Money plays a big part in all relationships.
Everyone does a good try of trying to pretend it doesn’t, but it pops up often.
Figuring out financial splitting always gets awkward.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for inviting my (29 M[ale]) Girlfriend (28 F[emale]) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her)…”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello. My girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago.”
“My brother and I were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input.”
“For background, I make around $150,000k as an [I]nformation [T]echnology consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k.”
“My parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law.”
“My girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it.”
“We have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together.”
“There were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc.”
“She also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget.”
“My family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places.”
“My parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.”
“When we got home I asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day.”
“I mentioned how I heard her stomach growling one night and said I was concerned about her having an eating disorder.”
“She got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn’t fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings).”
“She said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed.”
“She also said she doesn’t know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her.”
“I feel bad that I did not pick up on her discomfort sooner.”
“But we did agree to split everything 50/50 and I don’t know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. You make three times what she does.”
“You knew she had to take a second job to be able to go.”
“You planned the holiday/the activities.”
“She even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day.”
“Don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you.”
“I think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all.”
“She probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals.” ~ Sleepy_felines
“Absolutely YTA.”
“She got a second job JUST to afford the trip! you probably could have saved her expenses in a few months and instead she had to skip meals just to spend time with your family.”
“Do you expect her to do this the rest of your lives?”
“Also 50/50 is only fair when both parties make roughly the same amount.”
“It takes her nearly THREE YEARS to make your yearly salary.”
“I get that it’s hard to sympathize when you’re not able to experience the situation for yourself but maybe try talking to her with an open mind and see if this situation actually works or if she’s just trying to please you.” ~ LostMyPhone-Again
“100% this. “
“People who split things 50/50 when they don’t have similar incomes have toxic relationships.”
“OP either enjoys his power trip of being more wealthy than his gf and not assisting her or is so freaking out of touch that he doesn’t even notice her suffering.”
“Either way major YTA and overall not great bf behavior.”
“My husband makes 4x my salary.”
“If we split things equally by $$ I would be broke every day and our lifestyle would be very limited.”
“But since we are partners we find it much healthier to contribute an equal percentage so that it’s fair to the scale of our respective incomes.” ~ Sea_Petal
“Unfortunately I’ve also noticed a disproportionate number of engineer/IT types think that their exorbitant salaries are based on their true worth because the market knows who deserves money.”
“And thus since teachers make so much less they must not have worthy jobs or work very hard, seriously—I’ve been told this multiple times with a straight face and it’s just so wild each time.”
“Sometimes it even comes with a side of ‘well teachers should just be smarter.'”
“OP, you’re a total AH, and the world is seriously screwed up that your G[irl]F[riend] makes so little.”
“But for you to be this d**kish on a vacation she got an extra job for is really next level.” ~ Archandincorrigible
“I make nearly 3xs what my husband does.”
“Guess what we do? Split costs proportionally based on our incomes.
Household bills? 66/34 Vacation? 66-34.”
“The only exception is our cars.”
“You buy it, you are responsible for the payments and need to make sure it’s in your budget.”
“Strong YTA. “ ~ MNVixen
“My heart broke for this girl.”
“Not only did she work extra jobs just to afford to go along, when she got there, much of what was offered was beyond her means.”
“So much so that he could hear her stomach grumbling?”
“And then he has the unmitigated GALL to ASK HER about it on the idea that she might have a f***ing eating disorder??”
“And he’s afraid he might not have been attuned to his girlfriend and her finances.”
“Because, after all, they have agreed to split everything 50/50.”
“YTA… doesn’t being to approach the depth of a**holery going on here.”
“Not just from the OP though he absolute gets the lion’s share but also from the rest of his family.”
“She needs to wipe her tears and kick this one to the curb to sit with the rest of the trash.”
“And that’s as civil as I can get.” ~ logirl1975
“YTA. Dude come on, your gf had to take a second job to keep up with your family.”
“You heard her stomach yet you didn’t think she may not have the cash?”
“God, you’re not the brightest are you.”
“You make over 100,000 more than her and don’t even treat her to a holiday.”
“Ya it’s not going to work.”
“You’re blind to your gfs struggling. Help her.” ~ REDDIT
“OP makes me pretty angry.”
“He gets to save and have enough money to spend on whatever, whenever he wants, while his girlfriend is struggling just to be able to afford her share of things.”
“Yes, going 50/50 might have worked out in the beginning of their relationship, but when the income disparity is that big, you need to adjust the agreement.”
“Why should she be the one to live up to his desires, when he so clearly doesn’t care about hers?”
“YTA, OP. Just reading your post again, I don’t think you actually care about your girlfriend at all.” ~ frustrated_away8
“YTA 100%.”
“She went because she loves your stupid a**.”
“She worked a second job and went hungry to be with you and your family.”
“Maybe you and your family should have some empathy and consider that not everyone is making six figures.”
“Teachers are drastically underpaid for their education and often have to take a second job.”
“Public servants who teach children are devalued and in this case her own boyfriend AND his family couldn’t care less that she was making huge sacrifices to attend.”
“Your job is to be a good partner. You failed.” ~ Historical-Ad1493
“YTA and other commenters have done a good job of explaining why so I’m just going to respond to you ‘I don’t know why she agreed to come’ line.”
“Uh… because you’re her boyfriend and she wants a life with you rather than two separate lives due to your income disparity?”
“She’s right.”
“This is never going to work long term if you can’t either…”
“A) partially pay for her or…”
“B) reduce the cost of the things you do so that she can afford to pay her portion.”
“Where exactly do you see this going otherwise?”
“This girl worked two jobs and ate 2 meals a day to spend a vacation with you and your family and all you can say is ‘well she just should have stayed home?'” ~ strikingfirefly
“Forget being YTA , you made your girl work an extra job and left her starving in her room alone…”
“As her BF you didn’t once feel the need to take care of her?”
“You literally left your women hungry and alone…. who does that to the person they love.”
“I hope she leaves your a**.” ~ Sumiko25
Well OP, Reddit has some serious issues with your story.
It maybe time for you and your GF to have a heart to heart about how this works going forward.
Good luck.