We all have hobbies, which in part make us who we are.
Some of our hobbies are so important, in fact, we might feel an emergency-level excitement over a new development, like a new book in our favorite series or the latest episode of a much-loved show.
That excitement should not lead to dishonesty, however, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor p**sedwinehead, for example, was furious when she discovered what her husband had done in the name of a gaming “emergency, which she disagreed with.
But when he reacted badly to her discontent, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being too harsh.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for giving the PS5 my husband bought to my nephew?”
The OP was furious when she found out what her husband recently did.
“I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 37.”
“I discovered the other day he had bought a PS5 as a gift for himself.”
“But the thing is, he used my money to do so without my permission, using a portion of my emergency savings that he had access to in case of, you know, an emergency.”
“And I do not believe being able to get your hands on a new video game console should classify as an ’emergency.'”
“He also refused to pay me back, because it was an ’emergency.'”
The OP punished her husband for his dishonesty.
“This led to a huge argument and I took the console away and reboxed it up.”
“I debated on returning it to the shop for the money, but I know my sister has been struggling to find one for my 13-year-old nephew for over a year, so instead I wrapped it up and took it round to her house and put it under the tree.”
“I quietly explained what it was and what had happened, and my sister then gave me the money for it.”
Her husband was not pleased.
“My husband went ballistic shouting and demanded I go get it back, which I of course refused to do.”
“I told him as it had been bought with my money, and it was my choice what happened to it.”
“He is now sulking and refusing to talk to me and acting like a huge child.”
The OP also clarified their monetary situation.
“For anyone curious about our money situation and why I’m so angry, we each put half our salary into a communal family fund for the house, bills, groceries, etc.”
“The other half is ours to play with as we want, and my husband always blows through his and never saves a penny.”
“Half of my expendable money goes into savings for emergencies, as I’m more realistic.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the problem could have gone away if the husband was communicative.
“I would say that my spouse and I have made it explicit that if either of us comes across a retail price PS5, we immediately get it from our shared account.”
“But you don’t just do that and not tell your partner beforehand and have an agreement about it.”
“I mean, I can understand that if he got his hands on a PS5, those things sell out in seconds, but you have to have an agreement about where that money is coming from. Otherwise it’s just stealing from your spouse.” – astrobre
“The exact situation could be solved with a quick phone call.”
“Just, ‘Hey honey I found a PS5 for retail price, can I buy it from the joint account and pay you back when my next check cashes? Maybe pay you back $100 less and just call that my whole Christmas?'”
“I’m also assuming he didn’t spend anywhere close to $500 on his wife for Christmas.” – OtherwiseScar9
“He could have happened upon one, I did. I was running an errand and stopped in the local gaming store and asked if they had one and they did, so I called my husband and bought it.”
“He split the cost with me and we made it our anniversary present.”
“The store I went to gets them in, but you have to be on the waiting list. If you don’t pick it up in two days, it gets sold, so it’s possible he got as lucky as I did.”
“He’s still an AH though for using her emergency funds, not asking if he could use them, or paying it back.” – Museworkings
“NTA:”
“Look, I’m ALSO 37, and simultaneously the main breadwinner for my house, and also as impulsive as your husband is.”
“However, my wife is exceptionally good with money. We wouldn’t have a savings if she didn’t maintain an account I couldn’t touch, because I’d blow all ‘extra’ money on impulse purchases, or attempting to solve other people’s problems with, well, money.”
“I would never in a million years dream of breaking that trust and taking from the emergency fund.”
“Shoot, we have a PS5, and we got it because I explicitly had the following conversation with her:”
“‘Hey, you know that 20% of my check I have automatically put in your account?'”
“‘Yea?'”
“‘Can you earmark like $100/check specifically for a PS5, and let me know when it’s there?'”
“‘You sure?'”
“‘One of two things will happen: I’ll forget, in which case nothing happens, or in 5 checks, I’ll still want it, and we’ll get it.'”
“I’ve had people look at me like I’m a crazy person for having her run our savings, but the way I see it, part of being in a relationship is recognizing and utilizing each other’s strengths, while assisting with each other’s weaknesses.”
“I’d bet if he had a conversation with you, like I had with my wife, it might have panned out way differently.” – ZeroHourHero
Others couldn’t come up with a single excuse for what the husband did.
“He, a grown man, stole from his wife, refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, and is now sulking. And is apparently crap at saving money.” – honeymochie
“If I were looking for a thing that was widely out of stock and found one, I could justify tapping MY emergency fund (or more accurately, long-term saving account), if it couldn’t fit in my short-term budget.”
“Using a non-communal emergency fund for it, though? Not a f**king chance.” – Konukaame
“I’m going to guess, and this isn’t a justification, just an attempt to understand, that he saw a PS5 for sale somewhere, knew they were hard to find, and classed it as an emergency in his mind.”
“After all, when else would he EVER find one again?”
“NTA, OP.” – DrTrunk-W
“If he had his own rainy day fund that was sufficiently topped up, I could maybe see justification for dipping into that and then topping it up a little more each month until it was covered again.”
“But you don’t steal from your partner!” – Late-Engineering9973
“Technically, he didn’t steal it, because they’re married and it’s a joint account he has access to, but d**n if it wasn’t unethical and sketchy as h**l. All kinds of red flags.”
“Also a cautionary tale on joint accounts.”
“To OP: Get him off that account. In fact, just start a new account that he has never had access to and use that instead.”
“His previous access to the account could potentially work against you if you keep using the existing account.” – infiniZii
After receiving feedback, the OP shared one short update:
“I have emptied the emergency account that he has access to and put it all in my personal account that he does not have access to, including the money I got from my sister for the PS5.”
Though her husband was spending time in the other room sulking, the subReddit insisted it was because he was acting like a child, not because she actually did anything wrong.
Rather, the OP was the one to regularly invest in their emergency savings.
Not only was her husband spending his fun money much faster than she was, but he also wasn’t investing in their emergency fund.
To go into it and spend it just because he didn’t have any more fun money of his own is beyond selfish.