Sharing a space with someone else can be challenging.
Married people struggle with this constantly, finding small irritations that become massive issues.
The strain can be even greater when no one planned on living together in the first place.
So, what happens when the challenge of making a space a space comfortable for everyone seems to be insurmountable?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Throw55257765 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked,
“AITA for asking my friend to move a picture of him and his wife because it made my wife uncomfortable?”
OP began with some sad news.
“Me (Male 32) and my wife, Dahlia (Female, 28) lost our apartment 2 months ago and moved in with mom temporarily.”
“Issues began to arise between Dahlia and mom and I had to ask my friend, Anthony (M31) to let us move in til I get enough money to rent out.”
“His wife was away visiting family and he agreed but even there, some issues started to arise.”
“Fyi, Dahlia is very shy around Anthony.”
“She grew up in a conservative home and so it’s understandable, but sometimes it can be a bit much I admit that!”
“For example, she freaked out when she accidentally drank from his glass, she also once made a fuss when he passed by the guests’ room when she was lying down and the door was open.”
“Thankfully, Anthony was super understanding and we were able to talk some of these issues out.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Last night, Dahlia was passing the hall and noticed a framed picture of Anthony and his wife kissing hanging on the wall.”
“She told me about it and said it made her uncomfortable.”
“She asked if I could speak to Anthony about it but he didn’t take it well.”
“He gave me a look when I spoke to him and said this was ‘bonkers’ because first of all, his wife put it there.”
“And second of all, the picture holds sentimental meaning to him and his wife and argued that it wasn’t some ‘explicit’ picture of them, just a normal wedding kiss.”
“We started arguing and he said that it wasn’t like it was hanging in the living room wall or a perfectly lit room.”
“I asked him to be a little more considerate because it’s not like I asked him to remove it completely,”
“Just move it elsewhere that Dahlia won’t reach or keep it off the wall til we leave.”
“He said he was sorry but still refused.”
“I explained how Dahlia was feeling but he said that again, he was sorry but would not move the picture.”
“We argued some more and he said that it’s his house and that I was being pushy and kind of too comfortable to make such ‘demand’ and be pushy still.”
“This morning, Dahlia refused to even come out of the room until the picture is moved.”
“Anthony is refusing which makes it worse.”
“Now I feel like I’m getting stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“Yes she might just be overreacting but I feel like this isn’t such a big ask for Anthony to decline and turn down. If it were me, I’d go the extra mile to make sure my guests are comfortable.”
OP closed with a reminder of how close this friendship is.
“Anthony has been a friend of mine for 10 years.”
“I wouldn’t have asked to move in with him if I didn’t have such a strong bond with him.”
“He himself constantly talks about all the things and situations I helped him out with and we are considered brothers.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some responses pointed out how odd the wife’s behavior was.
“YTA and so is your wife.”
“You’re in their home.”
“Your friend is doing you a huge favor and this is what he gets in return?”
“Your wife is being weird as f*ck. You’re enabling/coddling her. Find somewhere else to live if you’re going to behave like that.” ~ loxidaro
“YTA and this is a deeply unreasonable request from your wife. I simply do not know what else to tell you” ~ Background-Aioli4709
“I agree.”
“I’m speechless with such entitlement from OP and his wife.”
“And she’s refusing to leave the room until her crazy demands are met?”
“OP, one question, considering you will be homeless soon, does the guest room has a direct exit to the street? Your wife will need it.”
“You can leave through the front door though when you get kicked out.”
“The entitlement, wow!” ~ Iataaddicted25
“‘She also once made a fuss when he passed by the guest’s room when she was lying down and the door was open.'”
“Can we hone in on this for a second??”
“This is genuinely the worst part of the whole story.”
“She was mad that he was walking through his own house?!”
“Why didn’t she close the door if it bothered her?”
“She is clearly going out of her way to find offense. She is setting things up for a confrontation.”
“This is way beyond some ultra-conservative leanings. This is like being intentionally inconsiderate.”
“I am flabbergasted.” ~ heyimdong
Others thought there might be ulterior motives.
“YTA, and your wife seems to be systematically driving wedges between you and important people in your life.”
“Maybe that’s worth examining. If Dahlia has issues with everyone in her sphere, I promise she’s the issue.” ~ magstar222
“Yeah this ‘sensitivity’ thing totally smells like it could be a covert narcsissist situation… victimizing themselves over random or trivial things to bring attention/coddling towards them.”
