We’d like to think that we no longer live in a world of gender stereotypes and outdated expectations—that men should always be the providers and women should always be the domestics.
And while this thankfully isn’t the case with all households any more, there are still some people who very much believe that this is the way things should be.
A recent Redditor and her husband both worked to support their family.
But the husband’s schedule allowed him to enjoy a drink or two with friends at a bar after work, while the original poster (OP) was left to cook dinner for the family.
If this arrangement already annoyed the OP, a recent request from her husband exacerbated her frustrations.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not texting my husband when dinner is ready?”
While the OP acknowledged that her husband certainly pulls his weight when it came to their house and kids, a request from her husband left her feeling very frustrated, as or more frustrated as he did when she refused to acquiesce.Â
“Ok so I (36 F[emale]) WFH.”
“My husband (38 M[ale]) works in construction.”
“We both do 8 hour days but he is off work about 2.5 hours before me bc he starts earlier.”
“He picks up the kids from school and then goes to the gym and/or the bar down the street.
“Think like a Cheers situation where old guys get off work sit around nursing beers and watching sports, everybody knows your name situation.”
“This is a more recent routine for him.”
“He asks that I text him when dinner is done.”
“This annoys me right off the bat bc it is a lot everyday to get off work, open the door to your office, and immediately be thrown into watching kids and figuring out dinner.”
“So to think about him casually sipping a beer and then just popping up to enjoy a hot meal doesn’t sit right with me.”
“He asked again today and got annoyed when I said no.”
“He thinks I am being an AH bc it takes no energy for me to just text him and doesn’t see the issue.”
“Plus when he is here he doesn’t really help me cook so what’s the difference.”
“I feel like you already avoided all the work associated with the meal, asking for a special alert for dinner on top of that is outrageous, especially when you already know I’m cooking and you live here.”
“Plus when he is here, while he might not help, he sits at the kitchen island and we chat.”
“So maybe I am the AH bc I would rather he be here and am being bitter about the text thing.”
“IDK, is this a normal request?”
“I know this is pretty petty but we just can’t seem to see eye to eye so I thought I’d open it up to the Reddit community.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP should not feel obligated to text her husband that dinner is ready while he was out at the bar and was not the a**hole for refusing to do so.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s husband was so concerned about being home for dinner on time, he could get home and help his wife make dinner, rather than kick back a few with friends at the bar.
“NTA.”
“This would bother me too.”
“Maybe tell him you would be happy to take turns.”
“You might enjoy hanging out at the bar every other day, sipping beer while his lordship whips up a meatloaf.”
“See what he thinks about that.”- NotThisAgain234
“NTA.”
“I think it doesn’t sit right for a lot of reasons that have been mentioned, but the request for a text communicates ‘I don’t want to be at home a single second longer than I must be, so please alert me so I can maximize my away time’.”- appydawg
“Some restaurants do this.”
“When you come in, they give you a pager, and when your table is ready, they page you.”
“He has mistaken you for one of those restaurants.’
“NTA.”- onmyknees4anyone
“NTA and I’m angry on your behalf.”
“He can wrangle the kids while you cook dinner.”
“Or he can do some housework.”- WallabyInTraining
“NTA.”
“But the issue isn’t whether you text or not.”
“The issue is that he isn’t spending time with his kids or you and is instead sitting around drinking.”
“So you need to talk to him about that and make it clear it isn’t acceptable.”
“If he wants a couple nights a week where he goes to the bar after the kids are in bed that’s one thing, but every day between work and dinner?”
“Nope.”- poeadam
“NTA.”
“I used to cook and call for the family and be ignored.”
“I got tired of it- cook, call for the family, wait, shrug, eat dinner clean up and chill with a book and glass of wine.”
“Family gets mad bc dinner wasn’t ‘ready’.”
“It was ready, y’all didn’t get off your butts.”
“Kitchen’s closed.”
“I still face palm that it took 15 times before they got it.”- Notdoingitanymore
“NTA.”
“He can cook every other day and text you when it’s done so you can relax a bit.”
“On your days, you’ll text him.”- MrsJingles0729
“NTA.”
“He is avoiding your limited family time in favor of going to Cheers.”
“Not okay.”- warrinerdot
“NTA.”
“He’s not a little kid, he’s a grown a** man and should be home if he wants a hot dinner.”-Anthonysmom2016
“When I cook, which is 80% of the time, and the rest of the family is around the house, I get very pissed off if anyone thinks I should announce dinner.”
“They know I’m in the kitchen.”
“They know it’s dinner time.”
“It’s the same drill as yesterday.”
“You want my cooking?”
“You better show some interest.”
“NTA.”- Fred2718
“Are you his f*cking handmaid?”
“He can come home and make you dinner too, every other night.”
“Wants a special alert text.”
“Why?”
“So he only has to be there for just dinner?”
“But not any earlier?”
“Cuz he might accidentally have to interact with you or the kids?”
“You have serious marital problems.”
“NTA.”- blacksheep9595
“NTA.”
“He can either help watch the kids while you cook or help you cook if he wants to eat.”
“He isn’t the king that gets called to the table while the serving wench waits on him.”- winesis
“NTA.”
“He is not your child.”
“Tell him what you said here.”- 1955photo
“Four step plan.”
“Step one: take kids to parents for night.”
“Step two: put sprig of parsley on your butt crack.”
“Step three: text husband dinner is ready.”
“Step four: tell husband he can eat your entire a**.”
“NTA.”- MxXylda
“It’s disrespectful he is treating you like staff like a hostess beeping him when his reservation is ready.”- RunawayMama11
“Why doesn’t he cook?”
“Why doesn’t he spend more time with his family?”
“When do you get a break or time to yourself while he’s spending 4hrs a day acting like he doesn’t have a family?”
“NTA.”- Stoney_Wan_KaBlowme
“NTA.”
“If he wants to know when dinner is ready he can just be at home while it’s being cooked, and he should be participating in that effort – he’s not helpless.”
“You’re not his maid.”- RainierCherree
“NTA.”
“I’m sure there’s other work to be done around the house while you’re preparing dinner, even if it’s only watching the kids.”
“Stay home and help = get dinner.”
“Go hang out and wait for the dinner bell = no dinner.”- Natural_Garbage7674
“NTA.”
“If he wants to know when dinner is ready, he can be at home at dinner time instead of a bar.”- Lost-Sea4916
“NTA.”
‘You might as well be single at least if you were separated you would get a few nights a week down time.”- Sea-Ad9057
“NTA.”
“He literally gets to clock out of work and gets ‘him’ time you clock out of work then do more work which isn’t fair.”- Acelley5
“NTA and why does he need to be at the bar after work?”
“Why doesn’t he want to be home after being at work all day?”
“He should come home and help with the kids and maybe help with dinner.”
“I can understand sometimes going to the bar but not all the time.”- IDKguessthisworks
“NTA.”
“And this was, fittingly, directly underneath your post lol. he’s willfully being unhelpful and it’s not wrong of you to at least want his company.”- Additional_Visual777
It’s hard to imagine that the OP’s husband didn’t think that his wife might enjoy being the one enjoying drinks with friends after work every now and then.
Hopefully, he might realize this after having a civil conversation with the OP.
Otherwise, being notified when dinner’s ready might not be the only text he doesn’t receive going forward.