A person’s finances are private, and we should be able to agree that how they use their funds should be their decision.
But some people have big ideas about how others should spend their money, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwRAashl felt corned by his mother and stepsister to pay for his stepsister’s wedding after he had paid for his biological sister’s.
When they didn’t appreciate his reasoning, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being petty.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for only paying for my biological sister’s wedding and not for my stepsister’s wedding?”
The OP didn’t have the best relationship with his mother.
“So my (29 [male]) mom got divorced from my dad when I was 6 years old and my sister was 8 years old.”
“She didn’t want anything to do with us, and she eventually got remarried to a guy who had a daughter 1 year younger than me.”
“Our dad never remarried and it was later that we found out that she cheated on dad with the guy she married.”
“But she got back in contact with us when my sister turned 18 and has been in contact with us since.”
“And I have to admit she has been a good mother ever since, and we have a good relationship with our half-sister also.”
Despite family tensions, the OP did well for himself.
“Now before going any further, I must disclose that I was one of the founders of an app which was bought by a big private equity fund and I got a high 8-figures settlement as a result.”
“Also, I was a very early investor in Bitcoin, so from that also I earned massive profit.”
“Suffice it to say, I am very well to do.”
“So, my sister decided to get married earlier this year and I paid for the whole ceremony.”
“It cost be around 80k in total, which was no issue as I can afford it and my sister was very happy, which is what matters in the end.”
The OP was then pressured to do the same for his stepsister.
“But now my stepsister is getting married next month and she called me to say that I should help her with expenses for her wedding.”
“I refused, why would I pay for her wedding?”
“But then my mom called me and said that I shouldn’t discriminate between my two sisters.”
“Like wtf (what the f**k)? I only have one.”
“Mom says that since my stepsister and her fiancee are not very well to do, I should help them.”
“I told her that just because I paid for my own sister’s wedding, it doesn’t mean that I would pay for the wedding of the daughter of the guy she left us for.”
“But she said that I am being petty.”
“My sister and dad are on my side.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had the right to spend his money however he wished.
“You gotta love the relatives that come out of the woodworks when someone gets a little bit of money /s (ends sarcastic comment).”
“So mom cheats, leaves dad, and pops up 10 years later (when the oldest is conveniently an adult). Doesn’t matter if she was a good mom ever since – methinks there is still resentment there, and the fact that mom and stepsis are demanding money for a wedding… well…”
“Naw, OP. Your money, not theirs. You have less than 0 obligations to pay for anyone’s wedding, regardless of relation.” – runningwithkimchi
“OP wasn’t the one who showed favoritism for 10 years to another child while ignoring her own.”
“OP has been kind enough to maintain a relationship with his mother and step-sister despite the betrayal his mother put him and his sister through. He has given more than owed by simply allowing them into his life.”
“OP NTA. You did well for yourself despite the things you faced and provided something for your sister that she may not have gotten otherwise.”
“Stepsister is not your responsibility, and in fact, still has two parents of her own to provide for her.” – PrincessSl*tF**k
“You paid for your sister’s wedding using your own money. Your sister was and is a part of your life.”
“Your stepsister has nothing to do with you and her demanding that you ‘help out’ for her wedding is ridiculous. She’s not even remotely related to you. It’s your money to do what you want with.”
“She’s 28 years old. If she and her fiancé ‘are not very well to do,’ then it doesn’t sound like they should be having an expensive wedding, and them expecting someone else to pay for it is ridiculous.”
“Like you said, why would you pay for her wedding?” – 7212gopew
Others said the stepsister and mother were acting entitled.
“NTA. Your money, your call as to who gets it.”
“Also, your stepsister coming to you and actually asking for the money is seriously ballsy and tacky.” – NUT-me-SHELL
“Had she nicely asked for like 10k, I maybe wouldn’t have thought it was too tacky, they have apparently had a decent relationship for 13 years (not that OP should have felt obligated to even do that just saying the request would seem semi-reasonable).”
“But the approach and the subsequent attitude here were both appalling.” – NancyNuggets
“The demands by Stepsister and Mom are really off-putting. Why don’t people realize that this approach not only backfires at the moment but can have long-term relationship consequences?”
“Parents who remarry also have to accept that they cannot impose their view of their new family on their children from the previous family.”
“OP seems a generous sort. A nice ask for a little financial support for the wedding, recognizing the difference in position between sister and stepsister, and advising that a declination would be understandable, and might well have garnered a gift to help out.”
“But no. They had to go for the aggressive demand.” – Curious-One4595
Because of the criticism he received from his mother, the OP thought he might have been acting petty toward his stepsister, but the subReddit didn’t think so.
He had money that he could decide how to spend. Demanding some of that money out of the blue is just plain rude, never mind that it wouldn’t even be for an immediately related family member.