In this day and age, people often make themselves very accessible and easy to find.
People are constantly checking-in to places when traveling.
Everyone wants everyone to know where they are.
Tons of people sign up for tracking apps.
This sort of accessibility doesn’t sit well with everyone, though.
Redditor Few_Respond8063 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my wife I don’t want her mom to have her location all the time now?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife shares her location with her family, and sometimes her friends.”
“I really never thought much about it.”
“I don’t share my location with her, which she has never liked. “
“I personally don’t like it, freaks me out to be tracked 24/7.”
“The issue was earlier this week.”
“I needed surgery, and I wanted to keep everything private.”
“I didn’t even tell my own mom and dad.”
“My wife agreed not to share with anyone either.”
“It was on Monday, and everything went overall well until my wife’s mother showed up.”
“She apparently noticed my wife was at the hospital, and when she didn’t pick up, she came down.”
“She thought my wife was hurt.”
“It became a big thing, and basically everyone on my wife’s side was told that someone was in the hospital.”
“My own mom and dad were contracted, and I had to explain the situation.”
“I hated this.”
“It is clear to me that if my wife is tracked 24/7, then I am being tracked.”
“I hate that this whole situation got out because people know my wife’s location.”
“My wife and I got into an argument, and I don’t want her sharing her location anymore with her mother or family 24/7.”
“She is calling me controlling and a d**k.”
“I am pointing out it is invading my own privacy… and she needs to cut the strings on her mom.”
Since people have asked… Mom said it on the app, then called my wife (who didn’t answer), and then about an hour later showed up at the hospital.”
“Right after I was done with surgery.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that everyone involved was NOT the a**hole.
“Weird that she thinks you’re controlling, but not her family, who apparently NEED to know where she is every minute. NTA.” ~ Trishanamarandu
“And she can’t see it’s weird that they are actually checking her location on a daily basis rather than in an emergency.”
“Then, making an emergency out of nothing.” ~ TheNinjaPixie
“I made the mistake of ONE TIME sharing my location with my parents when I made the 3-hour drive home from their house because I was sick of getting calls and texts 2hours and 55 minutes later asking… ‘ARE YOU HOME YET?”
“‘ARE YOU HOME?'”
“‘WHERE ARE YOU?'”
“I shared my location so I didn’t have to deal with them after a long drive.”
“My parents are super controlling, and it’s given me a lot of issues around privacy and feeling monitored.”
“They watched my location the entire time like it was a f**king TV show.”
“Every little movement.”
“I got a call when I got off the highway at one point to get gas… ‘WHY DID YOU GET OFF THE HIGHWAY?!'”
“When I was parked at a rest stop because I wanted to sit down and get some food… ‘YOU’VE BEEN SITTING FOR A LONG TIME. WHAT’S WRONG IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR CAR?!?!??????'”
“When I took a different route than they did because it’s what the GPS gave me.”
“I am nearly 40 years old.”
“Now they get upset that I don’t share it, but I told them that until they can learn to be responsible and handle their own feelings, then they don’t get to see my location.”
“I will text them when I am home, which may be 3 hours or it could be 5 or more, depending on what I want to do, because I am an adult.”
“I don’t need to tell them I stopped for groceries or lunch or anything else, and they can just deal with it.” ~ EpiJade
“NTA. Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I find the whole location tracking thing really invasive, and I am flabbergasted that people don’t mind it.”
“It’s not about having something to hide, it’s about respecting people‘s privacy and not wanting to have Big Brother watching you every second of the day.”
“ETA: to all the people commenting about big brother is already watching.”
“Yes, obviously, we live in a dystopian society where we’re being monitored by our tech overlords.”
“There’s a difference between the existential threat of the government or companies being able to monitor my whereabouts, versus actual people that you know, like your M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] stalking your location.”
“Just because one potential violation exists doesn’t mean we have to accept the other, particularly when there’s only one of them that we have real control over.” ~ fauxrain
“Generational and situational, in my opinion.”
