As research has progressed, it has become glaringly obvious that food allergies, intolerances, and aversions are much more common than they were given credit for.
But some people brush them off as illegitimate excuses, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor foodiethrowawayta was becoming increasingly frustrated with his wife’s sensitivities around food, which he believed were simply signs of a picky eater.
But when his accusations began to affect his home life, and his diet, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was in the wrong.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for eating my wife’s food?”
The OP was tired of his wife’s food aversions.
“My wife is an extremely picky eater. It’s been a point of contention in our relationship for years.”
“She claims it’s sensory but it can be a bit much.”
“She won’t even try new things at restaurants and has embarrassed me many times by not finishing food at my mom’s house.”
“Her defense is she tries my mom’s food even though it sometimes makes her sick, but my mom is an amazing cook. Nothing about her food makes people sick; it’s just my wife’s pickiness.”
The OP demanded a new menu in the kitchen months ago.
“A few months ago, I put my foot down with my wife and said I wasn’t going to eat the same 10 or so meals she makes for dinner anymore and I wanted variety.”
“She essentially told me, ‘Fine. I’ll feed me, and you feed you.'”
“She even divided our food budget up and told me to start doing my own shopping.”
The OP soon regretted making that move.
“She made her point and after the first month, I was begging her to cook again.”
“She refused and said she was actually a lot less stressed just cooking for herself and prefers the current arrangement.”
“I’m very unhappy.”
“Obviously, I can’t make her cook for me, but my part of the food budget doesn’t go very far because I end up getting a lot of takeout food.”
The OP began to help himself to more food.
“I have been hungry late at night a few times and ate her leftovers.”
“She got mad at me. She said it was ‘her food’ and that I could go and get takeout, start cooking for myself, prepare and get snacks, or whatever.”
“She’s even not threatening to get a mini-fridge with a lock on it if I don’t stop eating her food.”
The OP thought his wife was being selfish.
“I don’t think this is how marriages should be and we should share things 50/50.”
“The idea of a locked fridge in my own home p**ses me off, but she says I need to live with the consequences of my actions (telling her I wanted variety and now eating her food).”
“I think this has gone on long enough so I’m bringing it here.”
“Am I really this huge of an a**hole for eating my wife’s leftovers?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was behaving childishly.
“YTA – grow up, cook your own damn food. She’s your wife, not your mother.”
“You’re whining that you’re blowing your grocery budget on takeout and are subsequently hungry. Pull your a** out of the 1950s, go get some groceries, and cook your own food.” – Exarch_thomo
“With 50/50 of the food budget. Not her fault he doesn’t know how to make the most basic part of adult finances (shopping within your budget) work.”
“Honestly, now that I’ve said that, I do kind of wonder how he’s like with finances in general. This could be just purely being incapable of grasping the idea of cooking for himself, or it could be indicative of a broader finance issue.” – ReasonableFig211
“YTA – How old are you? Do you not have this one basic life skill? Are you not able to actually cook a meal for yourself?”
“Why is this all your wife’s responsibility? You don’t understand how difficult it is to make meals for people every single day of the week, and then to have somebody b***h about how it tastes.”
“Your wife has every reason to be upset with you for eating her leftovers. Get your own food!” – RoadGoddess
“YTA. If everything in your marriage should be 50/50, why was cooking meals ever 100% on her?”
“You let her do all the work, b***hed about how she did it, and now you get to reap the consequences.”
“Learn to cook, stop harassing your wife to eat stuff she doesn’t like, and stop eating her food.” – Temporary_Badger
Others agreed and said the wife may have legitimate food aversions.
“She may have actual sensitivities. ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is a real thing.”
“It’s not only something Autistic people bump into. You can be allistic and still have sensory issues.”
“Plus, she said the food made her sick. I have that response to textures, but it could also be IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) or stomach issues.” – obiwantogooutside
“Anyone who thinks I like not being able to eat soup, mashed potatoes, yogurt with fruit pieces, etc., is out of their minds.”
“Life is easier when you aren’t a picky eater, but if my options are avoiding soup or spending the whole meal gagging, then I know what I’m choosing.”
“OP is TA for thinking that his wife is just being difficult, and extra TA for expecting her to go back to cooking for his ungrateful a**.” – TheBubbleSquirrel
“I also have ADHD and food sensitivity. I’ve been struggling lately with organizing food/meal prep. Sometimes forgetting expiration dates, food wastage, etc. I’ve been impulsively spending too much on takeaway.”
“I’m actually impressed that OP’s wife can put together a variety of 10 different meal options, and don’t understand what he was b***hing about in the first place.”
“YTA” – Hasha84
“They explicitly have a split food budget, which means that any food that she bought and cooked is hers. She was likely planning on eating those leftovers later.”
“Also considering her sensory issues, while he can eat her food, she likely can’t eat his (if he even had leftovers).”
“The food she cooks is the food she knows is ‘safe’ and won’t set off whatever sensitivity she has.” – _higglety
A few suggested what the OP could do instead of demanding food from his wife.
“I said, ‘you’re kidding’ aloud to myself 3 different times while reading this. ‘She doesn’t like my mom’s food, and since I like my mom’s food, she’s just being difficult’? My god. YTA.” – Jadertott
“His mommy can cook for him. She would probably be super ok with this, lol (laughing out loud).”
“Give mom your food money, and she will make you meals each week.”
“You can maybe just move in with her too and leave your poor wife (who I think has some sort of aversion and may benefit from therapy) to enjoy her life without your infantile antics. YTA.” – EmEmPeriwinkle
“You’ve been a d**k to your wife about her eating habits for however long, and she finally got sick of your complaints and purposed a fair agreement.”
“But you couldn’t be bothered to grow up and cook for yourself and expect her to suffer by stealing her food because you’re irresponsible with your food budget.”
“You instigated this entire mess and then tapped out only to be shocked that she isn’t interested in doing twice the work for an ungrateful and disrespectful partner.”
“Cue the surprised Pikachu face.”
“Now she’s telling you if you don’t stop stealing her food, she’ll take the next logical step to prevent you from doing so, and you’re p**sed?”
“How about this, OP? And I’ll make it simple, because it appears you need all the help you can get.”
“You either grow up and take care of yourself before you have no choice to, because YOU ARE DRIVING HER AWAY with your s**tty behavior.”
“OR”
“You eat some humble pie. Apologize profusely and actually show you’re sorry by taking care of her in some unexpected way to make up for your bad behavior.”
“Then maybe, maybe, if you are genuine and she is still wanting to deal with you, you can bargain for what you want.”
“As in: you don’t owe me anything as far as cooking goes, I know I made my own bed there and it’s your right to make me lay in it, but I miss the way things were, and I now realize that what you were doing for me was unappreciated and no small task.”
“So, if you’d consider making us both food again, I will do the clean-up (or some other chore you know she’ll appreciate).”
“If that’s not something you’re up to, then understand this, you’re just lazy and entitled, and you best stop throwing a temper tantrum before all the chores are yours because she decides she wants to have a relationship with an adult.” – formidable-opponent
While the OP was tired of the food arrangement in his home and wanted things to go back to how they used to be, the subReddit insisted he had done this to himself. Not only did he openly question her food aversions, but he criticized the homecooked meals she provided for him.
If he wanted things to go back to how they used to be, which was hopefully a happy marriage, he’ll need to work out how to balance the kitchen duties, right after he apologizes to his wife.