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Guy Exposes Wife’s ‘Web Of Lies’ After She Keeps Using Him As A Scapegoat To Avoid Confrontation

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Relationships are hard, and since we’re all human, we’re far from perfect.

But sometimes a person will do something unthinkable or unforgivable.

Surprisingly, the other person may not even notice it, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor That-Kitchen-Feeling was caught off-guard with his wife’s behavior and insistence that he support her.

But when he was called out for finally having enough of it, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong for not being more patient.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for telling the truth and exposing the web of lies my wife spun?”

The OP recently noticed his wife exhibiting a new behavior.

“My wife has been lying a lot lately.”

“She is overly conscious of people’s feelings, and she uses white lies to shift the blame onto others to lessen the blow of a situation, always to her benefit.”

“She will find herself in situations where she wants to back out of weekend plans with her friends, or explain why she did something seemingly rude, etc., but she always blames me, like ‘My husband doesn’t want me to leave this weekend, sorry he’s such an a**,’ or ‘I only screenshotted this conversation we had because my husband told me he wanted to see it.'”

“Sure, I can handle someone confronting me about that stuff far better than she can. She has high anxiety when it comes to confrontation.”

“But I’m really sick of being her scapegoat and letting people think I’m a selfish jerk.”

The most recent incident almost got the OP in trouble. 

“I was watching our kids this weekend while my wife hosted a bachelorette trip for her friend at my wife’s aunt’s lake house.”

“Last night my wife called me and said I could come over with the kids, rather than wait till early this morning like planned.”

“I got to the lake house and the girls were all still out at a bar somewhere, so I let myself in and put the kids to bed.”

“My wife’s Aunt texted her after seeing me on her security cam and told her she was upset that I was there.”

“That was weird to me because she and I get along very well, and I’m even renting a house from her. She has reaaaallly high anxiety, but she manages it well most of the time.”

“She then texted me this morning, yelling at me about how I had no right to invite myself over and that I’m a bad father.”

“Naturally, I was shocked and asked her what she meant.”

“Turns out, my wife texted her, saying she didn’t know I was coming and that I’m an incompetent father, and she had to help me because I didn’t know how to watch my own kids.”

The OP was done putting up with it. 

“I told her that that was not true and that my wife invited me to come because she knew it was closer to my work and I could sleep in rather than get up early to bring the kids.”

“I, of course, confronted my wife about why she would lie about me and say things like that about me.”

“She then got mad and said she was doing damage control on the situation and that it’s far better if her aunt is mad at me than her.”

“So now we’re fighting because I, of course, don’t appreciate being put in that situation, but my wife thinks it was a necessary sacrifice to keep her aunt happy with her.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some warned the OP about protecting his children in case of a divorce. 

“NTA – If this just started recently, you should be concerned that she is making an exit plan. Painting you as controlling and incompetent with your children may cost you custody and even significant visitation [restrictions].”tarnishau14

“To add to this, if OP and his wife get divorced every single friend and family member will testify against him based on her lies. If you get divorced you could lose custody of your children based on everyone believing you are a horrible father and person.”HouseofRaven

Others cautioned the OP to document everything going forward.

“Keep records of everything! I have seen people who are trying to divorce pathological liars and it gets downright nasty. This is setting you up to fall down and fall down hard. I have a premonition life is going to only get harder for while.”Liathano_Fire

“OP also needs to ‘confirm’ everything through text or email. Ask questions. So do you want me to come over tonight or tomorrow? Is that okay with your aunt? When do you want me to bring the kids?”

“Cover yourself. Make sure there is a record of everything.”HambdenRose

Some pointed out these were not small, “white lies.”

“Please wake up… These are not small lies and you are being set up to be blamed for whatever is bad for life. NTA. she’s maligning you.”unsleeping-beauty

“NTA. You need to tell your wife that you will NEVER again allow her to lie to get herself out of a situation.”

“I would honestly do a group text with her family and explain the situation. Say that for now on when your wife places the blame on you for something, you want them to call you directly. That her lying to help her anxiety, by making you look like a bad guy, is over. Then, I think your wife needs to get into counseling.”

“Let’s say, God forbid, you get a divorce. She’s going to have dozens of people writing papers saying you’re controlling, incapable, etc. But let’s say that doesn’t even happen, do you really want people to think so poorly of you?”crystallz2000

Others said the OP’s wife needed therapy to work through this behavior.

“OP is definitely NTA.”

“I don’t know if I’d call his wife’s lies nefarious, but it’s definitely damaging to him.”

“To me, it sounds like she has an incredibly severe inability to face any sort of conflict, including healthy conflict. Sounds more like a ‘she should go to therapy to try and work on this.'”peon2

“A white lie would be ‘sorry, can’t go out this weekend. My husband and I already made plans.’ Not ‘sorry, my husband is an a**hole who is also a bad father.'”

“Like, this is not cute and while I understand confrontation anxiety, she doesn’t have a right to say ‘it’s better if they’re mad at you than if they’re mad at me.’ No ma’am, if you messed up, you need to face the music. You’re old enough for marriage and kids, you’re old enough to say no to stuff you don’t want to do. Like, does she even love OP?”Cautious-Bend-8814

Though the OP questioned whether he was in the wrong for pointing out his wife’s lies, the subReddit cautioned him that this could be the sign of something more serious. Though therapy and marriage counseling could help, the wife’s lies might have larger implications for their relationship and children.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.