Blood doesn’t always mean family.
And sometimes family isn’t forever.
Family members can often inflict the most pain.
Case in point…
Redditor thegoldenstitch wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for forbidding my sister to meet my child and telling my wife to butt out of the situation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So the judgment is pretty much exactly as the title suggests.”
“I will provide context though.”
“So I (28 M[ale]) have been married to my wife for 4 years, and we have a 2 year old son together.”
“My older sister Ariel has 2 kids with her husband.”
“She is my only sibling, but we do not speak and haven’t since my wedding 4 years ago.”
“My wife knew I had no relationship with my sister or mother whenever we got together, but now it’s causing an argument.”
“We were a pretty typical family until my mom cheated my senior year of high school with a coworker.”
“My dad moved out immediately, and I moved with him.”
“This caused the riff between me and my sister.”
“My sister believed since my mom was sorry and it was a one-time thing (as she claimed which I don’t for a second believe) and was trying to reconcile through the church that me and my dad’s refusal to speak with her was somehow wrong.”
“I was 18, and my sister was 20.”
“Long story but eventually my sister stopped speaking with my dad.”
“I haven’t seen my mom since 2016, and we have only spoken once since 2019 when she tried to invite herself to my wedding.”
“She was not invited, but my sister was out of courtesy.”
“My sister didn’t show up, and we have not spoken since.”
“My wife knew when she married me that my only family was my dad and my cousins.”
“She said it was okay and she didn’t care.”
“So a few months ago my wife got a call from my sister’s husband (I’ve never met him) and he said that he wanted to start mending the bridge and would like to have me come to meet their kids.”
“I said no.”
“Well then my sister started sending pics of her kids to my wife and my wife sent pictures back.”
“I told her multiple times I did not like this and she told me she could send pics to whoever she wants.”
“I said that if she keeps testing my boundaries, she will be a single parent really soon.”
“That she signed up for me as is.”
“My wife is saying it’s wrong to deprive my son of his family.”
“I said I don’t even have a relationship with my sister or B[rother] I[n] Law], so why should my kid?”
“That doesn’t make me feel comfortable at all, and I don’t even know these people.”
“Also any pic she sends could easily be forwarded to my mom, and she needed to think about that.”
“She said she doesn’t even understand why my mom can’t meet her kid and that comment alone pissed me off because I’ve explained my family drama for years and it feels like she just ignored it.”
“I said she really needs to think about who she wants to appease because I’m not gonna stand for disrespect of my boundaries.”
“My dad totally agrees with me and is telling me I should start setting aside money now for an exit strategy.”
“Because my wife’s behavior is exactly how my mom used to act and I should see the warning signs now.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – This was all clearly defined at the beginning of your relationship.”
“Why does she even care?”
“Follow your dad’s advice.”
“The only concern if you were to break up over this is custody.”
“On her time she could very well take your child to meet your mother, and there is zero you could do about it.” ~ why-everything-meh
“If it was wife’s sister and mother, she has a better argument to go against the wishes of OP, but it isn’t her side of the family.”
“OP is the primary decider on how his half of the family is dealt with. NTA.” ~ shadyside7979
“He’s not getting a restraining order against his sister over this, and it would be an abuse of the system to try honestly.”
“The whole situation is tragic because both OP and his Sister should have gotten therapy before having such extreme over-reactions to adultery that occurred in someone else’s relationship when they were adults.”
“And OP’s dad clearly needs counseling as well because his comments about how this means OP will be cheated on are immature and ridiculous.”
“All three of them need to grow up.”
“However, the wife clearly does not respect OP’s boundaries or care very much about his feelings, so he probably should be rethinking the relationship.”
“What a mess.” ~ Professional-Soil621
“I agree with this take.”
“This whole situation has pretty much nothing to do with OP and his sister, but it seems like their parents love dragging them into their messes.”
“The father shouldn’t be getting involved now, but of course, he is and is exacerbating the situation by saying OP should get a divorce!”
