Woman Ditches Her Husband At Restaurant After He Takes Over Thirty Minutes In The Bathroom

It's understandable that an issue in the bathroom might be a little embarrassing to discuss with someone else. But if it's often, one might think you'd bring it up with your spouse.

Redditor Alabama103____'s husband has been using the restroom for a long time lately. Normally this is done at home, but when he does the same at a restaurant, the original poster (OP) takes a stand that leaves her wondering if she was wrong.

She asked the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit the titular question after she left her husband by himself at the restaurant.

Her question was:

"AITA for leaving my husband at the restaurant and going home?"

This was what led to OP getting fed up:

"My husband 'Justin' started spending a lot of time inside the bathroom after we moved into our new home....We're talking 45min for just 'peeing' 4-5 times a day."

"It's so irritating but since he uses the guests bathroom, this only annoyed me when I'm waiting for him to eat or go out or do anything together or even when we have guests over."

"Days ago, he took me out for dinner after he got off work. We get to the restaurant, Sat at the table and look at the menu."

"Once the waitress came and took our orders. Justin started looking around saying he needed to go to the restroom. I felt something was wrong and kept worrying about him wanting to use the restroom and staying there for a long time."

"So before he went, I gently reminded him that we were at a restaurant therefor he shouldn't take too long inside the restroom. he made a face and told me to knock it off because he'd be back in a minute."

"10 minutes passed and I felt annoyed. Another 8 or so passed and he was still in there. I literally started calling his phone and texting him to get out when our order arrived."

"I was getting fed up and the food was getting cold so I entered the men's restroom looking embarrassed as hell and coming behind each door asking if he was in there. Til he replied that he'd be out in few seconds."

"I went back to the table and started eating after over 5 minutes of waiting. I called his phone one last time after I was finished but he hung up on me."

"I was very very upset I just asked the waitress to split the bill, paid, left a tip and walked out. I got home by uber (I can't drive for my medical condition) and nearly 20 minutes later Justin got home looking upset asking what the heck I just did."

"He asked why I left him there and went home all a sudden. I told him he was taking too much time in the restroom and had me wait for nearly 40min while dinner was cold and I was starving."

"He pitched a fit and gave a lecture about how selfish I was to abandon him there even though I called and he hung up but he said his battery died."

"He said he thought our meal was going to take time so he went to use the restroom and I should've waited for him a little longer after I notified him about the meal but I was too selfish."

"I snapped and said this will in fact be the last time we go out for dinner if he's going to act like that. This was irrating not just for me but the public as well, Imagine keeping the restroom busy for 40 minutes where customers need it. Thank goodness the place wasn't packed."

"I told him that and he gave me the nastiest look I've ever seen and said I was at fault for leaving and ruining our dinner together. he said he was only upset that I paid for my dinner even though he was the one who invited me out."

"Should I have just waited?"

OP came back and updated with a little more context:

"Edit to say that he doesn't have a medical condition, otherwise I would've mentioned it. And yes he takes his phone with him every time."

"Edit 2 I forgot to mention our ages. I'm 28 and he's 32. We've been married for over a year."

The AITA board has posters ask if they were wrong for whatever action they took in their situation. They'll explain the situation and receive judgement from the other commenters.

The commenters do this by including one of the following in their response:

• NTA – Not the A**hole
• YTA – You're the A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many commenters couldn't believe the actions of OP's husband. It's one thing to take over half an hour on the toilet regularly at home, but to do this at a restaurant?

OP wasn't wrong to leave, especially after giving her husband so many chances.

"NTA - being in the toilet for 45+ minutes every time you go is not normal."

"He's either going on his phone on apps like TikTok, and is losing track of time; he's developed a serious medical condition, in which case he needs to see a doctor; or he's engaging is some form of sexual activity, such as watching p*rn and m*sturb*ting or having an (online) affair, and uses going to the toilet as an excuse or opportunity to do this."

"Whichever it is, he's not being 100% honest with you, and you should not have to be forced to sit in a restaurant for 40+ minutes waiting for him to finish using the restroom." - TooTall2Function

"NTA. Justin is behaving in a pretty suspicious way. That's a long time to spend in the bathroom at home, let alone a restaurant." – lihzee

"Nta. He either need a urologist for his bladder problems or a shrink for his phone addiction."

"Either way, he needs professional help" - RubyRedSunset

"There's enough comments about this being a clear issue, so I'll add something else… on what world does he think a restaurant takes 45 minutes to prepare food?" - TheRedJester45

OP is absolutely convinced there isn't any kind of medical issue with her husband, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have other information. There's one bit of information that led many to conclude the same thing.

She forgot to mention that 'Justin' had an affair in the past.

"INFO: when you went into the men's restroom and he heard your voice did he sound flustered at all/did you hear any videos going on in the background?"

"It's possible he's addicted to porn or masturbation and is doing that in the bathroom."

"Maybe next time he tries this try asking him to leave his phone with you, if he rejects this it's possible he either has a smartphone addiction and loses track of time, or has a porn addiction." – carissadraws

"To answer your question. No I did not hear any noise coming from inside. When he spoke to me, he was very quiet and I barely heard what he said."

"I tried asking if he had to take his phone with him a number of time and he turned this into an argument about my trust issue. He had an affair while we were engaged and he was out of the country."

"Whenever I bring up the phone into the conversation. He'd claim that I don't trust him and that I'm refusing to let go of what he did in the past." - Alabama103____ (OP)

"I hate to be that person but knowing he has a history of infidelity is huge information, huge enough that I would honestly add it to the post as an edit. I'm so sorry." - beaute-brune

"So he cheated in the past and now he's gaslighting you into thinking you're crazy for questioning his objectively sketchy behaviour.... he clearly didn't learn his lesson from the cheating about not lying to his partner."

"You KNOW he's lying to you. You KNOW he's hiding something from you. I'm willing to bet he's cheating on you, but even if not you know he's not being truthful."

"This should be a massive red flag to you and you should reconsider the relationship." – NKDouglas

Whether or nor Justin is cheating, we can't know for sure. But it certainly seems like he's hiding something from OP, and his past doesn't bode well for his present.

OP needs to confront Justin or be willing to walk away. And Justin needs to come clean with whatever is the reason he's taking so long in the bathroom, even if it's just a medical issue.