so many naked strangers on a regular basis (in the context of doing my job) that it doesn’t even register as something to be awkward about anymore.”
“Some people don’t want to chat but a lot of people are more comfortable if you make small talk while you do whatever you’re doing.”
“So I’ve definitely had completely casual conversations about hockey or whatever while actively touching someone’s testicles.” ~ purpleelephant77
“Yeah I’m a nursing student, and I’m still learning this skill, but it makes it so much less weird just chatting casually.”
“I personally haven’t showered with my mother or father since I was like 6, my siblings since 15.”
“We weren’t weird, we were poor.”
“It was either shower together or not shower for three days.”
“I personally would not have my own kids do it post-puberty, but we did what we had to do).”
“But if they needed it for medical reasons, I would very happily wash any of them or allow them to wash me.”
“The more people I show and bathe, the more I realize bodies are just bodies.”
“Whether it be a 25-year-old woman who happens to be a model or a 95-year-old man, it just is what it is.”
“I personally feel there’s really no need to sexualize bodies you’re not about to have sex with.”
“While I get the average person is still uncomfortable with nudity, which is fine, I do get why, when it comes to family members talking on the phone in the bath without any view of anything it is really weird to imply it’s incestuous.” ~ BabyCake2004
“My family aren’t nudists, but we’re definitely not modest.”
“It’s absolutely normal for all of us to walk around without pants, for example (with underwear on, of course, we’re not that free) which would scandalize some families.”
“And there are families that do walk around naked and think nothing of it.”
“Nudity isn’t inherently sexual. We just sexualize it in our culture.”
“This is just a woman showing her face in a video while she sits in the tub.”
“It’s really not weird and gives no indication of incest happening, and it’s weird as f**k for OP to imply that it does.” ~ Friend_of_Hades
“YTA. Don’t make a big deal out of something that’s not. Chill, dude.”
“I video chat in the tub too… just hold it up to my face.”
“It’s usually one of the only ‘free’ times in my day where I’m also relaxed enough to chat.” ~ KhaleesiRoars
“You gotta remember different cultures have different views on nakedness in general.”
“In some cultures, it’s normal for mothers to kiss their sons on the lips. In some, going to the beach naked is normal – regardless of culture though – she was using dead time to catch up with family, not the worst thing to do.” ~ The_Real_Slim_Lemon
“YTA. I work remotely, and I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been partially naked for my calls.”
“We’re not living in the Game of Thrones world, where incest is fairly common.”
“Get over yourself, and your weird insecurity about your fiancée’s relationship with her son.” ~ figuringthingsout__
“It kind of depends on how you went about it.”
“It probably isn’t weird in their family.”
“Other countries aren’t as weird about nudity as we are in America.”
“Some families in America aren’t uptight about it.”
“I can understand talking about how it made you feel, but if you made overt and judgmental comments implying some Oedipus situation, YTA.” ~ Opie30-30
“It’s different for different people, different cultures, different family styles.”
“I would find it weird as well.”
“However, I remember like a month after my girlfriend moved in with me.”
“My girlfriend’s mom video-called her after dinner in her country, which for us was before we even woke up.”
“She woke me up, covered her breasts, and answered the call.”
“And that’s how I met my girlfriend’s mom.” ~ Much-Independence717
“I’m 27 and I still occasionally see my mom nude.”
“It is usually when we are in the bathroom together, having to share the space to get ready.”
“I have also seen her undress to try on clothes.”
“Or to sometimes see that annoying pimple she can’t reach.”
“None of it is in a sexual nature.”
“We don’t even really think about it.”
“We see it as she cared for me, and eventually, I will care for her.”
“I’m sure she wasn’t showing her body off to her son.”
“But I hope you hire help for the later years. God forbid he sees his mom naked, trying to help her dress, bathe, and go to the bathroom.”
“Their relationship is fine.”
“You are the weirdo. YTA.” ~ Pineapplemofo
“Have you never had a mother?”
“Or was your mother some kind of nun?”
“My mum leaves the door open when she’s taking a whiz, she walks around in her undies, she doesn’t care.”
“And as long as I don’t see a pair of breasts, I don’t care either. YTA.” ~ baked_seasaltcracker
“YTA… bro you’re making it weird.”
“If he could only see her face, what’s the problem?”
“She probably was having a good moment and wanted to talk to her kiddo.”
“Nakedness isn’t inherently sexual.” ~ Dreadknot84
“You sound like one of those weird guys who think there is more going on between the mother and son.”
“This kind of behavior is sickening and you need to get therapy. YTA.” ~ wthollis
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you on this one.
To them, it sounds like you may be making something out of nothing.
Some people are just more comfortable with their bodies than others.
It could be best to have a serious conversation with your fiancée about certain boundaries before you lead with emotion.
You may say some things you can’t take back.
Good luck.