“There are families, such as mine, who used it as a safety if one of us suddenly stopped communicating and became unreachable without warning.”
“For a good while, when I struck out on my own, my folks had access to my location via Find My Friends.”
“If they snooped on me, I never knew it, as I was NEVER questioned or judged about where I went at any given moment.”
“We still use it today, though it’s more manual since now it’s a mix of Android and iPhone users.”
“When I travel, I send a share link to people just in case something happens.”
“If anyone ever used that to interrogate me or someone I was with about where I was, I’d stop using it.”
“That’s an overreach.” ~ devsfan1830
“Yeah — I live alone and have no one who regularly checks in on me.”
“I share my location with my 3 best friends and my dad, only one of them is in close proximity to me.”
“But we all opted to do this naturally — there was no big discussion.”
“I think we all shared our locations once and never turned them back off.”
“But I do have a horror story about tracking friends: this happened to friends of a friend, they were waiting for a buddy to come over and watch a movie.”
“All of a sudden, they saw a post in a neighborhood page about a tree falling on a car, killing the driver.”
“The friends had a bad feeling, so they checked on the location of their friend they were waiting for.”
“The friend’s phone said he was at the morgue, and that’s how they found their friend had died.”
“I think that story is a morbid reason why I keep my location on, but it equally could be a reason not to keep it on.” ~ mastifftimetraveler
“I think it’s a person-by-person thing and how those with access use it.”
“My husband and I have each other’s location, but I might check his once or twice a week if I’m trying to time something for when he is getting home, or check if he has left the store yet, or whatever.”
“I have no idea how often he checks mine, but he doesn’t bring it up, so I am assuming it is something similar.”
“So for us, it’s not a big deal because it doesn’t feel invasive or like we are constantly checking on each other.”
“If my husband messaged me every time I left the house (I work from home) or otherwise demonstrated he was checking it all the time, it would be turned off in a heartbeat.” ~ bug1402
“NTA. You didnʻt make a big deal out of the location tracking until her family made it into a big deal!”
“Her mom tracked you two down at the hospital and told the whole extended family, including ‘your’ parents, that you were in the hospital. WTF!”
“That is a ridiculous invasion of your privacy.”
“Maybe thereʻs a compromise position where your wife turns on location tracking only when she leaves the house alone.”
“But Iʻm really not sure why she thinks everyone needs to know her location all the time in the first place.”
“Sheʻs not a teenager anymore (I assume).” ~ NapalmAxolotl
“NTA. They are not sharing locations theoretically for safety; her mom actually checked her location without reason and invaded your privacy.”
“This is not a safety measure; it’s a spying and controlling device on her mom’s part.” ~ lellyla
“NTA, but the issue isn’t really the location sharing .its the almost stalker behavior of her mother.”
“We have location sharing on for our family, but it’s almost never looked at, and when it is, 9 times out of 10 it’s because we were all getting together to do something and someone is late.”
“Someone would check to see how far out the person is.”
“At a minimum, your wife needs to turn off location sharing when you guys are doing something together.”
“If her mother fusses, then she needs to be told that’s a consequence of showing up to the hospital and then blabbing to everyone.” ~ Outside_Holiday_9997
“NTA. Now that it’s the two of you, you both need to prioritize the family you’ve made, not the family from whence you came.”
“If you are not comfortable with being tracked via proximity to your wife, then she needs to stop the tracking when you are together.”
“She’s welcome to resume when she is by herself.”
“This whole thing is really weird to me – why do grown adults need to share their location with other grown adults constantly?”
“I don’t get it.” ~ your-mom04605
“Yeah, creepy.”
“Personally, I think all location sharing is weird, but if it was just that, I’d say it’s your wife’s call.”
“But it’s being abused, and it’s affecting you at this point. NTA.” ~ ConflictGullible392
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
This is a blatant invasion of your privacy.
You don’t want to be tracked.
You have every right to feel this way.
You and your wife have quite the marital impasse on your hands.