The time following the birth of a baby is very emotional.
Physically, emotionally, spiritually… new parents are feeling all of the feels.
So it’s always nice when they can get some assistance.
But sometimes, the best type of help one can give is no help at all.
And that request can cause some family friction.
Case in point…
Redditor Certain_Fan_3991 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling M[other] I[n] L[aw] I was mad she brought food I can’t eat and give it away?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“F[emale] 27 I had my first baby six days ago.”
“My birth went well, but I am still recovering, in quite a bit of pain, and have been very sensitive emotionally since giving birth.”
“My husband (M[ale] 27) and I told our families that we’d likely have no visitors for the first 1-2 weeks, just to set expectations.”
“But privately, the two of us decided that we would play it by ear and see how we felt.”
“Our second day home with our baby was really rough on me, and all I wanted was my mom to comfort and help me, so my husband and I decided to call my mom and have her come over.”
“She was such a major help, both emotionally and with the baby, so we had her come by every other day since.”
“She went above and beyond to help us.”
“Also, my bestie and her husband live down the street and have been dropping off meals/treats and walking our dog for us, but I don’t consider that visiting as much as favors/errands.”
“MIL found out about my mom’s visits and was very upset, so we decided to have her over for a brief visit, day six postpartum.”
“She said they’d bring food and arrived around dinner time.”
“I have Celiac disease, so I cannot eat gluten.”
“MIL brought homemade lasagna, pasta salad, muffins, and two types of cookies, all full gluten, and explained to me that she was sorry, but she had limited notice and only had time to make my husband’s favorites.”
“I immediately started crying and my husband thanked his mom but took me to the other room and told me he’d take care of it and ordered us delivery on the spot.”
“I composed myself, introduced MIL/F[ather] I[n] L[aw] to the baby, and then MIL made another comment about how she wished she could’ve brought food for me, but it was just so time-consuming and burdensome to make things gluten-free.”
“I snapped and told her she was rude and told her I was angry.”
“Toward the end of the visit, my B[est] F[riend]’s husband knocked on the door to come walk our dog and, to my surprise, brought us a homemade gluten-free tiramisu.”
“I started crying (again) and thanked him profusely, and he told us it was no problem and ‘surprisingly easy to make.'”
“MIL was pissed because she realized that they’d been coming by and started complaining about how wrong this all was because she had to wait six days to see the baby and was ‘faced with [my] anger.'”
“My husband took my baby from her, and FIL snapped at her to drop it.”
“They stayed and chatted for a short while, and when bestie’s husband came back to drop our dog off, I sent him home with one of the batches of cookies MIL brought, which upset MIL.”
“MIL has been texting/calling and trying to rally people against me since.”
“My husband has my back and even went the next day to drop off almost all the rest of the gluten food to our friends, and he told me to block MIL’s number if she kept harassing me.”
“I don’t really feel like I was the a**hole, but I’m also extremely emotional and sensitive to everything right now and am not sure I’m reacting to things in general reasonably at this time.”
“Most of my in-laws are mad at me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My husband just made me G[luten]F[ree] lasagna for my birthday (gluten intolerant, not celiac, but wicked rough reactions).”
“He is a novice in the kitchen (has a few recipes that are amazing but limited experience overall) and said it was so easy to follow the recipe using the recommended brown rice noodles.”
“NTA–even without birthing hormones, that would feel like a slap in the face to me.”
“I also dealt with an ex-MIL who called me by the wrong name repeatedly when I had been married to her son well over a year and was eight months pregnant with their first grandchild.”
“So you have my sympathies on MIL’s being wretched.”
“Sending hugs your way, and I am so happy your hubby has your back and you have a great support system otherwise!” ~ TalesFromTheBarkside
“My relatively new husband has a bunch of dietary requirements, including no gluten, and we were really touched because of my very staid, not-particularly-affectionate grandfather, who has only managed to meet him a small handful of times (wider family drama, not relevant), got us a bunch of foodstuff for Christmas all of which could be eaten by my husband.”