“Been there.” ~ Lehster
“Yeah.”
“OP blames his wife’s ‘conservative background’ but that’s not what this is about.”
“It’s a dominance thing from the wife.”
“She’s trying to assert dominance in another person’s home by asking for something ‘simple’ then refusing to leave the bedroom because her attempt at dominating has proven futile.” ~ Comprehensive_Air980
“I suspect it’s to isolate OP by burning his bridges with everyone he has a close relationship with, in order to have complete control over him.”
“It’s classic emotionally abusive behaviour, and she definitely sounds like she fits the bill, given her passive-aggressive outbursts and ridiculous demands.” ~ Darkcharmer
Commenters doubted this living situation would last.
“YTA”
“He’s nice enough to let you live at his house—for free—and you’re asking him to redecorate for you? Of all the nerve.”
“And your wife kicked up a fuss when Anthony walked down the hall past her door? It was she who didn’t shut the door, for Pete’s sake.”
“If I were you I’d start packing, because Anthony is about to throw you guys out.” ~ SamSpayedPI
“YTA -“
“First your wife had issues with your Mom, now she’s having issues with Anthony…”
“Sounds like your wife is the real issue.”
“From your title, I was expecting your hosts to have a semi-nude or nude portrait in the guest room.”
“But, no, she’s freaking out over a standard wedding kiss pose in the hallway?”
“Please, child!”
“You need to hurry & get your own place. I think you’re lucky Anthony didn’t ask you to leave immediately.” ~ RiskBig3301
Others pointed out the precarious position they are in.
“They’re not guests.”
“Guests are invited by the host to stay somewhere that is not their primary place of residence.”
“People who ask if they can move in because they have nowhere else to go are beggars or charity cases, but not guests.”
“Not shaming them for being in that situation, but it’s a completely different thing to being a guest.”
“Surely she has to be doing this on purpose?”
“Is she trying to box him into a corner where they have no other option but her family or something like that?”
“If you are doing something in your bedroom that you are uncomfortable with others seeing, you don’t forget to close the door.”
“How can you blame someone else because you took a sip of their drink?”
“The thing about the picture almost seems the most reasonable and it’s still insane. The first two seem like traps that she set up on purpose.” ~ MediumSympathy
“I’m glad someone else pointed out the ‘guest’ issue.”
“I was reading that thinking that there was a misunderstanding of the word ‘guest’ somewhere.”
“And even if I invited someone to stay with me and they were uncomfortable about a wedding picture (that doesn’t seem like it is in a main location of the house), I still don’t think I would move it.” ~ Storm_Pristine
Commenters took notice of the underlying pattern.
“YTA.”
“Let me guess, the issues you had staying with your mother had everything to do with your wife being absolutely ridiculous?”
“This isn’t about being from a ‘conservative home,’ so what is really going on here? Was she raised in a cult, is she affiliated with some fringe religious group?”
“Seriously, you’re staying in THEIR home and throwing a fit over him… Kissing his wife in a photo?”
“And your wife is throwing a fit and refusing to leave her room until they take down their perfectly normal wedding photo?”
“And your comment about just doing it to keep guests happy is so baffling given the situation.”
“Like, the photo isn’t the issue here. And it’s not the only problem that’s already happened.”
“So, your wife also freaked out after accidentally taking a sip of his water, does this mean he’s also not supposed to drink water in his own home to keep her comfortable?”
“And then she got all upset because he had the audacity to walk past the door, which she had left open, while she just happened to be sitting on the bed.”
“So, he’s also not allowed to walk through his home. What else is he not going to be allowed to do in his own house, breathe?”
“It would be bad enough if you were just guests that were visiting for a weekend, but this guy was extremely generous to allow the two of you to stay there while you figure out your financial burden.”
“You’re not even guests in the traditional sense, you’re basically just roommates who aren’t contributing financially. And this is how you treat him for taking you into his home?”
“What is really going on with your wife?”
“And why are you enabling this atrocious behavior and extreme entitlement?”
“You letting her continue with her childish tantrum, in SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME, is making you as much of an a**hole as your wife.”
“Though, I do wonder if there’s an underlying mental illness behind your wife’s behavior.”
“You keep this up you’re going to need another place to stay. And I’m sure that your wife will inevitably get you kicked out of the next place, and the place after that.” ~ Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Remember that it can be incredibly difficult to share space and sometimes grace and patience are needed, while other times, boundaries are vital to keeping your space safe.