“OP could really benefit from some therapy where he gets to break down the dynamics in his family.”
“But, his wife should be encouraging this type of response (i.e. therapy) instead of undermining her husband.” ~ Classroom_Visual
“People who grew up with healthy families just CANNOT grasp that there can be valid reasons to cut someone off.”
“I’ve been married 25+ years, and my husband has WITNESSED the crap that these people pull, but there are still moments where he falls into happy family fantasy land.”
“My only (civil) response is, ‘Are you new here?’ NTA.” ~ Automatic_Value7555
“Evidently the only relationships they ‘nuked’ was mom and sis.”
“Still good with dad and the cousins.”
“And frankly, Mom’s dishonesty and the sheer indifference she had to how her affair would affect her children (even if she didn’t give a sh*t about the husband/father of the children) would be enough for me to go N[o] C[ontact].”
“And the sister? ‘Oh, cheating isn’t that bad. And she said sorry…'”
“Yeah, no. Don’t need that in my life and evidently, OP doesn’t either. NTA.” ~ PuddyTatTat
“I agree with you in questioning if this actually is a reason to cut someone off, especially the sister.”
“My family is not perfect, but personally this would not be enough for me to go NC forever with a parent and a sibling.”
“However it’s OP’s choice, and I think their spouse needs to respect that, even if she disagrees.”
“Disregarding OP’s boundaries is going to cause major issues in their own marriage and family.” ~ Jerseygirl2468
“NTA. Your mother broke your family the moment she decided to cheat, and you are in your right to go NC with her.”
“If your sister didn’t attend your wedding you are in your right to go NC with her.”
“Your wife is disrespecting you, you were very clear, your family is your dad and cousins, she doesn’t have the right to connect with a part of the family that hurt you and you decided to go NC.”
“If this was the other way around, your father cheating with your mom and you going NC there will be lots more of NTA.” ~ Dangi86
“I agree with OP is NTA, but I think he needs to show his wife how much her actions are detrimental to their marriage.”
“It seems she is on a crusade that uniting families will be a just cause op issue are trivial.”
“Most probably the contact has been longer than B[rother] i[n] L[aw] contacting the OP.”
“Also I am also pretty sure mother is in the pic already.”
“I don’t think wife believes this is as serious as OP thinks and they need to sit down and have a clear talk.”
“This will get ugly pretty soon.”
“What will OP do if the wife says after a divorce that she will keep kids in touch with mother and sister?
“I think OP will drag her a** to a marriage counselor that will show her how serious this matter is to you.”
“And how do plan your exit if this can go south very fast?” ~ umartanwir
“ESH.”
“1. Your mom for cheating.”
“2. You and your sister for taking sides and letting hate and anger control your lives.”
“3. Your dad, understandable he was bitter in the beginning, but so angry and manipulative that he has allowed his bitterness to manifest over the years.”
“Your wife and BIL for going behind everyone’s back, they should know you can’t fix stupid, but I’ll give them kudos for, at least trying something.”
“Are you guys junior high school students?”
“All the adults in this scenario suck and are acting childish and immature.”
“You all sound unhappy and miserable.”
“Your ‘kid’ is BIL child’s 1st cousin.”
“Stop this depressing behavior before you all regret it in the future.”
“Grow the hell up!” ~ Aggravating-Film-221
“NTA, and your wife’s refusal to respect your boundaries is definitely very concerning.”
“It goes without saying that there are some major issues that you two are not handling between you.”
“I don’t know your exact situation, but I would recommend finding a decent couples counselor to have a third party to help with an actual conversation.”
“It might not go well for the marriage, but the marriage isn’t going well now.” ~ JsCTmav
Well OP, this is quite the situation.
But Reddit seems to understand you, for the most part.
It sounds like a big family talk, and some serious therapy may be of help to you.
The past can have an extreme hold if you let it.
Good luck.