“If he can manage it, OP’s MIL has no excuse whatsoever.” ~ Tatterjacket
“Sometimes you just need your Mama to let you know it will be okay and help you or stroke your forehead while you cry about a meal.”
“When I had my babies, there were times I preferred my Mama.”
“I had a great husband and really involved, but mess his sleep up, he gets cranky.”
“My Mama slept very little.”
“Plus, your MIL just didn’t even think about it.”
“She ran out of time because she didn’t have the right ingredients and forgot until it was too late.”
“Yes, she should have remembered and not been jealous.”
“There is so much sickness around right now I would do window views only.”
“Seriously, it is hitting kids hard with all kinds of respiratory junk.”
“That first month is hard.”
“She should have just said I am so sorry I just blanked out and ordered you something or made something.”
“I would have berated myself personally online.” ~ Lowebear
“As far as I know, my mom’s parents come first because mom just gave birth and needs the support of her (chosen) family.”
“Only after that come others.”
“And with MIL showing this type of behavior, they’d be getting bumped down the list even more for a second visit.”
“Hell, I’d let the neighbors five blocks down come sooner than MIL. NTA OP.”
“Take care of yourself!” ~ Awkward_Kind89
“So she purposely set you up to starve.”
“This was a pretty obvious power play on her part.”
“She was testing you and your husband to see what you would accept from her, and when you did not meekly accept her abuse, she threw herself a pity party.”
“From now on, openly assume she will not accommodate you.”
“Have your husband refuse her offers of food with ‘Oh, we know you find my wife’s dietary needs too difficult to accommodate, so we’ll just take care of that as we would hate to have to throw away whatever you bring.'”
“And if she tells you something is GF, have him say, ‘Well, we would hate for you to have inadvertently included something with gluten in this. After all, we know how hard you find GF cooking to be.'” ~ Historical_Agent9426
“Honestly, I would be going zero contact for that.”
“She is purposely and maliciously doing three things.”
“Making life difficult for new parents.”
“Insulting her daughter-in-law.”
“And making a brand new mother go hungry, which is literally taking food out of her new grandchild’s mouth because you are also eating for two still if you are GF (no judgment if not… No formula-shaming coming from our house…).” ~ Bainsyboy
“May I just add I’m so glad you have such a supportive husband?”
“I’m always so sad when husbands side with their mamas to ‘keep the peace’ or ‘she didn’t mean it/know better.'”
“Your hubs KNEW she was being shi**y, and the fact that he’s encouraging you to block her means he’s trying to protect you from her drama and attempts to hurt you.”
“Silence her and any other family that uses this to hurt you when you’re at your most vulnerable (both emotionally and physically).” ~ TunaThePanda
“You hit the nail on the head.”
“Then when OP was upset, she ‘rallied’ the rest of the family.”
“Which is exactly what you do when you’re a new grandmother.”
“Start harassing a woman who has just given birth.”
“Block the lot of them and enjoy your baby and the company of supportive friends. NTA.” ~ Dogmother123
“Exactly! And honestly, if she actually cared, there’s plenty of options to buy pre-made gluten-free food.”
“She could’ve at least made an effort!”
“This was an obvious dig at not getting to see the baby as early as OP’s mom.”
“She’s just jealous.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ FinishCharacter7175
“NTA – YIKES!!”
“I’m glad your husband has your back because she seems like a piece of work.”
“Even IF it was a burden to make gluten-free food (it is not), prioritizing his favorites right after you had a baby is next-level awful.” ~ CassieW309
“NTA. She’s rude as f**k.”
“She only had time to make her son’s favorites?”
“Did he push her grandchild out of his penis?”
“I don’t think so!”
“I’m ten years postpartum, and I’m so mad at your story it’s like I’m full of hormones, too.”
“F**k that lady and her stupid cookies too.” ~ StacyB125
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You’re going through a lot.
It sounds like you may need to draw some hard lines with your MIL.
Her son and husband may need to give her a talking-to.
It’s wonderful that you have your husband’s support.
Stay strong and take care.
Congrats on the baby.